You know you're Northern if...................

You define Summer as three months of bad coal picking.

* Your definition of a small town is one that only has five pubs.

* Bull bars, 'Tarn Army' and 'traffic light' air fresheners come standard on all your cars.

* You refer to the Tykes as "we."

* At least 50% of your relatives used to work downt pit.

* You can make sense out of the word Asthagorowttegivus.

* You have ever gotten frostbitten and suntanned in the same week.

* You identify a Sheffield accent as "Southern".

* You know what "twocking" is. (Taking Without Owners Consent)

* You learned to drive a Reliant Robin before the training wheels were off your bike.

* "Down South" to you means Chapletown.

* Traveling coast to coast means going from Wath-on Dearne to the Ladybower Res.


* Snap is something you eat.

* You know that a bag of spice is something kids eat.

* You were brassed off by the movie "Brassed Off."

*You have no problem saying Peniston.

* You consider Holmfirth "exotic."

* You got a passport to go to Leeds.

* Your idea of foreign culture is listening to Oasis.

* You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Barnsley Bitter.

* Summat to Eight is a meal, not the time of day.

* You used to think Mischievous Night was included as an official school holiday.

* You know that Jump is a real place.

* You have one word that means Hello, How are you,Whats this, Hang on a minute and bloody hell! (Ayup..)

* A Chip oil and a Bug oil is a grand night owt.

* Eastern Promise is a blind date in Doncaster.

* Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a miner next to your Leylandii.

* You think there should be a "Southern puff, go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Ecclesfield.

* Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new flymo.

* A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend yomping up the tips with the rotweiller.

* McDonalds is a posh night up town.

* You go to work in a shellsuit in the morning and return home wearing someone else's shorts.

* Kids roar..

* You know how to line dance.

* pop is a drink, not your grandad

* Formal wear is a kappa shirt, union jack boxers and a baseball cap.

* You think a warm winter coat is Thompsons Waterseal

* You are unaware there is a legal drinking age.

* You have to go to Tenerife to get a tan in August.

* You have caught a fish in the River Colne and it glowed in the dark.

* You know where the towns of Pogmoor and Pilley are

* You have more fishing poles than teeth...

* You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend .

* You know that "Oo war shi wi", "She wa wi ersen", O wa Shee Naa" "aaah shi wa" isn't Chinese

*You proudly claim that the Town Hall is the highest point in Yorkshire.

*You have subsidence insurance.

*Your idea of a cruise ship is a tin bath in the River Calder, and your idea of a foreign cruise ship is rowing boat on Scammonden Reservoir.

*You can pronounce "Alhambra" but can't spell it.

*If someone says "Castlereagh," "Pitt" or "Peel" you think Street instead of Prime Minister

*You get on a bus marked "Jump Circular" without a second thought.

*You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a central reservation while avoiding two joggers and a traccy bus then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake.

*You can consistently be the second or third person to run a red stop light.

*You got rear-ended 10 times by people with no insurance.

* The major question when the Huddersfield Examiner runs a restaurant review is "Whats a restaurant?"

*The rest of the review is about how Huddersfield got all cosmopolitan when Burtons sold out to Ronald McDonald

*You judge a cafe by its black pudding and gravy.

*You consider having warm chips and a pickled onion as your birthright.

*You call drinking water "Council Pop".

You visit another town and they "claim" to have Barnsley Chop -- but you know better.



Book Reviewer
You know you're a cunt if....................................... cut'n'paste a load of shite
Should it not be 'you know your from yorskhire' as most of that means fcuk all to me.
Should it not be 'you know your from yorskhire' as most of that means fcuk all to me.
I'm with you mate it reads like southern pish to me.
A mind numbing boring cunt at that.


Book Reviewer
You miserable set of southern cunts.

I hope you all come home one day and the coalmans shagging your missus or the kids.
We can afford proper heating,so we don't have coal down South, mind you neither does the North anymore :)
You know you're Northern if;

You think a pair of black eyes looks good on a woman.


You are a boring mong and I would like it very much if you would put your head in a wood chipper


Book Reviewer
wish there was a dislike button....
Easy way round that, matey. Press "Like" and then "Unlike" straight away, that'll learn 'em.
A Worker, I invite you to the Wakey Crawl, you intrigue me simply because
you are a Northerner and bored.
On arrival on Friday night at the Campanile, make it 1930hrs, I will book the
Ambulance for 1935hrs, Pinderfields is very nice, this time of year.

I look forward to Leathering you........Your good Mucker...Arters.

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