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Your last day on earth..How would you go?

#1
Mine would start of with being gently awakened by the talented tongues of the Cheeky Girls at around 10am,followed by a breakfast lovingly cooked by Nigella Lawson & Silvena Rowe,made useing the most expensive ingredients awailable.Washed down with a couple glasses of Carlsberg Vintage No.1.

While eating my brekkie,Nigella & Silvena would entertain me..

Later,a long leisurely crap into a gold plated throne complete with select reading matter.

Dinner would be a lobster curry from the Bombay Brasserie,washed down with a few Highland Malts..

Finally,a long session of 'relaxation' with the help of Teagan Presley,Gina Lynn & Bianca Beauchamp in the VIP box at Twikkers watching the Army stuff the Navy, just before my heart gives out..

So Arrsers,How would you like to go?
 
#3
I would wake to the sound of birds singing, sun streaming through the window. A handsome, scruffy, stubbly (almost naked)man would bring me a light breakfast and run me a bath. I'd let him share it because I'm kind and I'm green. We'd get dressed and go for a walk. A scenic walk along the coast, there would be no other people around as the coast will have be reserved for me that day. We'd eat and frolic and have lots of sex along the way. He would read me poetry as the sun set and then I'd die. And i wouldn't have to do any washing up.
 
#4
Raoul Moat stylee but with more corpses, Russell Crowe or Mel Gibson could play me in the film with Sasha Grey as the love interest.
 
#5
I'm an alcoholic and therefore don't drink alcohol anymore; not a fecking drop; 'cos I don't know when to stop and it sends me mental. Therefore, I haven't had a drink for a long time.

But if this was my last day on Earth, I'd get shit-faced; just for the hell of it; I love whisky!
 
#6
I would wake to the sound of birds singing, sun streaming through the window. A handsome, scruffy, stubbly (almost naked)man would bring me a light breakfast and run me a bath. I'd let him share it because I'm kind and I'm green. We'd get dressed and go for a walk. A scenic walk along the coast, there would be no other people around as the coast will have be reserved for me that day. We'd eat and frolic and have lots of sex along the way. He would read me poetry as the sun set and then I'd die. And i wouldn't have to do any washing up.
What a rubbish day. Bloke has to get up at sparrowfart and then, without benefit of a shave and clad only in questionable undergarments, forced to rustle up a bowl of cornflakes and a mug of NAAFI tea and then make with the Jif and Radox for a soft focus bath with delusional female.

Then dragged up and down some ankle twisting paths on windswept coast with not a bloody pub in sight open because she had reserved the entire area for exclusive use and all the time expected to "frolic" and shag! Not a hope, being knackered from carrying the sodding Fortnum & Mason picnic hamper.

Then, to top this humiliation off, expected to read poetry! Gaaah!

You would die alright, but some considerable time before sunset at a guess.
 
T

trowel

Guest
#11
Raoul Moat stylee but with more corpses, Russell Crowe or Mel Gibson could play me in the film with Sasha Grey as the love interest.
Never heard of the Sasha bint, but isn`t it a bit odd to choose either of those bad tempered, alcho dwarves to play you?
 
#15
A handsome, scruffy, stubbly (almost naked)man would bring me a light breakfast and run me a bath.
I can do that. You do realise that it's illegal to discriminate on the grounds of age don't you?


Don't care. At my age, you can't be too choosy. I'll bring you some ointment for your green bits.


We'd get dressed and go for a walk.
Sometimes, I forget to get dressed before going out for a walk. When the police take me to the hospital they always give me some clothes from the mortuary pile and get me a taxi home.


We'd eat and frolic and have lots of sex along the way.
My frolicking days are over. I'll need 20 minutes notice for sex so that I can take my, err, medicine.


He would read me poetry as the sun set and then I'd die.
Do you like limericks? I know quite a few from my days at sea. After you're dead, could I have any food that's left over?
 
#16
I'd walk into the offices of the Daily Mail with an axe and a bottle of amphetamines and keep hacking until I collapsed with exhaustion. Then it's off to Westminster I go!
 
#18
Ah, Fortnum and Mason. How thoughtful. Yes, we'd eat the F&M hamper on a rug which he had knit specially for the occasion...
If you think I am dragging Artichoke Tapenade, Connoisseur Blend Coffee, Nonpareil Marmalade, Magnifici Florentines, Superb Dark Selection, Darjeeling FTGFOP, Superb Milk Selection, Biscuits for Cheese, Rose Petal Jelly, Quince Cheese, Eel Fillets, a Half Cropwell Bishop Baby Stilton, Scottish Wild Smoked Salmon, Explorer's Biscuits, Blair Athol, 9 year old, Théophile Roederer 2000, Nuits St Georges, Domaine Robert Chevillon, 2006, Coteaux du Layon S.G.N, Domaine Phillippe Delesvaux 2005, Meursault, Vincent Girardin 2006 and Pomerol Chateau Pierhem, 2006 along behind you, think again.

A time expired ratpack is yer lot
 
#19
If you think I am dragging Artichoke Tapenade, Connoisseur Blend Coffee, Nonpareil Marmalade, Magnifici Florentines, Superb Dark Selection, Darjeeling FTGFOP, Superb Milk Selection, Biscuits for Cheese, Rose Petal Jelly, Quince Cheese, Eel Fillets, a Half Cropwell Bishop Baby Stilton, Scottish Wild Smoked Salmon, Explorer's Biscuits, Blair Athol, 9 year old, Théophile Roederer 2000, Nuits St Georges, Domaine Robert Chevillon, 2006, Coteaux du Layon S.G.N, Domaine Phillippe Delesvaux 2005, Meursault, Vincent Girardin 2006 and Pomerol Chateau Pierhem, 2006 along behind you, think again.

A time expired ratpack is yer lot
With or without Cheese Possesed?
 

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