You know you're a Taliban if...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by General_Layabout, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

    You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

    You have more wives than teeth.

    You wipe your arse with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

    You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

    You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

    You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

    You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

    You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

    You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

    You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

    You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
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  2. He who laughs last laughs loudest.
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  3. Thinking of Thursday gives you a hard on.
  4. Excellent ! All ham du la bacon shop !
  5. No.4 Mk.1

    No.4 Mk.1 On ROPs

    You know you're Taliban when... you have continued the family tradition (going back generations) of humiliating the British Army in battle
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  6. Goat is that >>> way, you must have got lost.

    Maybe that explains your lying posts though?
  7. And ignore is now engaged you dullard.
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  8. Could you point out these Humiliations (aside from the embarrassment of the whole Khyber pass disaster) of course if you are in youre own unique manner defining a defeat as a humiliation, or less than 100% victory as a humiliation or Political failures as a military humiliation then not only are you engaging in your normal dullardry you also need to consider all those Humiliations the Taleban / Afghanistanis have suffered as well.

    Still at least Spider may avoid the site penis 2016 award
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  9. Goodness take me to task for posting on the jokes're a positive laugh a minute, you are...
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  10. No I didn't - I don't care where you post - What I complained about is how crap your jokes are.

    Yes I know mine are also dire but im not daft enough to start a thread with them.
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  11. No.4 Mk.1

    No.4 Mk.1 On ROPs

    It was 15 heavily armed Taliban wandering round Bastion Airfield, slotting a couple of septics, having 8 Harrier cremations and sending flames 100m into the sky when they torched the fuel stores that swung it for me personally.

    My humiliation was not that the Taliban were so audacious - my humiliation was that the raid was the most easily preventable attack eva, but i was serving with an army who really didn't seem to give a fcuk or have a clue. I did 6 months mostly in Bastion but also 5 CLPs that i fucking loved, and yet the only time i was truly scared, terrified, was in an airfield guard tower the week before the raid. I saw how wide open, vulnerable and 'don't give a fuck' we were and I tried to raise concerns, but could not find anyone actually gave a fuck.

    The Government report into the attack is a fucking whitewash too - all those responsible had tea, biscuits, promotions, gongs and brass bands before anyone even looked at the report.

    10 seconds after the ammo dump went up i was in my tent donning body drama, etc ready to jump on to a truck to the airfield or just save our arrses from secondary attackers. In the time it had taken me to get battle ready the Corporals who'd i'd heard the first shots with were still finishing their ciggies in the smoke area and the greatest other reaction from other junior ranks was to grab their cameras and stand on the Hesco in t-shirts trying to film the battle that was just a few minutes old.

    The British Army humiliated itself that night, and that ladies and gentlemen is a fact. Afghans will be telling their children that legend in 100 years, as the US Marine Corp probably will too.
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  12. That is gobsmackingly sad, wrong, words fail me..........
  13. So a failure by a few becomes a failure by all.

    As to the rest Those that stayed put or grabbed cameras that you are condemning for not running blindly towards the gunfire and potentially across another units line of fire, happen they were doing as ordered and were not simply uncaring or the idiots it suits you to believe they are.

    Not being there I wouldn't know, but perceptions and facts aren't always in tune

    Edit but allowing for that that's 2 hardly repeatedly or traditional.
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2016
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