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You know youre a Squadron Armourer when...

#1
With thanks to JC on our trade forum,Bombheads World.

You may be a Squadron Plumber if you've ever…
Slept on the concrete or under an aircraft
Wished your aircraft would drop something on a politicians house
Ever said "Oh yeah, it's supposed to look like that, Sir" Been told "It'll do a trip" by the Riggers/Sooties/Fairies/Leckies
Fallen down a hole/trench in the dark, on a HAS site
You consider hydraulic oil/Avtur, on food, an "acquired taste"
Have sucked on Oxygen to cure a hangover
Know what Avtur tastes like
Used a black grease pencil to cover a "Worn to Limits" tyre
Have sung rude songs in a bar, in a foreign country (and had to do an encore for the locals)
Used a piece of lockwire as a toothpick
Someone has stopped you before you curse at "The Management" over the radio
Thrown your radio at a wall/dog/liney due to "Management Decisions"
You refer to pilots as "Fingers-to-Stick Interfaces"
You've been tied to a 'S' type with "Ty-Wraps" and bodge tape, doused in vile (unmentionable) liquid and cleaned off by a fire hose/crash truck
Got lost on a HAS site in the dark
Worked a 14-hour shift to fix an aircraft that doesn't fly the next day
Moved an aircraft "because it's on the wrong spot"
B/F'd a jet in awful/freezing weather, only for the aircrew to cancel after engine start
Stood in the pouring rain/howling blizzard for ages, because the aircrew changed their "Crew Walk" time
Ever been hassled in the mess for shave/boots/uniform/smell after an early start, or a 14 hour shift
Used the 'W' loaders to have a rally around the HAS site
You talk to your plane (in your head still counts)
Your spouse/partner/friends refuse to watch a TV show about planes, and you're in it
Blamed the RAFP for turning the HAS site into a rally circuit
You've ever said, "it was fine on the B/F" Used a chock as a hammer
Called the WO "Matey" over the phone
The only thing you remember about a city is where the good bars are
B/F'd the wrong jet, in the wrong HAS, and sworn you're not at fault
You know more about your co-workers than you do your own family
Can yam a pint in under 10 seconds
Can do the above standing on your head
When you finish on a Friday, there are enough empty beer cans to build a plane to fly home on
Ever looked in a book/magazine on aviation, for one of the Squadron's aircraft
You've ever wished the aircrew said, "Great kite, thank you"
Ever tried to clear a van by farting
Cleared the crewroom after an evening of Guinness, curry and pickled eggs
You relieve yourself more often outdoors than indoors, and a LOT of people, other than your Mother, have seen you do it
You've worked 12-hour shifts, for all the detachment, while the non-Techies/Klingons went sight seeing/on the piss
You can never figure out why your "14 days allowances" are gone after 3 days
You can never get through a detachment without finding an ATM
You have had to explain to your spouse/partner where "all the moneys gone"
You can sleep anywhere, anytime, but as soon as the engines shut down you are wide-awake
Most people think your job consists of waving your arms a lot
Ever used a helmet, or chock, as a pillow "Slept it off" on top of the lockers in the locker room
Vented a LOX-pot with a broom handle, to get Oxy to cure a hangover
Been gouged by lock-wire (lock-wiring yourself to an aircraft counts)
Stood on a chock to keep your feet dry
Used snips to trim your fingernails
Fallen asleep wearing a respirator
Ever used PRC to fix a stripped screw
Know what a "Grolly Bar" is used for
Been a "Hangar Pilot" whilst riding brakes
Used a rag spanner, just as the crew arrive
Know what a rag spanner is
Have thrown up 2 days in a row
Have gotten the new guys drunk, just so you could laugh at them the next day
Borrowed someone's beret to go to the mess/gen office
. Ever taken pride in grossing someone out (including some one's partner/wife)
Made sure the first thing briefed on an exercise is the beer fund
All you care about is the amount of TOIL the Squadron owes you, and constantly remind people of it
Been "Pond-a-Grammed" for annoying the Riggers/Sooties/Fairies
Hit the bar before you've unpacked
Begged someone for their "Resolve"/"Gaviscon"
Felt embarrassed by the aircrew turning up at the bar in their "Grow-Bags"
Hated the fact that Klingons get jollies, and you don't
Ever thrown something still living into liquid LOX/Nitrogen
Wondered where they find the idiots that make up the new rules
Have been woken up by the returning drunks turning all the lights on
Woken up with ½ a moustache or one eyebrow
Come back drunk and serenaded the lads
Have had to defuel the plane, ½ hour after you refuelled it
Been chased, in a foreign country, by local coppers for putting traffic cones on top of lamp posts
Fallen asleep IN a meal
Been on a Squadron where the guy held in the highest regard, is the guy who can skull a 6-pack, in under 5 minutes, and not throw
Driven home and don't remember it
You tell your peers you are getting divorced, and the first thing they ask is "selling anything?"
You've gone to work straight from the bar
You've gone rushing into work, driving like a loon, because you thought you heard "the hooter"
You enjoy exercise food, cos it's free
Done a B/F on "autopilot"
Everyone you know has some kind of nickname
You have thrown up, when you discover that the "Possible bird-strike", has gone through the engine
You can eat a large meal, when sensible people are catching ZZZ's
 
#2
Played HAS cricket
Damaged a bowser whilst playing HAS cricket
Answered the phone with your hand over your mouth (to get told "we know you feckers are not wearing ressies)
Collected various gizzits from all around the world for the squadron bar
Packed enough duty free in the empty spaces on an F16 to have a very happy weekend
Watched the smoothest take off an F16 packed with booze has ever done
Get upset when dragged away from a marathon game of uckers to see a kite in
Get mistaken for security by spam aircrew (yes i know i'm carrying a big gun but i am your see off crew)
Make said aircrew ill whilst eating cold egg banjo covered in activated charcoal
Impaled yourself on an IFF aerial
Have various scars on your head from impacting sticky out bits of aircraft
Have upper frequency hearing loss
Love doing gate guard as its a rest from real work
Hate movers
Have a quiet hiding place to sleep off previous nights excesses
Spent two hours getting the wire locking just right to realise its anti-locked
Come in on shift to realise the snag from yesterday is still there
Its always "the other shift's" fault
You hate "the other shift" till you're on the piss together then you hate everyone else
:D
 

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