Your best ever practical joke

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by twiglett, Apr 3, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Appologies if there has been a thread like this before.

    What would be your best ever practical joke you have played on someone?

    Mine would be a toss up between.....

    placing 2x Chocolate buttons between the cheeks of my wifes arse as she slept, the look on her face as she bugged out to the shitter in the morning was priceless.


    nicking my muckers car keys, filling all his vents with foot powder (the stinky mycota stuff) turning all the vents on and towards the driver, again priceless.
  2. Placing my cock between the cheeks of your wifes arse, then rubbing it on your buttons stash.
  3. Buying a tube ( for the purpose of sending a poster through the post) filling it with shredded paper and adding a small tarantula (£2 from most shit pet stores)

    Posting and imagining the recipient tapping the end of the tube to ease the pissed off Arachnid on to his breakfast table

    Carry on....
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Long wait, glass hammer, lah lah lah...
  5. Oooh your funny.......... Yawn, double away.
  6. Those long winter months aye?
  7. You started it you dull cunt. Buttons in your wife's arse, FFS, you must be the life and soul of the party.
  8. At BATUS we used to get Part One Orders sent through as a word document, one day a week the Army Sports Lottery results were posted, so before I printed and hung up in the office I added my mates name to the list as winning £4k. When I came back into the office later he'd phoned his mrs and they pretty much had it all spent.

    Oh how we laughed as I was getting angry phone calls from Mrs KB... yeehaaaaaaaw

    Not the best as it doesnt involve shit, cocks or spunk - but there we are.
  9. I laughed my self silly by introducing Twigletts missus to a little prank called "Blinding The Marlin"

    Urban Dictionary: blinding the marlin

    How we laughed after she told him that it was only a mild case of pink eye.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Right, no, heres a good one, you will die when you ve heard this right, make sure you re sat down (and have been to the loo before you read this, "lol")

    I was changing light-bulbs for a Rock Band right, and they got chucked outta the hotel for complaining about a dirty fork right, so we packed our kit, then Remmy the Lead Singer took out his Leathermann yeh, unscrews all the salt n pepper shakers yeh, emptys the salt, hang on, emptys the salt, no, I cant, oh me cheeks, me cheeks, he emptys the salt and , what a scream, he puts sugar in there instead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I know,.............I "lolled" on that for a week, and the Band even told the crowd at the gig, you ve gotta meet Remmy, he is "Crazy"

  11. Nice Signature Block Twiglett:

    Rules i live by...

    Love like you have never been hurt...

    Fight like you have never been beaten...

    Gamble like you have never lost...

    And fuck like your on film!!!

    You missed out "Play practical jokes like a 9 year old girl" from your list.
  12. I'm guessing from the user name he's a ginger as well, burn him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  13. "And this one time cadet camp...twiglett let an adult instructor stick his penis up his rectum..."
  14. and blunts scissors and smells of marmite
  15. Ask this bloke, he is an absolute master of practical jokes.

    I cried.............