You know youre a cop when.....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BossHogg, Sep 19, 2007.

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  1. I found this on an American Police forum, septic speak aside, how many of these apply to us? (this will probably end up in the hole!!)

    YOU MAY BE A COP IF ....

    You have the bladder capacity of five people.
    You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

    You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.

    Your idea of a good time is a gun run or a car chase.

    You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.

    You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.

    You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.

    You have your weekends off planned for a year.

    You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

    You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located.

    You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it right the first time."

    You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.

    You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
    You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .15

    You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.

    Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."

    People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places...and you know where it's located.

    You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.

    You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

    You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."

    You do not see daylight from November until May.

    People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.

    A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and 5 pairs of underwear.

    You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday".

    You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.

    You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."

    Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.

    You find humor in other people's stupidity.

    You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.

    You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight".
     
  2. You know you're a cop when the bad back that's kept you off work on full pay for months clears up miraculously around the time of the big match.
     
  3. When you find no-one likes you??
     
  4. You know you're a copper when your only friends are other coppers.
     
  5. Meoowww. Saucer of milk, table 5.
     
  6. you know when youre a cop when you post things aimed at americans.
     
  7. You prefer to put pictures of naked children on your profile than the opposite/same/transgendered etc sex.
     
  8. You know you're a cop when you look at yourself in a mirror and say "You're under a vest".

    Basil Brush take 2
     
  9. you know your a cop when you check your mates roadtax ,when your round your mates house and you run an eye over the house plants,when you go to car boot sales on your day off to find stolen goods 8O
     
  10. Your spine falls out of your ar*ehole
     
  11. When you don't respond to a legitimate complaint and then arrest the complainant at a later date because he's had enough.



    *not that it happened to me I add!*
     
  12. When everyone else thinks you are a complete hippocritacle c*nt
     
  13. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    ...... when you dare people to race the wrong way down the M4
     
  14. I did wonder when that would start.
     
  15. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    You walk down the street & say to a passer by

    "Good morning"

    and get

    "F*ck off,you's black bast'rd"