Young Offenders

#1
Posted here yesterday about the chance of being able to join up with a criminal record and there seems to be some hope for me which is good.

Just looking through some old posts and there seems to be some people on here who know about prison stuff. I am looking at 12-18 months in Young Offenders and go back to court at the end of the month for sentencing.

I've heard stuff about people getting stabbed and that but also that people think it's easy enough. None of my mates have been there so I don't really know what it's really like or what to expect.

Appreciate any info.
 
#2
Mark0106 said:
Posted here yesterday about the chance of being able to join up with a criminal record and there seems to be some hope for me which is good.

Just looking through some old posts and there seems to be some people on here who know about prison stuff. I am looking at 12-18 months in Young Offenders and go back to court at the end of the month for sentencing.

I've heard stuff about people getting stabbed and that but also that people think it's easy enough. None of my mates have been there so I don't really know what it's really like or what to expect.

Appreciate any info.
Stock up on the KY jelly/lube of choice otherwise shower time might get a bit painful for you :D
 
#3
You may also want to swot up on how best to defend yourself against a pool ball in a football sock (probably a dustbin lid and a screwdriver 8O )
 
#5
You should be ok, just as long as you don't mind your a55hole looking like someone has just kicked a hole into the side of a rotting hog carcass.

Only joking, it ain't so bad. But that first time when you force warm mashed potatoe into your cell mate's ass, then place rashers of raw bacon either side of the hole and top it off with a brillo pad at the base of his spine, all to form a makeshift cnut, that can take some getting used to.
 
#6
You will get raped, especially if you are pretty.

My advice is to find the 'Daddy' on arriveal, walk up to him, apply some tarty red lipstick and suck him inside out.

Tell him he can have that every day and your asshole if he stops you getting a kicking and to the front of the dinner queue.

What was your crime?
 
#7
Mark0106 said:
Posted here yesterday about the chance of being able to join up with a criminal record and there seems to be some hope for me which is good.

Just looking through some old posts and there seems to be some people on here who know about prison stuff. I am looking at 12-18 months in Young Offenders and go back to court at the end of the month for sentencing.

I've heard stuff about people getting stabbed and that but also that people think it's easy enough. None of my mates have been there so I don't really know what it's really like or what to expect.

Appreciate any info.
Best get used to playing mummies and daddies.

You'll be mummy by the way :lol:
 
#9
Don't push back or eveyone will think you're a puff. Conversely, before sentencing, mutilate your face with a stanley knife so you don't look too "purty". When you get released, put something back into the community you have wronged. I suggest donating your arrsehole to the local playground, where it can be suspended from a tree limb and used as a swing for small children.
 
#11
Blogg said:
Sure you have been much encouraged by all the replies. Never let it be said that ARRSE users are unhelpful.
Yeah thanks for that - just what I was looking for. Anyway not to worried about that - I can look after myself alright - got done for ABH.

Was really looking for more practical stuff - I'm hearing loads of dtuff from differenr people and don't know what's what.

Suppose what you're talking about goes on in the nick at Colchester!! Glad I won't be going there so.
 
#12
Mark0106 said:
Yeah thanks for that - just what I was looking for. Anyway not to worried about that - I can look after myself alright - got done for ABH.

Was really looking for more practical stuff - I'm hearing loads of dtuff from differenr people and don't know what's what.

Suppose what you're talking about goes on in the nick at Colchester!! Glad I won't be going there so.
ABH..... you big hero...

Bet it was a pensioner? or someone smaller than you?

Tell us a story about how you can look after yourself..... especially about how you would deal with an eight man room full of people that think you are a cheddar and wan't to inflict harm on your semi naked torso
 
#13
On your release you may wish to consider a career in some quiet little mortar platoon to give your bottom a well earned rest.

May I suggest 3 Para?
 
#14
Errm no mate I suggest a trip to the local blockbuster and hire out scum for educational purposes.....mind you by the time you come out of a YOI the army will will find a use alright........................by the time your bums been finished with inside you'll make a great muzzle cover for an AS90 :p
 
#15
Unless this was a very serious first offence you must have quite a considerable record to be looking at 12-18 months ( a 16yr old rapist recieved only 12mts recently). I have worked with kids that have had to build up a profile of offending behaviour involving several breaches of supervision orders etc, and consistant re-offending before being considered for a custodial sentence.

Each time you appear before the youth court the sentence is akin to an order to stop what you have been doing. Do you think that you would be able to understand an order because in the army your response to an order does not involve a multiple choice option.

If I had a pound for every kid I have worked with who thought they could look after themselves inside but ended up crying like little girls before lights out, I'd could retire now. A few words of advice, don't go into the greenhouse.
 
#16
Dont panic!!!

Do your "Bird"

get out then join up. Fcuk Civvy life after that!

Just think of it as your training being extended by howver manymonths you get on the in.

Howver, if you step out of line* in the Army they will drop you like a ton of s4it!!! So keep your nose clean and your head down!!

* Does not include beating up civillian scum on a Friday or Saturday night.
 
#17
[quote="minister_doh_nut

ABH..... you big hero...

Bet it was a pensioner? or someone smaller than you?

Tell us a story about how you can look after yourself..... especially about how you would deal with an eight man room full of people that think you are a cheddar and wan't to inflict harm on your semi naked torso[/quote]

No it wasn't a pensioner or anything like that - just another lad who was having a go and I had a go back but went too far and used a glass - not proud of it. It was one of the worst things I ever did and I do realise that's what got me into this situation. It was on CCTV too so that didn't look good.

I've seen Scum and won't be going into any glasshouses but that's years out of date and everybody says things have moved on - it's only a film after all. I don't know what I'll have to wear in there but know it won't be donkey jackets.

Yeah I have been in trouble before but I'm trying to make the best of things by getting ready for the next few months and thinking about life after that. People are always saying that the army would sort you out and that's what I'm thinking about - always been interested in it as I said before. I'm sure there are loads who do shitty things and don't get caught - well I did and I'll take what's coming.

Anyway, off out now but keeping out of trouble - only have a few more weekends to go.
 
#18
Hi Mark enjoy your evening. Is it White Cider tonight or a wee bit of 'Pikey Champagne' aka "Buckfast" that you will be indulging in this chilly autumn evening ?
 
#19
No chance fella. This isnt the bad old days any more. The army wont touch you, certainly until the conviction is spent. If ever.
 

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