"You Dirty fcuking Barstad"

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by error_unknown, Feb 23, 2004.

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    For some reason, this was a phrase that I found myself using time and again, throughout an exemplary career that saw me rise to the dizzy rank of Corporal.

    Does the army attract mingbags?

    One time in San Ignacio, myself and one of the Artillery lads, had trapped off with a couple of yank Peace Corps/CIA workers, whilst drinking a small amount of rum in the Blue Angel. For the first time in the entire tour I was going to get my end away, without having to pay 20 Belizean dollars to Mimi at the Farm.

    Mine was a bit weird looking, like a Mormons twentieth wife, but she had every intention of letting me have sex with her. As we continued to smooth our way in, one of the other Arty lads, a notorious dirty tw*t showed up and got us both blown out. We were just getting to the point where we were explaining that we "Weren't like the rest of those British soldiers, we can't stand 'em, their so rough and uncouth" when he bimbled up and blew twelve inch snot strands out of both nostrils, then gobbled them up like a lizard eating an egg.

    The yanks left their drinks glasses rattling on the bar as they legged it, leaving us to call our "mate", a 'DIRTY FCKING BARSTAD'

    Did anyone else ever come across this particular breed of Bill Oddie
  2. Yeah, me !! I went through a phase around 92-94 of peeing against the leg of anyone close enough in a crowded night club/bar !! Came very close to getting my lights punched out !!
  3. We had a bloke who could spew on demand, he took great delight in filling his gob full of carrot broth and gargling it, making sure he spilled enough down his chin to make everyone aware of what he was doing.

    Nothing nicer in the cook house than sitting opposite a bloke who could entertain himself with vomit.

    The final straw came when he forced thick creme of chicken spew through his teeth and wanted a cuddle
  4. Knew a Gunner who could spew on demand - down town one night couple of boxheads got stroppy with him for some reason or another. While they were gobbing off to him he calmly drank his beer and then regurgitated it into the glass along with all the lumpy bits from his Pizza lunch - boxheads nearly spewed themselves and shut the fcuk up

    Dirtiest bastard was a Reccy Mech who I saw eating some one else’s spew from a pisser - I declined his offer to try some

    Dirtiest Fcuker I ever knew was a blerk who'd fill a Pint glass wi' píss then invite the enire Bar to fill it even more with anything from toe nails and pubes to poo pebbles and population paste...then he'd down the lot!


    ...you know who you are!!! :wink:
  6. There was one grotty fcuker in our room in Holdfast. He was a regular swamper, but never bothered to change his sheets, and just lay a towel on top of the wazz until it sort of dried out. It was awful, his bedspace had a permanent rainbow. My radio used to click like a Geiger counter whenever he walked past.

    To teach him a lesson we decided to outgross him. After a big p*ss-up in the room we got hold of his bedding and strung it, waist height between a couple of beds, forming a rudimentary hammock. Whenever anyone needed a sh*t, they went to the toilet as normal. Instead of wiping their arrse, they came back and cocked a leg over the sheets. A simple bandy-legged walk from one end to the other resulted in a lemon fresh gusset. This went on for the duration of the evening. We put the bedding back on his scratcher, hospital corners the lot. When we pulled it tight, it looked hideous, the Belizean diet of toasties and Schlitz wreaking havoc and making the sheet look like the Turin Shroud.

    He got back from down town that night and got straight in there. Within seconds he was snoring away, with his head buried in other mens sh*t.

    At the next sheet-ex, it took them three days and a jerrycan of benz to burn his counterpane.
  7. once when on the piss in the Bygg Market Newcastle with some of my battalions geordie brethren, after about 2 hours i saw one of my mates start talking to a lad in a wheelchair who it turned out he had been at school with, and had later became paralysed in a car crash.
    As the night dragged on and more and more stella consumed, a grot contest started to develop, people gobbing in each others beer and drinking it , licking ash trays etc.
    not to be topped one of our crowd was then seen to be passed a pink bag the size of a large crisp packet and to much applause neck its contents, on questioning i was told that the bag was the lad in the wheelchairs colostomy/ ileostomy bag!
  8. I remember with 'fondness' the old chewy cord. :D

    Remove drawstring from combat jacket and proceed to wipe arse, piss on, wan k on etc. Then 'chew' from one end to the other in the quickest time.

    God we were heathens then!! :p
  9. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    6 Years ago called. They want their thread back.
  10. computer failier or to much beer today hence double posting
  11. While chatting, naked to a lovely whore in a well known Hamburg sauna club my friend rolled up and sat down next to the lovely and promptly farted and followed through all over the pristine white towells the dirty barsteward
  12. Ever seen anyone drink a smegma and schnapps shot? You really don't want to...
  13. UUUUUUUEEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH sound of me throwing up good beer, you dirty BARSTEWARD
  14. That wouldn't be the one at the top of the Reeperbahn would it?

  15. Never been Engineered then?....