You know you're Northern if...................

You define Summer as three months of bad coal picking.

* Your definition of a small town is one that only has five pubs.

* Bull bars, 'Tarn Army' and 'traffic light' air fresheners come standard on all your cars.

* You refer to the Tykes as "we."

* At least 50% of your relatives used to work downt pit.

* You can make sense out of the word Asthagorowttegivus.

* You have ever gotten frostbitten and suntanned in the same week.

* You identify a Sheffield accent as "Southern".

* You know what "twocking" is. (Taking Without Owners Consent)

* You learned to drive a Reliant Robin before the training wheels were off your bike.

* "Down South" to you means Chapletown.

* Traveling coast to coast means going from Wath-on Dearne to the Ladybower Res.


* Snap is something you eat.

* You know that a bag of spice is something kids eat.

* You were brassed off by the movie "Brassed Off."

*You have no problem saying Peniston.

* You consider Holmfirth "exotic."

* You got a passport to go to Leeds.

* Your idea of foreign culture is listening to Oasis.

* You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Barnsley Bitter.

* Summat to Eight is a meal, not the time of day.

* You used to think Mischievous Night was included as an official school holiday.

* You know that Jump is a real place.

* You have one word that means Hello, How are you,Whats this, Hang on a minute and bloody hell! (Ayup..)

* A Chip oil and a Bug oil is a grand night owt.

* Eastern Promise is a blind date in Doncaster.

* Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a miner next to your Leylandii.

* You think there should be a "Southern puff, go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Ecclesfield.

* Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new flymo.

* A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend yomping up the tips with the rotweiller.

* McDonalds is a posh night up town.

* You go to work in a shellsuit in the morning and return home wearing someone else's shorts.

* Kids roar..

* You know how to line dance.

* pop is a drink, not your grandad

* Formal wear is a kappa shirt, union jack boxers and a baseball cap.

* You think a warm winter coat is Thompsons Waterseal

* You are unaware there is a legal drinking age.

* You have to go to Tenerife to get a tan in August.

* You have caught a fish in the River Colne and it glowed in the dark.

* You know where the towns of Pogmoor and Pilley are

* You have more fishing poles than teeth...

* You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend .

* You know that "Oo war shi wi", "She wa wi ersen", O wa Shee Naa" "aaah shi wa" isn't Chinese

*You proudly claim that the Town Hall is the highest point in Yorkshire.

*You have subsidence insurance.

*Your idea of a cruise ship is a tin bath in the River Calder, and your idea of a foreign cruise ship is rowing boat on Scammonden Reservoir.

*You can pronounce "Alhambra" but can't spell it.

*If someone says "Castlereagh," "Pitt" or "Peel" you think Street instead of Prime Minister

*You get on a bus marked "Jump Circular" without a second thought.

*You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a central reservation while avoiding two joggers and a traccy bus then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake.

*You can consistently be the second or third person to run a red stop light.

*You got rear-ended 10 times by people with no insurance.

* The major question when the Huddersfield Examiner runs a restaurant review is "Whats a restaurant?"

*The rest of the review is about how Huddersfield got all cosmopolitan when Burtons sold out to Ronald McDonald

*You judge a cafe by its black pudding and gravy.

*You consider having warm chips and a pickled onion as your birthright.

*You call drinking water "Council Pop".

You visit another town and they "claim" to have Barnsley Chop -- but you know better.



You are a boring mong and I would like it very much if you would put your head in a wood chipper
A Worker, I invite you to the Wakey Crawl, you intrigue me simply because
you are a Northerner and bored.
On arrival on Friday night at the Campanile, make it 1930hrs, I will book the
Ambulance for 1935hrs, Pinderfields is very nice, this time of year.

I look forward to Leathering you........Your good Mucker...Arters.

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