You'll all be pleased to know i'm dead... And it wasn't tso!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Negligent-Discharge, Nov 9, 2012.

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  1. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    This is pure class! I've just had an email from a Rev Frank williams (sic) in Nigeria showing three pics of my funeral and that if I send him $400 he'll get the money back from my estate that's being sent to some other bloke. "I AM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE KNOW MORE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH AND I DONT KNOW THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE NOT REPLY THE EMAILS I SENT TO YOU REGADING THE TRANSFERRING OF YOUR FUND." Facebook really is fab! Facebook can contact me on the other side... and show pictures of me in my casket at a Catholic funeral with the Carabinieri giving the salute. For some reason I'm also wearing glasses in the casket... and it doesn't look like me anyway. I could be horribly racist as to the brain cells in a Nigerian or other west African country's scammer, but I'll leave that up to you guys.
    • Like Like x 4
  2. I have worked in Nigeria, and take my word for it everyone is on the scam, if scamming was an Olympic sport Nigeria would always have at least two on the winning podium.
    In my 12 months there I looked down the barrels of more rifles than I had in the 24 yrs in the mob, quickly realiased that military rank (at the time it was a military government) carries with it a great deal of clout and my miserable SNCO rank didnt get much, I gave myself a field promotion to full Col, and suddenly doors opened - at one military checkpoint (posh name for money extortion point), I got out the car and gave this Sgt such a bollocking for the state of him and his men that my Nigerian collegues belived we'd be shot (tadge off thread there!).

    If you ever get the chance to go to Nigeria . . . DONT!
    • Like Like x 2
  3. They are getting a bit desperate now clearly.
    Scamming the deceased? How will you claim?
    • Like Like x 1
  4. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke On ROPs Book Reviewer

    I'll keep this short... Couple of years ago a septic mate of mine carked it. He had varied business interests including a restaurant in Miami. A week after his death his sister gets an invoice from one of those firms that sell discount voucher books in US schools and churches. Just over $5,000. Which she passed on to me to handle since she was a tad upset at just having put her only brother in the fucking ground.

    A short and interesting conversation ensued.

    Nigerians are scammers. But they are not the only ones.
  5. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    on the other hand, at least it's a tiny bit more original than the usual 419 dross.
  6. never mind all that bollox, lets get to the important bit, if your dead your not gonna need your boots, what size feet are you?

    and seeing as its the naafi whats your widow like any pics!!!!!
  7. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke On ROPs Book Reviewer

    He is not dead and he is gay you insensitive heartless cunt. Your sort make me puke. Now, if you will excuse me, I shall go and tie a bunch of Tesco flowers around a random lamp post. *sniff*
    • Like Like x 4
  8. He was the people's ND
    • Like Like x 1
  9. You owed me a tenner.
  10. Am I the first to notice how dusty it is in here all of a sudden?

    When's your wake ND?
    • Like Like x 1
  11. my mum said you could be my dad,
    whos your will with?
  12. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke On ROPs Book Reviewer

    We are all waiting to hear from the Widow (his bird, who is also still alive) when she has coped with her grief as best she can (even though the cunt is sitting there watching Sky Sports and flicking his fag ash on the carpet).

    But many people down the pub (he was our best bestest bezza and the rest appear to have shagged his bird) the general consensus is....

  13. That's ROYAL WOOTON BASSET to you!
  14. Have you told the taxman that you are dead?
    There could be a saving to make on your national insurance as you will no longer need to make any patments to your pension scheme.
    An perhaps you could tell us about life after death, is hell really as bad as Glasgow?

    Still waiting for thr piccies of your widow.
  15. I am ah Prince in mah own country- I've met a few.