Young Ruperts Bloopers

Discussion in 'Royal Signals' started by Arters, Mar 18, 2011.

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  1. We all came across them, crikey, some of us were them!

    On Ex Lionheart 84 we were despatched from a location to set up the Triffid Bde Link to Div before the rest of the Unit moved in, we had driven about 3kms on the road when a SWB L/R driven by the idiot G10 siggy overtook us and screeched to a halt right in front of the wagon, cue - stand the Panzer on it's nose, when the shit had receded from the windscreen of L/R the passenger door opened and out jumped our brand new Troopie, he came to the front of the Panzer clutching a Track Pin and said "Have you lost this?" I tried to answer in a calm and courteous manner but what came out was - "You are like a Lighthouse in a Desert, bright but Feckin' useless, now get out of the Feckin' way, you Feckin idiot (pause) Sir" He didn't visit my Det all Exercise - Result! However the SSM did and said "Cpl, don't ever call that Feckin idiot a Feckin idiot again" - Result!
    In the end he turned out to be damn good Troop Officer !
  2. How about this one:

    Major exercise that had been going on for a few days.

    There I am standing in the midle of the road doing my monkey stuff and preventing any and all military traffic from entering a small German village. There had been complaints about the noise and vibration of MBTs and other heavy stuff as it pased through this tiny place. So it was placed out of bounds and me and my mate were there to ensure military vehicles did not drive through (it was a convienient short cut).

    So up comes a L/R with a very dirty and tired young officer as front seat passenger. Having stopped the vehicle and explained to the driver that the village had just been placed out of bouds, about 20 minutes ago, and that he was to turn about and use another route. Had just finished explaining and driver starts to manouver to turn round while I walk away. No probelm.

    Wrong! I hear the door open and slam shut as Lt comes storming over to me demanding that they be allowed to drive through etc. I try my best to explain what is going on. He starts to rant and begins to shout about who ever came up this this is a ******* idiot etc. He was really getting quite emotional.

    Now I was trying to get a word in, but too late. Behind him appears the COS 20 Armd Bde, who says; "actually it was me". The two of them then walked behind some trees where we could hear the sound of an instant interview without coffee taking place.
  3. young female troopy in lead vehicle turns to driver and says..."do you get shit under your ring" whilst playing with her wedding band!...

    driver turns and calmly replies " no maam i wipe".....
  4. Heard both of these, Not sure if true or not.

    !. Given a grid ref to go to with a Triffid - It is in East Germany?

    2. transmit on a bearing of XYZ on max power .

    1/2 hour later the Polizi arrive and calmly tell them to turn off as they a blasting over a airfield and mucking up ground to air comms
  5. Not so much a Blooper more of a "don't be a prick"
    211 form on the square on Sunday for Ex. Flying F**kup prior to an early Mon.deployment, Alpha was under the Comd. of 2LT T*****e - this man thought he was General Custer and wanted each crew to stand in front of their Vehs, when he circled his hand above his head they all assumed their positions on their respective Dets, second circle of the hand all the Vehs started in unison, third circle and a point towards the rear gate and the whole Tp moved off in line astern ("very pretty, but can they fight") Bravo Ssgt 'JT' used to look at the ground and shake his head slowly, now, you old sweats will remember that all MK2 Panzers were fitted with exhaust stacks - Payback!! Sunday night every Alpha veh. has 2x large tins of Compo Pom Powder emptied into their stacks, the second circle of the hand the next morning sees almighty explosions and a big black cloud heading for 11 Bde HQ, said 2LT looked like someone out of the Black and White Minstrels, he stopped that practise forthwith. Health and Safety - what the Farg is that?
  6. breathing.
  7. could a triffid do that ? maybe a c50, don't know about c70's only worked the other two.
  8. The second one was either Bravo or Kilo Tp of 4 Sqn 22SR in 1981 (Not on the mythical max power I might add). The det comd was a scottish friend of mine with a penchant for wearing a trilby when off duty.
  9. Best thing about B tp was you got left alone almost completely, except for the odd re-plen .
  10. Amen, to that.
  11. On exercise sat in a Dutch Base, discussing the chef out on exercise with the node, a female who prefered the ladies to the men. One of the guys refered to her as a "bean flicker", young Tp Commander looks up form his book and says "Bean flicker, is that what you call the Dutch."
  12. Goofing off somewhere near Haltern, working for some mad SO2 at HQ NORTHAG, the 1 Sqn 14 Sigs probe was rudely disturbed by a young RCT officer, who left his gi-huge convoy on the track by the (non-tactical) det loc approached the sentry and asked "Do you know where we are?".

    The sentry, a cracking R Tg who ran the comms det, looked at him and said "Sure." The young officer, a touch miffed at what he saw as dumb insolence, replied "So where are we?". "You're here (pointing at the gound), Sir."

    YO was now apoplectic and his Tp Sgt, standing in the background, was turning purple as he tried to control his laughter. YO takes a deep breath, decided to make a joke of it, laughs insincerely and explained "Look, this is rather embarrassing. We're from 8 Reg RCT* and we're on a mission and, um, we seem to have got turned around a bit."

    The R Tg glanced across at the RCT sergeant, who flicked him the barest possible wink and nodded fractionally. The R Tg nodded equally fractionally back and showed the YO his location on the map. The YO protested "No, that's wrong, that's not where we are!".

    "Fine, then, but it's where we are, Sir."

    *BAOR veterans will remember that 8 Regt RCT had the important job of trucking instant sunshine from the storage sites to the sunshine delivery outfits.
  13. Tytus_Barnowl

    Tytus_Barnowl On ROPs

    Young Rupert comes in to me and asks me how to make a victorian style brazzier, the sort they used to roast chestnuts on, he needs it for the Offrs mess xmas ball entrance. Being a good egg and running the A&G shop at the time I says no problem, I'll just get a couple of 5 gal oil drums, cut the tops off, knock a few holes in it. weld a couple of legs on the bottom and job done. For the price of a crate of course. 3 days later he comes back with 4 can pack of the cheeapest tesco special for our efforts. How do you get the red glow effect he says? Well as its only for a few hours just line it with red crepe paper and put a couple of torches on inside it, or alternatively for a realistic authentic effect buy some firelighters and light them then fill it with half a bag of smokeless.
    Fortunately I knew the QM well so when he proposed doing the latter the QM was in a position to tell him that I was probably only joking and nobody in their right mind would consider setting 2 fires outside the doors of the Officers Mess.