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Your ideal job

#3
Wow a Goal scoring superhero. It appears I have been wasting 4 years of my life doing an engineering degree when I could have been getting lucrative contracts advertising the latest razor. Dull SH!T
 
#5
Internet Hacker. WTF..... I,m a complete arrse on these computer things. If they ran on Diesel it,ll be a diffrent matter though !!!

Regards LT.
 
E

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Guest
#6
If you've ever sought advice for completing a job application form, you might find inspiration from the following and allegedly true application for employment with McDonalds:

NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha! But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
 
#7
Herrenbloke said:
If you've ever sought advice for completing a job application form, you might find inspiration from the following and allegedly true application for employment with McDonalds:

NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha! But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
Yeah,I read this one somewhere to.Apparently he got the job based on the sheer cockiness of his application!
 
#8
Effin' hell, this here thingy ain't to kind to a Scandihooligan! Based on my first name, it's Animal Therapist. Middle came came out with Clown and last name with Satan. So, a Satanical Animal Therapist with Clown aspirations? Should be enough to keep a good shrink in beer and sandwiches for years ;)
 
#10
Shoplifer - Im signing off tomorrow.......or is that a job I could just take up in my spare time, fcuk it I could even work at whilst at work! Question is would I have to get permission to take on a secondary employment?
 
#11
VicMackey said:
Shoplifer - Im signing off tomorrow.......or is that a job I could just take up in my spare time, fcuk it I could even work at whilst at work! Question is would I have to get permission to take on a secondary employment?
Just dont do what some squaddies done in the 80's.Wheather it's true or not I dont know ,but they allegedly robbed somewhere in Germany wearing the NBC suits but forgot they had the name & b.group on the front!
 

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