• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

You'll all be pleased to know i'm dead... And it wasn't tso!

#1
This is pure class! I've just had an email from a Rev Frank williams (sic) in Nigeria showing three pics of my funeral and that if I send him $400 he'll get the money back from my estate that's being sent to some other bloke. "I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE KNOW MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH AND I DONT KNOW THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE NOT REPLY THE EMAILS I SENT TO YOU REGADING THE TRANSFERRING OF YOUR FUND." Facebook really is fab! Facebook can contact me on the other side... and show pictures of me in my casket at a Catholic funeral with the Carabinieri giving the salute. For some reason I'm also wearing glasses in the casket... and it doesn't look like me anyway. I could be horribly racist as to the brain cells in a Nigerian or other west African country's scammer, but I'll leave that up to you guys.
 
#2
I have worked in Nigeria, and take my word for it everyone is on the scam, if scamming was an Olympic sport Nigeria would always have at least two on the winning podium.
In my 12 months there I looked down the barrels of more rifles than I had in the 24 yrs in the mob, quickly realiased that military rank (at the time it was a military government) carries with it a great deal of clout and my miserable SNCO rank didnt get much, I gave myself a field promotion to full Col, and suddenly doors opened - at one military checkpoint (posh name for money extortion point), I got out the car and gave this Sgt such a bollocking for the state of him and his men that my Nigerian collegues belived we'd be shot (tadge off thread there!).

If you ever get the chance to go to Nigeria . . . DONT!
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#4
They are getting a bit desperate now clearly.
Scamming the deceased? How will you claim?
I'll keep this short... Couple of years ago a septic mate of mine carked it. He had varied business interests including a restaurant in Miami. A week after his death his sister gets an invoice from one of those firms that sell discount voucher books in US schools and churches. Just over $5,000. Which she passed on to me to handle since she was a tad upset at just having put her only brother in the fucking ground.

A short and interesting conversation ensued.

Nigerians are scammers. But they are not the only ones.
 
#6
This is pure class! I've just had an email from a Rev Frank williams (sic) in Nigeria showing three pics of my funeral and that if I send him $400 he'll get the money back from my estate that's being sent to some other bloke. "I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE KNOW MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH AND I DONT KNOW THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE NOT REPLY THE EMAILS I SENT TO YOU REGADING THE TRANSFERRING OF YOUR FUND." Facebook really is fab! Facebook can contact me on the other side... and show pictures of me in my casket at a Catholic funeral with the Carabinieri giving the salute. For some reason I'm also wearing glasses in the casket... and it doesn't look like me anyway. I could be horribly racist as to the brain cells in a Nigerian or other west African country's scammer, but I'll leave that up to you guys.
never mind all that bollox, lets get to the important bit, if your dead your not gonna need your boots, what size feet are you?

and seeing as its the naafi whats your widow like any pics!!!!!
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#7
never mind all that bollox, lets get to the important bit, if your dead your not gonna need your boots, what size feet are you?

and seeing as its the naafi whats your widow like any pics!!!!!
He is not dead and he is gay you insensitive heartless cunt. Your sort make me puke. Now, if you will excuse me, I shall go and tie a bunch of Tesco flowers around a random lamp post. *sniff*
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#12
Am I the first to notice how dusty it is in here all of a sudden?
When's your wake ND?
We are all waiting to hear from the Widow (his bird, who is also still alive) when she has coped with her grief as best she can (even though the cunt is sitting there watching Sky Sports and flicking his fag ash on the carpet).

But many people down the pub (he was our best bestest bezza and the rest appear to have shagged his bird) the general consensus is....

WOOTON BASSET
 
#13
We are all waiting to hear from the Widow (his bird, who is also still alive) when she has coped with her grief as best she can (even though the cunt is sitting there watching Sky Sports and flicking his fag ash on the carpet).

But many people down the pub (he was our best bestest bezza and the rest appear to have shagged his bird) the general consensus is....

WOOTON BASSET
That's ROYAL WOOTON BASSET to you!
 
#14
Have you told the taxman that you are dead?
There could be a saving to make on your national insurance as you will no longer need to make any patments to your pension scheme.
An perhaps you could tell us about life after death, is hell really as bad as Glasgow?






Still waiting for thr piccies of your widow.
 
#15
I have worked in Nigeria, and take my word for it everyone is on the scam, if scamming was an Olympic sport Nigeria would always have at least two on the winning podium.
In my 12 months there I looked down the barrels of more rifles than I had in the 24 yrs in the mob, quickly realiased that military rank (at the time it was a military government) carries with it a great deal of clout and my miserable SNCO rank didnt get much, I gave myself a field promotion to full Col, and suddenly doors opened - at one military checkpoint (posh name for money extortion point), I got out the car and gave this Sgt such a bollocking for the state of him and his men that my Nigerian collegues belived we'd be shot (tadge off thread there!).

If you ever get the chance to go to Nigeria . . . DONT!
I am ah Prince in mah own country- I've met a few.
 

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
I have worked in Nigeria, and take my word for it everyone is on the scam, if scamming was an Olympic sport Nigeria would always have at least two on the winning podium.
In my 12 months there I looked down the barrels of more rifles than I had in the 24 yrs in the mob, quickly realiased that military rank (at the time it was a military government) carries with it a great deal of clout and my miserable SNCO rank didnt get much, I gave myself a field promotion to full Col, and suddenly doors opened - at one military checkpoint (posh name for money extortion point), I got out the car and gave this Sgt such a bollocking for the state of him and his men that my Nigerian collegues belived we'd be shot (tadge off thread there!).

If you ever get the chance to go to Nigeria . . . DONT!
B0llocks - it's a fascinating place and I enjoyed working there - once I'd got the hang of it.

I do miss my monthly death threat from MEND though - "Dear Sir, We know you to be an honourable man but you must die..."

Happily there's no need for UK citizens to go to Nigeria, most of Nigeria's coming to us.
 

Latest Threads