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YOU HAVE WON A PRIZE MONEY OF FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND..

#1
.. GREAT BRITAIN POUND STERLINGS(£500,000.00)!

Bored, I was, when an email dropped through the e-door to tell me that "CONGRATULATION'S YOUR EMAIL HAS EMERGED AS ONE OF THE LUCKY WINNER ."

Never mind the grammar or spelling, this was my lucky day (some of us have spare time to fill in the evenings - definitely not during working hours, oh no). According to the body of the email,

This is to inform you that you have won a prize money of Five hundred
> thousand, Great Britain Pound Sterlings(£500,000.00) for the month of
> June 2007 Lottery promotion which is organized by YAHOO/MSN LOTTERY
> INC & WINDOWS LIVE.
>
> Yahoo/Msn Lottery Prize must be claimed no later than 20 days from
date
> of Draw Notification after the Draw date in which Prize has won. Any
> prize not claimed within this period will be forfeited.
>
> These are your identification numbers:
>
> Batch number.....................YM 09102XN
> Reff number.......................YM35447XN
> Winning number...................YM09788
All I had to do to collect my winnings (consisting of a "certified parcel") was to specify how I wanted it delivered to me ("Biff":

Please find below our charges:
__________________________
Normal class delivery: in 120 hours
__________________________
(cost of delivery)
Courier Charges: £130.00 pounds
Insurance: £400.00 pounds
Administrative: £120.00 pounds
Total: £650.00 pounds
____________________________
Premium class delivery:72 hours

_____________________________


(cost of delivery)
Courier Charges: £150.00 pounds
Insurance £400.00 pounds
Administrative: £190.00 pounds
Total: £740.00 pounds
________________________
First class delivery:48 hours
________________________


(cost of delivery)
Courier Charges: £240.00 pounds
Insurance: £400.00 pounds
Administrative: £270.00 pounds
Total: £910.00 pounds.

Note:The charges are a little high because of the insurance cover we have undertaken incase of loss,damage or theft of your highly sensitive consignment content.
I can't lose! They're going to send a brown paper and string package ...
Description of parcel to be delivered :
Weight of parcel .....................0.13kg
Color of parcel............................Brown
Lenght of Days.........................Pending on your choice of delivery.
Parcel Status...Metallic Sealed
... stuffed with used tenners to the Biff postbox! However, I'm a suspicious type, so there was a bit of a kerfuffle with Mrs.Gloria Bent (Yahoo/Msn Lottery Games/Lottery Coordinator) and Mr. Luise Morgan (Account Officer), by a short series of emails including:

Hallo, ive tried to call the telephine number but I'm using Skype and it wont let me call it. Can you give me a number which i can use with SKYPE please as I want to send the necesary charge to get the packet here as qquickly as posible. I AM very happy to be yours truly Biff McQuarie
and

Hello agian, thanks for givng me the informations. I have the money here and i'll send it as sson as I can. But I have been told by my boss that I shoud get some kind of garantee, from you because he says that sometimes there are theives who trick you out of mony. Can you please s give me a garantee os some sort? He sayd that if you sent a proper letter it woud shouw bone fidis. Biff
They're very patient. Each time Biff receives a headed letter from the Fast Way Courier Company:

Unit 6, Marino Way,
Hogwood Lane,
Industrial Estate
Finchampstead
Berkshire RG40 4RF.
London United Kingdom.
TELL:+44 7011 1500 92

Dear Esteem Customer, "Biff McQuarie"

Greetings to you,from Fast Way Delivery Courier Courier Compony,
We acknowledged the receipt of your mail in this office and the content was well understood.
...and advice on how to proceed further. They're very hot on fake applications, too:

The Yahoo/Msn & Microsoft Windows lottery has discovered a huge number of double claims due to winners informing close friends relatives and third parties about their winning and also sharing their pin numbers. As a result of this, this friends try to claim the lottery on behalf of the real winners. The Microsoft lottery has reached a decision from headquarters that any double claim discovered by the Lottery Board will result to the cancelling of that particular winning, making a loss for both the double claimer and the real winner, as it is taken that the real winner was the informer to the double claimer about the lottery. So you are hereby strongly advised once more to keep your winnings strictly confidential until you claim your prize.
...so I'd better keep quiet about all of this.

I'm now waiting for "Mr. Abart Derrick, of the FAST WAY DELIVERY COURIER COMPANY {F.W.D.C.C}" to reply to my last, then obviously I'm going to fire off nine hundred naughty pounds to him.

Or maybe not. What should come next?
 
#2
Nice one ... love your carp speeling ... must convince them they're on to a twaaat! ;-)

I'd run down to the Post Office right now, draw out your pennies, send them by courier in a sack and then start planning your holiday home in the West Indies / Nigeria /Burkino Fasso :)
 
#3
i'd happily swap 900 quid for five hundred thousand great britain pound sterlings. go for it. if by chance you should choose not to claim, then wing me this 'PIN' thingy so i can 'double claim' first and take the prize of this wondrous and ever so blatantly genuine lottery.
 
#4
By the way, I really couldn't get through to the telephone number using SKYPE (it's some sort of forwarding service, which forwards the call to another number with a gentleman who owns a very odd accent at the end of it). I very quickly used my mobile this evening and gave "wrong number" when he picked up and he said "Yoaghh, yoagh?" in a sort of strangled Albanian accent (?).

Please, to anyone in the UK who's on shift or something tonight (and thereafter), call him at 3 or 4 in the morning and claim a prize. I'm sure he'll love making you a happy half-millionaire.
 
#5
Whiskybreath said:
By the way, I really couldn't get through to the telephone number using SKYPE (it's some sort of forwarding service, which forwards the call to another number with a gentleman who owns a very odd accent at the end of it). I very quickly used my mobile this evening and gave "wrong number" when he picked up and he said "Yoaghh, yoagh?" in a sort of strangled Albanian accent (?).

Please, to anyone in the UK who's on shift or something tonight (and thereafter), call him at 3 or 4 in the morning and claim a prize. I'm sure he'll love making you a happy half-millionaire.
Oh, yeah. Like ... FO, pal!! And I expect you'll want a share for putting me on to this earner, then?

:lol:
 
#7
I placed my motorbike up for sale on the loot and was surprised at the speed of the response for a buyer: See the gentleman`s E mail from p.cold1950@yahoo.co.uk.

Hello,
Sorry for the late respond, I know you will be such a wondefull and reliable person to transact with.The best offer i can make and i which that will be more satisfy by you is £1,500 but the problem is that am out of cash as at now but i have a creditor in state who is oweing me the sum of £3,700 but promise to pay me with a certified cheque drawn in the u.k. In thiscase i will instruct him to make the check sent toyou on my behalf,You will deduct your cost of chargesand assist me in sending the rest cash to my personal shipper that will come for the pick-up of the (BIKE) via Western Union money Transfer so that they will prepared all paper document on the pick-up arrangement to prove that the goods is not a stolen one and all other necessary arrangement too,They will also deduct the flight fee out of my out standing balance also.Now i will like to know it's exactdimension,weight and leght because my shipper will also need this details as well.I hope i can trust you with my exess funds?I will be very glad if you can make this transaction smoothly ucessfull because this our first time of having things together if i see you are a straight forward person then we can still do a lot of things together in future.You can kindly cash the cheque immediately in the bank because it's a cetisfied cheque.If you are ok with my explanations and certisfied with my mode of payment you can provide me your full details
such as:

Full Name on cheque...
Home Address...
State...
Zipcode...
Country...
Telephone Number...
Mobilephone number...
Fax Number...

If the details are provided then i know you are serious seller because i don't want any delay or dissapointment till this transaction will be terminated so that we will make it a succesful one ..I will conpesate you with £50 for you to remove the advert from the website because i need the (BIKE) urgently ,Actually am a citizen of u.k too ok. i will be looking forward to read from you..
MY REGARDS..
________________________________________
You're not bound to your email address, it's a snitch to switch. Give Yahoo! Mail a try.
My response as follows:

Judging by your response I do feel that you are keen to initiate this transaction. I am also keen to do business.

DVLA will require me to fill in V19 certificate (Certificate of vehicle registration) stating that I have sold the vehicle in order for them to ensure UK road tax is paid. If this is not completed I will receive a fine. As the bike is being exported outside of the UK Vehicle Excise Duty (VED) is waivered although I do require details of the new registered keeper as follows:

Name
Address
Zip/Post Code
Country of Export

Once this information is supplied I can fill the V19 form in and the registration form will be returned to you from DVLA registering you as the official owner.

It is requested that this information is supplied soonest as I have other people interested in this purchase.

I look forward to your response and ultimately the completion of this transaction.

Regards

Mac
My suspicions were aroused by his slightly odd use of the English language indicating that perhaps it was not his first language and the fact that the thick sh*t has used a generic mail merge type letter and has failed to remove the parenthesis when inserting the item description.

Unfortunately I have received no further reply from the gentleman* (insert ripping off scamming barsteward). Shame, I wished to string him on for a bit.

A case of caveat venditor rather than caveat emptor.
 
#8
Dear Whiskybreath,

As a sufferer of you condition ( abusive morning breath) I can deeply empathise with your current situation.

Can I recommend that you invest a proportion of your new found gains in my book?

You will find a world of charms in here, matching your joust with the online lottery company, with my attempt to have an Hotel return the sword that I so carelessly lost!

The book is vouched for By Mr J Seinfeld, and is available on Amazon here:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0091895367/?tag=armrumser-21

Please do not let the Title "Letters from a Nut" disuade you as they are all quite innocent!

I apologise to the innocent user , whose account I have hacked, for abusing his position to post this!

Yours Sincerely


Jed L. Nancy
 
#9
Mail merge - a much abused tool, and worthy of derisory sniggering whenever found. I once noticed that my son's school reports were wholly the result of it, and when I commented on the fact to the perpetrators (wife is a teacher so I met them socially) their embarrassment almost compensated for his dismal exam marks.

( [] is a [] pupil, who has done [] during this term. []'s exam results show [], which is []. [] )

However. Come on, someone please call this twat and tell him that you've got a reporter and photographer from the Sun coming round to Hogwood Lane to make the half-mil pressie a national story. They'll get their faces in the paper!
 
#10
It's a no brainer...if it's not kosher you've lost £900. If it is genuine and really there is no reason why it shouldn't be, then you are £499,100 up on the deal...

Go on! Fill your boots and man up!
 
#11
Today:

Dear Esteem Customer, "Biff McQuarie"

Greetings to you,from Fast Way Delivery Courier Courier Compony,
We acknowledged the receipt of your mail in this office and the content was well understood. Note: we want to assure you that as soon as you make the payment of your prefer shipment option this office we will quickly insure your parcel and release it for dispatch and send to you at your home residence.

Kindly be informed that allot of lottery winners have forfeited their won prize simply because they doubt the legitimacy of the lottery company and as a result they refuse to pay the necessary delivery charges. it must follow due process before delivery can commence.

go ahead and make payment and issue receipt of your payment information and we will quickly insure your parcel and release it for dispatch.You have been therefore advice to make available the delivery charges before the next lottery draw next week this month of july or the face the risk of loosing your winnings and the won prize will be used to settle the forth coming winners.

Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Abart Derrick.

FAST WAY COURIER COMPANY {F.W.C.C}.
Reply:

Dear mister Abart

my boss, who I trust very much has told me that i must make sure that this is genoiun and that if i dont i coul loose my mony . i've told himthat its microsoft and yahoo so how can it not be real!!!! but he says that it s standrd busness practise to get some kind of garantee before giving big sums of money so can you please do it. perhaops if you send a photo of your're office or something. or your office staff. Please do it quickly so i can send the money i want to do it now. Best regrads, Biff
I can see why people on 419shaggers.com etc get a taste for this...
 
#12
Whiskybreath said:
Today:

Dear Esteem Customer, "Biff McQuarie"

Greetings to you,from Fast Way Delivery Courier Courier Compony,
We acknowledged the receipt of your mail in this office and the content was well understood. Note: we want to assure you that as soon as you make the payment of your prefer shipment option this office we will quickly insure your parcel and release it for dispatch and send to you at your home residence.

Kindly be informed that allot of lottery winners have forfeited their won prize simply because they doubt the legitimacy of the lottery company and as a result they refuse to pay the necessary delivery charges. it must follow due process before delivery can commence.

go ahead and make payment and issue receipt of your payment information and we will quickly insure your parcel and release it for dispatch.You have been therefore advice to make available the delivery charges before the next lottery draw next week this month of july or the face the risk of loosing your winnings and the won prize will be used to settle the forth coming winners.

Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Abart Derrick.

FAST WAY COURIER COMPANY {F.W.C.C}.
Reply:

Dear mister Abart

my boss, who I trust very much has told me that i must make sure that this is genoiun and that if i dont i coul loose my mony . i've told himthat its microsoft and yahoo so how can it not be real!!!! but he says that it s standrd busness practise to get some kind of garantee before giving big sums of money so can you please do it. perhaops if you send a photo of your're office or something. or your office staff. Please do it quickly so i can send the money i want to do it now. Best regrads, Biff
I can see why people on 419shaggers.com etc get a taste for this...
Ask him to get his busty secretary to hold a daily paper showing the date and stand next to the money your going to receive so you know its genuine. Ask them to do it under the sign while he holds a big banner saying that you have won all the money :D
 
#14
.... and so:

Hallo Mr Abart
My boss, Mr Irons has told me to make sure that youre for real and to do it i ask if you can send a pictuer of you with the mony? HE SAYs if you have that and a picture of a paper with the date youl be real and then i can go on a real holiday, not just to Skeggy with my ol slag Tracey but you gto to do it real quick cos i want to send you the money no w.this is real exiting cos now i can go to Bangcock and get letherd. Biff!!!
 
#15
Whiskybreath said:
.... and so:

Hallo Mr Abart
My boss, Mr Irons has told me to make sure that youre for real and to do it i ask if you can send a pictuer of you with the mony? HE SAYs if you have that and a picture of a paper with the date youl be real and then i can go on a real holiday, not just to Skeggy with my ol slag Tracey but you gto to do it real quick cos i want to send you the money no w.this is real exiting cos now i can go to Bangcock and get letherd. Biff!!!
Whats wrong with Skegness you cheeky sod Ive spent many holiday on the golden sands :roll: Hope Tracy doesnt read the email :wink: Good hunting
 
#16
Doesn't beat Bangcock's golden sidewalks; Tracey learned her trade on them and it's now time for a trade-in - Biff's got a hard-on. He might have to tell Mr Abart all about it soon...
 
#17
I had thought othat over the weekend these pillocks had either grown wary of Biff, or had lost interest, but today this arrived:
Dear Esteem Customer, 'Biff McQuarie'

Greetings to you,from Fast Way Delivery Courier Courier Compony,
We acknowledged the receipt of your mail in this office and the content was well understood. Note: kindly be inform that we have attach the General Manager (Mr. Smith Hill) of this Company International Identity for you to view. upon the receipt of this mail you are advice to commence with the courier charges as soon as possible in other to insure your parcel and delivered it to your home of residence.

You are therefore advised to make the payment for your prefered shipment option with the below payment directives.

PAYMENT FOR THE DELIVERY DIRECTIVES
The Fast Way Delivery Courier Compony management recommends that Payment for the insurance and delivery charges should be made via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram International Transfer ,so as to speed up the delivery process. Do visit any Western Union or Money Gram outlet close to you and make payment for your shipment option to our chief account officer whose details are stated below.

Account Officer Name: Mr. Luise Morgan.
Company Address:Unit 6, Marino Way,Hogwood Lane, Industrial Estate Finchampstead,Berkshire RG40 4RF.
London United Kingdom.



Please fine out the International Identity attach to this message.

Your satisfaction is our priority and we look forward to providing you the best of our quality service.Do have a wonderful day in anticipation of your urgent responce.

Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Abart Derrick.

FAST WAY COURIER COMPANY {F.W.C.C}.
And here's the proof of their bone fidis, apparently taken from the Michigan State Lottery site. I wonder who Mr Smith Hill is?
 

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