Your First Porn Experience?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by DrGonzo1, Aug 21, 2012.

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  1. Let's have it, when was your first porn based experience?

    I'll start off, as is the rules of new thread starters.

    Many years ago me and an old friend were out in the woods, building dirt jumps for our bikes, starting fires and drinking your dads tinnies that you stole from the fridge. (Yes I was a terrible little shit)

    We decided one afternoon to go to the old boarded up building at the edge of the field, my mate convinced me to clamber under the building. After a few minutes of coughing and rustling around I saw in my arcs a magazine with a huge pair of knockers on it, and a tiny yellow star barely covering her clitoris. I shouted at the top of my voice "A FOND EH FECKIN PORN MAGAZINE!!!" to which my pal replies "throw it ere!"

    After I managed to escape from under the building, me and my mate sat in awh for the rest of the evening at the hardcore pornography we had just discovered. It was the most graphic, hardcore pornography I'd ever seen. Some of it still to this day. The name of the magazine was something like "Backdoors get slammed" (along them lines)

    I don't think I'll ever forget that!

    Over to you lot.
     
  2. As a young kid, I never used the word "porn" to describe magazines of young ladies in a state of undress. We called them "dirty books". I can remember there was a second hand shop about a mile away, and sometimes when it was closed (shops in the 70s were not shuttered up when closed for business), we would peer through the window at the display of dirty books behind the counter. We were too young to go in and ask for them, not did we have the £££ to pay for them anyway.

    Titles they had were Club International, Men Only, Game, Whitehouse, New Directions, as well as more obscure publications.

    I used to keep my dirty books under the carpet beneath my bed, between the headboard and the bedroom wall. I had a collection of comics that I would sometimes slip a magazine inbetween them. Another hiding place I used was under my mattress.

    Fast forward a decade or so and I kept my porn in my roll mat during the OC's locker inspections. They were never found.
     
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  3. My first porn experience got me a good hiding! Left me with mental scars and childhood neuroses that I still can't talk about. Besides, I was told not to say anything.
     
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  4. Mine was two slides of a couple of lasses showing their 70s muff beards. Is it any wonder I am fucked up.
     
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  5. You poor soul, if only your teachers were a bit more understanding about the needs of a wee laddy!
     
  6. Mine was finding a copy of "the joy of sex" on my parents bookshelf when I was around 10. I remember scanning through it and getting a right throb on that I didn't know what to do with over the sketches of different positions & hairy muffs. A few years later I found my dads stash of proper jazz mags (mayfair, blue book, penthouse & razzle) & it was like finding the gold at the end of the rainbow, I stole a few pages in the hope he wouldn't notice & didn't leave my room for about a week. Teens these days are spoiled with the internet, I'd have died of dehydration or exertion in my room if I'd had xhamster & a laptop at 15...
     
  7. Oh, thats not the worst of it. I showed one to a pal of mine in class and a teacher saw it and that caused no end of upsetedness. Oh the tragedy of my boyhood.
     
  8. Fuck, just trying to remember.....it was a blur of racey hormones. One day an innocent cherub, then bam! Hormonal teenager eager to get his hands on anything. But, I reckon it could of been during school holidays and a contemporary (Australian) magazine of the time. One of those mens magazine that had scantily clad girlies, with the occaisional breastage and glimpse of girlie bits.
     
  9. Approx 1971.........

    No internet in those days and Fiesta was the nearest to hard core that I had seen until..........

    14 years old coming back from Manchester on an Oldham Corporation bus. Sat upstairs for a crafty fag and dropped my matches under the seat. Beside the matches was a copy of the Swedish periodical 'Private'.
    Couldn't believe that ladies did that type of thing to chaps to be honest.

    My dad found it and went fucking berserk, said he had never seen anything like it and where had I got it from.
    I told him that I had found it on one of his buses (he worked for them) so he shut the fuck up and confiscated my pride and joy.

    Apparently my mum quite liked it, got possession from my dad and kept it in the Welsh Dresser drawer where my grandmother was known to root around on occasional visits.
     
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  10. Whilst on about porn, I had a terrible experience today. I was walking around WHSmith and I happened upon the magazines. Well I looked up to the top shelf as one does to see what delights they had and to my horror I saw a Womans porn magazine.....called Puppy Love or something. On the font cover it had a bloke there with nothing on but a thong. I of course walked away rapidly in disgust.

    Needless to say I am now suffering from a porn form of PTSD and will be writing to WHSmith for them to remove such offensive material.
     
  11. I today also saw some rather vulgar pornos on the top shelf at some god awful BP garage. Needless to say I told the well spoken Asin fella behind the desk that his magazines hurt my eyes. And where were the tits?

    His reply?
    "I am very very sorry boss but them magazines are about 3 years out of date"
     
  12. I'd never heard of porn until Mary Whitehouse was on TV, here is an article about her.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/culture-obituaries/tv-radio-obituaries/6605110/Mary-Whitehouse.html
    I'd never heard of the filthy disgusting things that I'd been missing until she kept banging on about it. If she'd have just said cunt books I'd have known, my friends had loads.
    I wonder if she was a Russian spy or perhaps a dominatrix.
    There must have been some dirt on her, must have been on Valium with all that pent up frustration. Maybe Esther Rantzen fisted her in her dressing room and said 'That's life'
    Maybe she'd a massive home made porn collection she made with her husband and Ted Heath.
    Did she form the first underground movement for lesbians with nice hats and root vegetables?
    Someone must know some dirt on that old whore, her secrets can't go to the grave. Who knows the truth?
     
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  13. 1969
    Four pages from a copy of H&E.
    Hardly what one might call porn but it was my first sight of a shaved fanny.

    Oh, the joys of innocent youth. :)
     
  14. With an imagination like that matey, you should be writing it rather than reading it.
     
  15. Is Redtube Russian? Did she perhaps traffic prostitutes and being a filthy Commie spy, plant them to gain popularity and a cover for her arms deals?
    What a cunt she was.