Young Offenders

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Mark0106, Nov 2, 2006.

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  1. Posted here yesterday about the chance of being able to join up with a criminal record and there seems to be some hope for me which is good.

    Just looking through some old posts and there seems to be some people on here who know about prison stuff. I am looking at 12-18 months in Young Offenders and go back to court at the end of the month for sentencing.

    I've heard stuff about people getting stabbed and that but also that people think it's easy enough. None of my mates have been there so I don't really know what it's really like or what to expect.

    Appreciate any info.
  2. daz

    daz LE

    Stock up on the KY jelly/lube of choice otherwise shower time might get a bit painful for you :D
  3. You may also want to swot up on how best to defend yourself against a pool ball in a football sock (probably a dustbin lid and a screwdriver 8O )
  4. 'Just off for a quick burn guv'

    Keep away from the greenhouse and blokes in donkey jackets.
  5. You should be ok, just as long as you don't mind your a55hole looking like someone has just kicked a hole into the side of a rotting hog carcass.

    Only joking, it ain't so bad. But that first time when you force warm mashed potatoe into your cell mate's ass, then place rashers of raw bacon either side of the hole and top it off with a brillo pad at the base of his spine, all to form a makeshift cnut, that can take some getting used to.
  6. You will get raped, especially if you are pretty.

    My advice is to find the 'Daddy' on arriveal, walk up to him, apply some tarty red lipstick and suck him inside out.

    Tell him he can have that every day and your asshole if he stops you getting a kicking and to the front of the dinner queue.

    What was your crime?
  7. Best get used to playing mummies and daddies.

    You'll be mummy by the way :lol:
  8. Not always, he could be Daddy but would have to suck mummies c**k :wink:
  9. Don't push back or eveyone will think you're a puff. Conversely, before sentencing, mutilate your face with a stanley knife so you don't look too "purty". When you get released, put something back into the community you have wronged. I suggest donating your arrsehole to the local playground, where it can be suspended from a tree limb and used as a swing for small children.
  10. Coffee (and probably some wee from laughing so hard) all over the screen.
  11. Yeah thanks for that - just what I was looking for. Anyway not to worried about that - I can look after myself alright - got done for ABH.

    Was really looking for more practical stuff - I'm hearing loads of dtuff from differenr people and don't know what's what.

    Suppose what you're talking about goes on in the nick at Colchester!! Glad I won't be going there so.
  12. ABH..... you big hero...

    Bet it was a pensioner? or someone smaller than you?

    Tell us a story about how you can look after yourself..... especially about how you would deal with an eight man room full of people that think you are a cheddar and wan't to inflict harm on your semi naked torso
  13. On your release you may wish to consider a career in some quiet little mortar platoon to give your bottom a well earned rest.

    May I suggest 3 Para?
  14. Errm no mate I suggest a trip to the local blockbuster and hire out scum for educational purposes.....mind you by the time you come out of a YOI the army will will find a use the time your bums been finished with inside you'll make a great muzzle cover for an AS90 :p