You utter Chod

#1
Only just hit me today, 6 yrs later, a Burd who was "a friend", Jenni, all those doulbe-entendres over the years, all the times I ve phantasised about her, only to realise now, that it took her 3-4 minutes to answer the door, and she stood before me in a towel with dry hair.......

Maybe I was too gentlemanly,I now realise that she was probably clothed when I rang the door-bell, de-kitted, but I just didnt read inbetween the lines,......she was gagging for it and I only accepted her "Englische Tee".

What a loser.

Be an honest man and post your biggest "Non-exchange of bodily fluids"
 
#2
The time in green I managed not to swap DNA with others in green, still if I was a Crab it would've been mandatory.
 
#3
Only just hit me today, 6 yrs later, a Burd who was "a friend", Jenni, all those doulbe-entendres over the years, all the times I ve phantasised about her, only to realise now, that it took her 3-4 minutes to answer the door, and she stood before me in a towel with dry hair.......

Maybe I was too gentlemanly,I now realise that she was probably clothed when I rang the door-bell, de-kitted, but I just didnt read inbetween the lines,......she was gagging for it and I only accepted her "Englische Tee".

What a loser.

Be an honest man and post your biggest "Non-exchange of bodily fluids"

Maybe she was in bed with someone else when you rang. :)
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#5
Only just hit me today, 6 yrs later, a Burd who was "a friend", Jenni, all those doulbe-entendres over the years, all the times I ve phantasised about her, only to realise now, that it took her 3-4 minutes to answer the door, and she stood before me in a towel with dry hair.......

Maybe I was too gentlemanly,I now realise that she was probably clothed when I rang the door-bell, de-kitted, but I just didnt read inbetween the lines,......she was gagging for it and I only accepted her "Englische Tee".

What a loser.
We were just thinking the same.
 
T

TheSnake

Guest
#7
NAAFI -check.

My half sisters are utter loons.
Every word, every movement i make...

The bastard inbreds
 
S

syledis

Guest
#10
Dont fucking moan, all the women i know on here see me as "nice" and "safe" that means they see me as borderline gay!!

I want to be exotic and dangerous, a sexual tyrannosaurus, with a nickname like killer, psycho, or chicken strangler, but no, im stuck with Honey Monster.
 
#11
good point by Syledis, you have to flirt and make at least one sexy comment for the very reason that if you don't you will be in the safe friend category of which there is no return.

Even the amoral bastard can move categories to become the lover(usually when acquiring a bit of money). The friend will just be a friend .

You daft shitcunt
 
#12
Dont fucking moan, all the women i know on here see me as "nice" and "safe" that means they see me as borderline gay!!
All the men see you as a spineless cunt who couldn't get a fuck in Raoul's with $50 Belizean hanging out your fly.
 
#14
I was living in Sicily, aged 20 and naive. I met a bird at the bus stop from Finland drinking a beer. She was not a great looker but very doable. She told me she was off home the next day but had nowhere to stay the night. Could she stay at mine?

I told her I only had one bed. She told me that was fine with her. I said no, where will I sleep?

She threw the bottle at me.

Unfortunately it missed.

That was 25 years ago and I've still not forgiven myself.

I was young and stupid and the only cunt that was ever going to be full of my cum was me.

Oh toe curling memories be gone!!!


 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#15
I thought this was going to be a thread about Bryan The Mogadon!
 
#16
I thought this was going to be a thread about Bryan The Mogadon!
I thought the same.

Anyway way back in the mists of time when I was 20, a nubile blond hairdresser I'll call Donna rang me on Friday night around 1900hrs, She had nothing to do that night but fancied a night out at the local disco but didn't want to go alone.
I had nothing to do that night either, but I was on me uppers and didn't want to spend any more cash I didn't have or sponge off a girl, though she did offer to pay for everything, so I politely said no thanks I really don't want to and hung up, just to spend a night alone watching crap telly with a cup of coffee. On mentioning this to another male friend he said You should have gone mate, she's a proper nympho her. I still curse my self to this day!
 
#17
Only just hit me today, 6 yrs later, a Burd who was "a friend", Jenni, all those doulbe-entendres over the years, all the times I ve phantasised about her, only to realise now, that it took her 3-4 minutes to answer the door, and she stood before me in a towel with dry hair.......

Maybe I was too gentlemanly,I now realise that she was probably clothed when I rang the door-bell, de-kitted, but I just didnt read inbetween the lines,......she was gagging for it and I only accepted her "Englische Tee".

What a loser.

Be an honest man and post your biggest "Non-exchange of bodily fluids"
I met a lovely young girl at the back of the tube station on Clapham Common. After the usual tedious courtship I'd finally managed to get on board her. The young thing's underwear was torn asunder and in the passion of the moment I'd got her gasping and writhing. After a good 5 minutes of of ecstatic thrusting I was just about to shoot my bounty when the little bitch managed to lay hands on her rape alarm.
 
#18
I had a real crush on Deborah, I know she liked me, Id just left the army in 91, we ran toward each other to hug and swirl, instead we stood silently til she cracked a shit joke, I laughed/snorted and filled my tache with snot, I have never seen her since

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#19
I had a real crush on Deborah, I know she liked me, Id just left the army in 91, we ran toward each other to hug and swirl, instead we stood silently til she cracked a shit joke, I laughed/snorted and filled my tache* with snot, I have never seen her since

Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
*The key phrase.
 

Bowmore_Assassin

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#20
but on arrival at the premises, she was alone and we drank a cup of tea....
He was locked in the wardrobe in his gimp suit, with nipple clamps. She showered having golden rained on him.

You loser.


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