Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by Whiskybreath, Jul 5, 2007.

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    Bored, I was, when an email dropped through the e-door to tell me that "CONGRATULATION'S YOUR EMAIL HAS EMERGED AS ONE OF THE LUCKY WINNER ."

    Never mind the grammar or spelling, this was my lucky day (some of us have spare time to fill in the evenings - definitely not during working hours, oh no). According to the body of the email,

    All I had to do to collect my winnings (consisting of a "certified parcel") was to specify how I wanted it delivered to me ("Biff":

    I can't lose! They're going to send a brown paper and string package ...
    ... stuffed with used tenners to the Biff postbox! However, I'm a suspicious type, so there was a bit of a kerfuffle with Mrs.Gloria Bent (Yahoo/Msn Lottery Games/Lottery Coordinator) and Mr. Luise Morgan (Account Officer), by a short series of emails including:


    They're very patient. Each time Biff receives a headed letter from the Fast Way Courier Company:

    ...and advice on how to proceed further. They're very hot on fake applications, too: I'd better keep quiet about all of this.

    I'm now waiting for "Mr. Abart Derrick, of the FAST WAY DELIVERY COURIER COMPANY {F.W.D.C.C}" to reply to my last, then obviously I'm going to fire off nine hundred naughty pounds to him.

    Or maybe not. What should come next?
  2. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    Nice one ... love your carp speeling ... must convince them they're on to a twaaat! ;-)

    I'd run down to the Post Office right now, draw out your pennies, send them by courier in a sack and then start planning your holiday home in the West Indies / Nigeria /Burkino Fasso :)
  3. i'd happily swap 900 quid for five hundred thousand great britain pound sterlings. go for it. if by chance you should choose not to claim, then wing me this 'PIN' thingy so i can 'double claim' first and take the prize of this wondrous and ever so blatantly genuine lottery.
  4. By the way, I really couldn't get through to the telephone number using SKYPE (it's some sort of forwarding service, which forwards the call to another number with a gentleman who owns a very odd accent at the end of it). I very quickly used my mobile this evening and gave "wrong number" when he picked up and he said "Yoaghh, yoagh?" in a sort of strangled Albanian accent (?).

    Please, to anyone in the UK who's on shift or something tonight (and thereafter), call him at 3 or 4 in the morning and claim a prize. I'm sure he'll love making you a happy half-millionaire.
  5. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    Oh, yeah. Like ... FO, pal!! And I expect you'll want a share for putting me on to this earner, then?

  6. Hey, It's an opportunity, and remember who gave it to you, ingrate!
  7. I placed my motorbike up for sale on the loot and was surprised at the speed of the response for a buyer: See the gentleman`s E mail from

    My response as follows:

    My suspicions were aroused by his slightly odd use of the English language indicating that perhaps it was not his first language and the fact that the thick sh*t has used a generic mail merge type letter and has failed to remove the parenthesis when inserting the item description.

    Unfortunately I have received no further reply from the gentleman* (insert ripping off scamming barsteward). Shame, I wished to string him on for a bit.

    A case of caveat venditor rather than caveat emptor.
  8. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    Dear Whiskybreath,

    As a sufferer of you condition ( abusive morning breath) I can deeply empathise with your current situation.

    Can I recommend that you invest a proportion of your new found gains in my book?

    You will find a world of charms in here, matching your joust with the online lottery company, with my attempt to have an Hotel return the sword that I so carelessly lost!

    The book is vouched for By Mr J Seinfeld, and is available on Amazon here:

    Please do not let the Title "Letters from a Nut" disuade you as they are all quite innocent!

    I apologise to the innocent user , whose account I have hacked, for abusing his position to post this!

    Yours Sincerely

    Jed L. Nancy
  9. Mail merge - a much abused tool, and worthy of derisory sniggering whenever found. I once noticed that my son's school reports were wholly the result of it, and when I commented on the fact to the perpetrators (wife is a teacher so I met them socially) their embarrassment almost compensated for his dismal exam marks.

    ( [] is a [] pupil, who has done [] during this term. []'s exam results show [], which is []. [] )

    However. Come on, someone please call this twat and tell him that you've got a reporter and photographer from the Sun coming round to Hogwood Lane to make the half-mil pressie a national story. They'll get their faces in the paper!
  10. It's a no brainer...if it's not kosher you've lost £900. If it is genuine and really there is no reason why it shouldn't be, then you are £499,100 up on the deal...

    Go on! Fill your boots and man up!
  11. Today:


    I can see why people on etc get a taste for this...
  12. Ask him to get his busty secretary to hold a daily paper showing the date and stand next to the money your going to receive so you know its genuine. Ask them to do it under the sign while he holds a big banner saying that you have won all the money :D
  13. .... and so:

  14. Whats wrong with Skegness you cheeky sod Ive spent many holiday on the golden sands :roll: Hope Tracy doesnt read the email :wink: Good hunting