You know your German if...

Discussion in 'Sappers' started by Clerk_of_Jerks, Dec 31, 2007.

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  1. Blatantly took this off another website but thought it was funny.

    You know you're German if...

    You separate your trash into more than five different bins.
    Your front door has a sign with your family name made from salt dough.
    You carry a "4You" backpack.
    You eat a cold dinner at 6pm.
    You call your cell phone "handy" and a projector "beamer".
    You have no problems with nude beaches and saunas.
    You have asked your Asian-American friend, "No, but where are you *really* from?"
    You have gotten splinters from environmentally friendly toiled paper.
    You call an afternoon stroll "Nordic Walking".
    You are shocked when you have to pay for dental care.
    You own a pair of jeans in a color other than blue.
    People start talking about Hitler and Hofbräuhaus when you tell them where you're from.
    Tenth grade was all about dancing lessons.
    You work 40 hour weeks and have 6 weeks of vacation a year, but complain about hard times.
    Your childhood diet consisted of Alete and Zwieback. Your college diet consisted of Miracoli and Döner.
    You were educated about sex by Dr. Sommer.
    You yell at people for jaywalking.
    You grew up watching "Löwenzahn" and "Die Sendung mit der Maus". And Baywatch.
    You think college tuition is an outrage.
    You routinely go 100mph on the highway and tailgate heavily.
    On your last day of high school you made your teachers sing Karaoke and jump through hoops.
    You wear brown leather shoes.
    Your first audio tape was Benjamin Blümchen and Bibi Blocksberg.
    You have ended an English sentence with "..., or?".
    You can tell at least one Manta joke.
    You're a college student in your 11th year.
    Your first sexual experience was on Sat1, Saturday night at 11pm.
    You spent hours in school learning to pronounce "th".
    You expect chocolate in your shoes on December 6th.
    You complain that in other countries everything is dirty.

    I'm sure there are more....
  2. Your mother used to to sing you to sleep with the Horst Wessel song.

    You wear jackboots on a daily basis.

    You enjoy invading nearby countries.

    You have trimmed your moustache just a little too much.
  3. Your living room is never big enough
  4. You wear sandals with white socks.
  5. You have Poland, The Low Countries and The Sudatenland saved as favourite destinations in your satnav.
  6. your wife gets you to plait her armpits for a big nght out.
  7. You order 5 beers by raising you left arm, held straight, at an angle of 45 degrees!

    And shouting "Hail Victory - and two with a lemon top"

    FFS I meant right arm - I am now not coming back from the Pub :twisted:
  8. You have gas central heating and eleven holes in your showerhead.
  9. ... you're an ignorant bastard who thinks queues are OK for everybody - except you.

    ... you're an ignorant bastard who thinks that just beause someone is British they don't understand the crap that you're talking.

    ... you're an ignorant bastard who thinks they own the road, and won't move from the middle lane of the autobahn, despite the 1st lane being empty and everyone else doing at leask 40kph more than you and having to swerve around you as you weave across the lanes in your truck.

    ... you're an ignorant bastard who thinks they can screw an extra wad of cash out of someone just because they're British, and might not understand the language.
  10. issues Legs???
  11. Me? Whatever gave you that idea?
  12. You married somebody from The South ,and still end up with a geordie accent.
  13. ..have no sense of humour

  14. So true :wink:
  15. You frown at your British neighbours for not clearing the snow of their paths 5 seconds after its fallen and for hanging up their washing outdoors on a sunday!