Had the strangest of phone calls off her this morning, went a bit like this; Her - hi, hows everything going? Me - yeah, ok, all's quiet oh and we are out of bread, oh and do babies like Tug of War? Her - ill get some on the way home, no, babies do not like tug of war, erm Hector, I've been thinking ... (dramatic pause) Me - yes? Her - well, you seem a bit run down and tired. Me - I'm fine babe, honest, been worse. (a valiant response ) Her - why dont you book yourself a holiday? Maybe take your brother or Pete and Lee? **at this point I slid off the settee in amazement whilst gasping for oxygen** To give a brief rundown we have just had our first baby, a girl. Up until a few months ago I was running the family firm but we always knew I was calling it a day as soon as my Uncles could afford to buy the rest of us out which they duly did. The plot thickens though, on a night out last year with her Mum and Sister I was 'asked' if I'd consider being a stay at home Dad, in essence I was being asked to not work for the next 5 years to enable her to pop a couple of kids out and return to work quick sharp each time and I agreed in a fug of vodka and cokes. Now, my missus is a solicitor, she has a degree in economics but veered off and trained as a solicitor after graduating, first working in criminal law as a trainee and now working in conveyancing, as you can imagine she is a straight talking ballsy cunt who accepts no shit. But, the phonecall continued; Me - really? Her - well, yes, you deserve it. Me - ummm, ok, thanks for that. Her - its ok I just really appreciate what your doing and what you've given up. Me - erm, ta, is Amsterdam ok? **at this point I heard her on the edge of what may have been tears, which I havent seen or heard since I gave her a beautifully delivered dead arm once when I was mullered** Now this is where the confusion really sets in. I am a seasoned adulterer, but not a very good one and have been caught red handed twice, this has left her somewhat frosty and I am eyed with suspicion every time I leave the house. Most of the time she is 'nice', usually mores so when she wants fucking or when I'm forking out for a white Audi A5, but she is being abnormally nice lately. I've even shelved the plans to put her remains in bin bags all over the Pennines. In fact, I like her again, a lot, she works her cock off and is a force to be reckoned, and is bang tidy but is devoid of a sense of humour (she has yet to laugh when I hilariously press my morning erection against the frosted glass of the shower door whilst singing 'The Thong Song' by Sisco whilst she is having a piss). A salute to the birds, whats your missus really like????