Your most embarrassing experience

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by Snips, Jul 31, 2002.

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  1. Mine was when I went to Tenerife a couple of years back with two friends.
    We went into this bar where there was a Celine Dion tribute type singer. The bar was packed and the only free seats we could see were right over at the back on the edge of this elderly couple's table.
    We walked over and asked if it was ok if we could sit with them, they agreed.
    After getting drinks from the bar, we settled back to listen to the female singer. After a while we started slagging off the Celine Dion bird, saying things like she wasn't that good a singer, it looked like she was wearing an ill fitting wig, I bet she gets the ride every night etc etc. Basically running this girl to the ground.
    After her next number, the Celine Dion bird started chatting to the crowd and explained that she came from Manchester.
    She also said 'We love shopping don't we Mum?'
    to which the elderly lady we had been sat with for the last half hour replied 'Yes Dear' whilst giving me and my two friends evils!!
    Needless to say with very red faces, we sank our beers and got the fcuk out of there!!

    There was also another embarrassing experience I had which involved me, some stairs, and my gusset on show at the bottom of them. I'll let you work out the rest!
  2. I wouldn't worry about the stairs incident, I know a girl who would've been glad to have had a gusset for all to see after she fell, not something else!
  3. Can i start this by saying, I was VERY VERY drunk....

    Was going out with a girl some time ago, that SB knows. Anyway, one drunken night, we got round to dares, which as the booze flowed, got worse and worse.
    Which culminated in me being nekkid, and dared to "Shove my willy into next doors letterbox"

    being pissed and infantry, it was a done deal, so opening the front door (block of flats) I proceeded to move tactically (well, erractic zig-zag) across the landing , to insert my appendage.

    I had just got the flap of the letterbox up, when behind me, I heard the dreadful sound of the door slamming shut. The surprise led to me dropping the spring loaded letterbox on me old man (That hurt).

    Howling in pain, I tried to extricate meself, just as I heard the occupants of the flat I was space invading say "Is there someone there?" The only sound I could hear from my flat, was a sort of repressed gurgling howl.

    She later admitted, that she thought she'd done herself an injury, she was laughing so hard the bitch.

    Allied to that, I then notice through the glass door of the flats, a car was pulled up, with the headlights on, and I'm sure they saw me, standing there naked, clutching me todge.

    Entreaties to "For fcuks sake open the door", were met with more gurgling howling, till eventually she opened the door , on her kness, with tears rolling down her bloody face, simultaneous with the door behind me opening. So, they got a good look at me arrse.

    Took a long time to live that one down.

    She did remark however, that she was not happy with the single girl downstairs smiling at me on a regular basis  ;D
  4. Not a normal situation for me but...

    In ireland I had a stalker who would not leave me alone whenever I was i one of the bars on 'the strip'. She wasn't too bad looking but had a strong case of dependancy, on anything and anyone.

    After getting pissed up/off one night i left early, staggered to bed and stayed til late the next day only to be woken by a mate saying that this girl had left looking for me and dissapered for ages. They found her sitting at the end of my bed watching me sleep about an hour later.
    That scared me well off until the fateful night of being even more pissed about a month later, feeling horny, and found myself up to my nuts in guts with her on top of me!
    thankfully the opposite of brewers droop was in effect a situation she decided to comment upon.
    "somebodies had a lot to drink tonight"
    Being drunk any chance of being polite was out of the window so my response was simply
    "of course, I'm fcuking you aren't I?" :eek:
    the thing that still sends shivers down my  spine was the fact that she stopped, but didn't 'get off' said nothing and carried on!
    I don't know if she enjoyed herself as, to add insult to injury, I fell asleep under her!
    Waking up the next morning, amazed to find myself all in one piece I finally had the epiphany that this girl was definately not for seeing again.
    Worked out well in the end, about 2 years later she married an aquaintance and the probably lived .. somthing.. ever after! :-[ ;D
  5. was going to make an entry hear but thought everybody might want to keep thier breakfast inside them ;D
  6. Oh go on, I've already eaten!
  7. Was to do with a pair of shorts, flip flops, chip shop, tiled floor, no undies and a violent follow through....

    Not pretty, down the back of my legs & between the bottom of my feet & the flip flop, very ill
  8. Sh1tty a1s ::)
  9. Come and wipe it then ;D
  10. Ok here's how to impress your mates missus...

    get really drunk at a wedding, so drunk you cant string a sentance together...

    Now when your mate offers to do the right thing and dumps you in the spare bed of their married quarter, wake up in the middle of the night, hose down the entire room with P**s then strip off naked and try and climb in bed with your mate and his missus!!!

    Next day wake up and hope to god it was all a bad dream...

    Then spend a weeks wages on cleaning products and chocolates and hope you never see your mates missus again...

    so i ve heard anyway... 8)
  11. I was flying back from Belfast city airport on my tod and as i got there a bit early decided to have a quick ale while waiting for my flight.
    3 pints later i got on the plane and settled down to finish my magazine.
    halfway through the flight , the consequence of 3 pints took its toll and so i turned around to find the bog only to discover to my horror that these little pond jumpers had NO toilets whatsoever.

    I ended up swamping myself in my seat and then had to spend the rest of the flight and the walk through the airport looking like i was wearing chaps.
    Horrible , but probably not as bad as the poor bloke who was sitting behind me who got the soggy socks. :-[ :-[
  12. Lee


    My most embarassing moment was after a bit of live firing at otterburn and because I'd picked up an injury I ended up brass sorting with the Pt Sgt. Everyone had gone back to camp by the time we finished so we headed home in the rover. We'd been going about an hour when he started to nod off at the wheel, so he pulled into a service station. He stayed outside to get some air and I went in for a brew and  a kit kat, it was quite late and I was the only person in there until a little old woman came in, she bought a tea and a fairy cake and sat opposite me. She then proceded to take a stick of my kit kat! I thought cheeky bint, and had a stick myself, at which piont she gave me a look like a summons and ate the last two sticks of my chuffing kit kat! Being a little old dear I could really go off on one, but thought I'm buggered if your getting away with it. I stood up to leave, picked up her fairy cake went right up to her face and with a MURRUMMPPHHH sound stuffed her cake in my mouth in one and walked out feeling quite satisfied. We got back in the rover and continued on our way. About fifteen minutes into our second leg of the journey I fancied a cig and when I went into my pocket I found MY kit kat!! :eek:
  13. msr

    msr LE

  14. Lee


    WOW! I checked out your link, and I can't believe that poor sweet old lady suffered the exact same embarassment as me!!!!
    You know, I've been spinning that yarn for years and your the first person to rumble me! Never mind eh?
    Still a cracking tale though! :-[
  15. msr

    msr LE

    And doubtless there's a number of lefty grannies have been whinging for years about some hairy-arrsed squaddie nicking their cream cakes in service stations too!!! ;D