You Killers

Who have you killed?
Outside of ops ongoing and past, keep safe those that are still on.
Not mates who you killed with an ND or other error of that kind, but the one you or a friend got away with.
Now I’m not making light of these situations, of course this involves the poor soul it took place upon,
But you/he/she did get away with it.
Mine starts with not being a firsthand witness of the scene, but with two trusted mates, on tour in Africa.
On returning from their up country visit, I met them outside our tent, I immediately notice
the dent in the driver’s side, one that you could sink your fist into, smack on the curved corner.
They were having a good chit chat when they both suddenly look forward and see something on the road at that early time in the low morning light.
He tries to swerve but bang, he hits the poor fecker, the victim flies by the driver’s door.
They get out and go inspect the victim, decide its best to keep going.
They never told me what they did with the body of the Zebra.

 

I bored a bird to death once. 6 snakebites and a works function do not mix.

 

I gave a drunk driver the good news with a Volvo 340L many moons ago. He ran a red light and I got him dead centre of the drivers door. His passenger survived even though he had no seatbelt on and ended up on the parcel shelf of the MG Metro they were in.

The drivers arm came off and as they cut him out he reminded me of a bin bag full of custard.

I got a few weeks off work and a fat cheque eventually because my first words to the paramedics were "my neck dont half hurt chief." Happy days.

 

"You just dont lead them as much"........

 

No Duff.

I shot an instructor with a .177 air-rifle when I was in the cadets. He did actually die. Eventually about 30 years later. Obviously it took a while for the pellet to do him in.

 

The upside of it was I didnt have to drive the god awful Volvo my dad bought me as my first car.

(Although the Fiat I.E. Turbo I later bought with said cheque helped me lose my licence. Points dont win prizes)

 

Came fck*ng very very close . Ex on soltau hammering down a firebreak/gap in the woods ( well motoring it was a chiefie) pitch black driver closed down, almighty bang, tank takes off we land about 40 feet down the track, i am bolloking my driver when lights come on suddenly all around us, 3 x 432's had parked up for the night in the dark, one of them, the dickhead one, had parked across the break in a
piece of hollow ground. Two guys on top were sent arse over tip into the trees, one seriously mangled, he did survive but "nearly"
If you are reading this India Tree Tree of the R.I. Rangers as was .....ooooooops



Oh and i did run over a pheasant about 2 weeks ago, bit crunchy and boney, but tasty too.

 

A dog in my trusty alfa 147 a few years back, head went one way and had a healthy dose of dog shit up the wheel arch, just washed the car shortly before hand!

 

I loved that car, it had an L.E.D speedo like a fruit machine so Id just see i could get the jackpot.

 

I was once on a plane where snakes had somehow got on board. There were snakes on a plane.

I heard the screams of the distressed and it was horrible. But so far as I am aware, snakes cannot climb the stairs to first class. So I requested another G&T and fell asleep until we landed in.... er... wherever it was and unloaded the deaders from cattle class. We were held up in baggage claim for ages.

I once torched a dog. But then, I was young and sadistic.

 

Is that like, 'came very close to getting pregnant' Or, 'came very close to lamping the cunt', or 'came very close to jumping off of Beachy Head'?

I once 'came very close' to replacing the engine in a VW Passat Estate. But then I though, 'fuck it' and I scrapped it.

'Came very close' is not the same as killing a thing, I think.

 

I have so far murdered:

1. A kitten I was looking after when in Cyprus when the owners were on leave in UK. The effing thing just karked it in the middle of the night. I'd fed and watered it and everything. Turns out it hadn't had it's jabs.

2. A rabbit that decided it would sit on the A34 and stop to look at the headlights of the car and not move away quickly enough. "Bump squish".

3. A goldfish that I forgot to feed. Came home from work one day and it was there in it's bowl - all goldfish faced. I had to get the bloke doing my tiles to shove it down the grid outside. If I'd have flushed it down the bog, it might have come back to haunt me.

4. Anyone who has ever eaten my cooking.

 

So you won't be setting up a holiday home for pets then.

 

I was RAMC, 'course I killed people.

 

You were going fast enough in a Chieftain Tank take off for 40 feet! My Arrse!