You know youre getting old when.......

the thought of curled up on the sofa with a glass of wine and a good DVD is more appealing than going out and getting trolleyed.

You wear flat shoes on a night out because they are more comfortable.

You go to bed earlier and earlier and get up earlier and earlier.

Sex is just a distant memory.

Your car radio is tuned into SAGA FM
For no apparent reason, you decide to make a bonfire!!
You've just celebrated your 90th birthday.
You have a bag of army and navy sweets by your rocking chair.
you spend your weekends trawling through b+q for "somthing nice for the garden"

you wake up in a care home with no recolection of the day, time or what your name is!
All of your favorite songs are being played on capital gold.
You stop having wet dreams and dry farts and start having dry dr.........

You are still a twice a night man, but now you are counting nocturnal trips to the bathroom...

You start to think Anne Widdecombe is really rather ..............

You buy a pair of those special trousers that have a waistband just under the armpits and are held up by braces....

You start wearing a flat cap and drive at 20mph under the speed limit.....

You finally become eligible to join the Young Conservatives...
A government bloke comes round and fits an Extra loud dial on your T.V
You can't remember your name, but you can remember lovely old Mavis who lived at numer 37. You know, big girl, worked in the canteen at the pits.

Anyone for a lovely cup of tea?

Darling, I think I've had an accident.

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