Your best wind-up

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by sunami, Dec 31, 2012.

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  1. I haven't spoken to any of my siblings for over 20 yrs, besides the fact they are a money-grabbing bunch of cnuts I cannot stand them or their significant other halves. Anyway, during some ancestral research I happened to read the latest release of Bona Vacantia & lo and behold my uncle was named as dying intestate.

    Knowing that my bitch of a sister-in-law had a Facebook page I left a message anonymously with a link to the BV page suggesting she check it out as I knew he had property, shares & premium bonds etc. From there I took a back-seat and watched things develop nicely as she reported her progress on FB.

    I was hoping she would employ one of those companies that deal with these BV claims but no, she's so greedy she decided to do the leg work herself. Acquiring copies of birth certificate, marriage certificates etc and building up a family tree to back their claim. As the months progressed her obsession increased only to be frustrated by not being able to obtain all the information she needed immediately as certain certificates had to be got from Canada. Obviously I offered tantalizing clues periodically and wallowed in her frustration yet knowing what was to come.

    After about a year she was ready to submit their claim which she duly did, eagerly reporting it on FB & the fact that 'uncle' must have been worth several hundreds of thousands because of his estate. I waited a couple of months before emailing BV certain information which was a devastating bombshell to my dear SiL.

    Although they knew he had been married & he had no issue, or so they thought. The woman he married had in fact had a child before they wed & although it wasn't his, because of the stigma it would have caused in the 40s he agreed to be named as the father on the birth certificate and the child was given up for adoption before they wed. So legally his estate went to her or her offspring.

    As it was my public duty to disclose this information to BV which I duly did enclosing copies of the relevant certificates. :applaud:
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  2. I once had to pass a message on to a guy just posted in that the SSM wanted to see him at 1600 hrs for his initial interview, and just for a laugh, I added "in No 2s and best boots" to the message.

    He wasn't pleased, since they were jammed in the bottom of some kit bag.
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  3. Blimey, your wind ups are a bit elaborate mate!

    I normally just jump out from behind a door or pretend I've lost the car keys!
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  4. On a recent Mediterranean cruise, I sneakily adjusted the charts whilst the captain was down in the Polynesia Ballroom entertaining passengers. You should have seen the look on his face when he realised forty feet of keel had been ripped out. How we all laughed.
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  5. A few Aprils ago I decided to play an April 1st joke on my beloved. I found the scruffiest Hippy that I could find. It did take me several interviews before I found my man. I found him walking along a road and had a word: He was perfect. He wore bright floral trousers,dirty, long hair. He was a failed part time actor at the local 'Little theatre' I offered him fifty quid. to be paid after the task.

    He was to camp at the bottom of my garden in his little Teepee, with clothes line and dirty shreddies and holy socks pegged out drying, fire to be burning outside the front of his tent.

    He was to be in position at 12noon, for my wife to come home at about 1230. I arranged for my Son to sound record and to video the proceedings. He was to do this from a little ancient privvy which was adjacent.

    I went to work and waited. The phone rang bang on 1230. "We have been invaded" she shrieked! " A filthy bloody Hippy, he is claiming squatters rights"! To wind her up more, I said. "There is nothing you can do about it. Wait until I come home. I will be there in ten minutes."

    Before I arrived she had taken the law into her own hands and stated 'stoning' him with flower pots and garden tools. Until I saw the video, I didn't realise that she ever used the F and B words. I arrived home to find them shaping up. The Hippy refusing to budge and my missus doing good footwork around him. We brought it to a close by my son coming out of the privvy with his camcorder and in quite hysterics of amusement. The hippy who proved to be quite cultured, stayed for lunch.

    The video comes out every few years when we need a chuckle, it was fifty quid, and well worth it. My wife though did have a sense of humour failure, which she quckly got over.
  6. I have too many to mention, (there is never a debate with my friends as to who is the most juvenile amongst us - it's me). I still point to peoples chest and flick em on the nose when they look down ffs :)

    I can also appreciate when I get "got" too as in what happened a few weeks ago when as I left the office, I noticed a bunch of Air Fresheners hanging on my front license plate. "Weak" I thought, so I ripped them off and left. A few days later, I stop at some lights and I notice a chick behind me in an SUV lean forward, look down at my car, and laugh. I carry on driving to the high school where my wife works, and notice a few kids walking by with grins on their fizzogs, just then the wife turns up and says "you might want to check the back of your car". So I step out and check, the fucker who had put the air fresheners on the front had made up a perfect replica plate with "I LOVE COCK" and a picture of a set of "cock and balls" it was over my regular plate. I pulled the plate off while snickering high school kids had a quick laugh. Good One, but in all fairness payback will be a bitch :)
  7. I managed to convince my dad that he needed planning permission to install a cat flap in his conservatory.

    I even suggested to him that he could use his Masonic connections to get it through.

    He left me nothing when he pegged out the rotten get.
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  8. This is a thread riddled with the warning: OPSEC.

  9. One April 1st a colleague of mine was off sick following an operation. Whilst she was off an ambulance hit her car parked outside her flat, so we got the cleaner to phone her and to pretend to be an ambulance controller to ask her if she would mind taking two old ladies to their outpatient appointments as the ambulance was out of service and gave her a number to phone.
  10. Sorry to seem thick but what is OPSEC?
  11. My best wind up?

    I am Sluggy.....
  12. No!

    I am Sluggy!
  13. Brotherton Lad

    Brotherton Lad LE Reviewer

    Original Post Seems Excessively Convoluted.
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  14. Why?

    All I did was give her a link to the Bona Vacantia page & then sat back and let her do all the digging.
  15. Whilst laying in bed recovering from a heart attack, I dropped my book on the floor and them got into a cramped position on the floor near it.
    The wife came rushing up the stairs, opened the door , saw me laying there and rushed over going "Oh No!!"
    I waited until she bent over and then said "Hello".
    She has never forgiven me.
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