You couldnt make it up

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by chasndave, Aug 29, 2008.

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  1. I was sent this today by a mate; straight from their website; it would be bloody funny if it wasn't for the fact that the deluded c**ts actually believe this sh1te!!!!!!


    http://www.labour.org.uk/top_50_achievements


    Our top 50 achievements since being elected in 1997

    1. Longest period of sustained low inflation since the 60s.
    2. Low mortgage rates.
    3. Introduced the National Minimum Wage and raised it to £5.52.
    4. Over 14,000 more police in England and Wales.
    5. Cut overall crime by 32 per cent.
    6. Record levels of literacy and numeracy in schools.
    7. Young people achieving some of the best ever results at 14, 16, and 18.
    8. Funding for every pupil in England has doubled.
    9. Employment is at its highest level ever.
    10. Written off up to 100 per cent of debt owed by poorest countries.
    11. 85,000 more nurses.
    12. 32,000 more doctors.
    13. Brought back matrons to hospital wards.
    14. Devolved power to the Scottish Parliament.
    15. Devolved power to the Welsh Assembly.
    16. Dads now get paternity leave of 2 weeks for the first time.
    17. NHS Direct offering free convenient patient advice.
    18. Gift aid was worth £828 million to charities last year.
    19. Restored city-wide government to London.
    20. Record number of students in higher education.
    21. Child benefit up 26 per cent since 1997.
    22. Delivered 2,200 Sure Start Children’s Centres.
    23. Introduced the Equality and Human Rights Commission.
    24. £200 winter fuel payment to pensioners & up to £300 for over-80s.
    25. On course to exceed our Kyoto target for reducing greenhouse gas missions.
    26. Restored devolved government to Northern Ireland.
    27. Over 36,000 more teachers in England and 274,000 more support staff and teaching assistants.
    28. All full time workers now have a right to 24 days paid holiday.
    29. A million pensioners lifted out of poverty.
    30. 600,000 children lifted out of relative poverty.
    31. Introduced child tax credit giving more money to parents.
    32. Scrapped Section 28 and introduced Civil Partnerships.
    33. Brought over 1 million social homes up to standard.
    34. Inpatient waiting lists down by over half a million since 1997.
    35. Banned fox hunting.
    36. Cleanest rivers, beaches, drinking water and air since before the industrial revolution.
    37. Free TV licences for over-75s.
    38. Banned fur farming and the testing of cosmetics on animals.
    39. Free breast cancer screening for all women aged between 50-70.
    40. Free off peak local bus travel for over-60s.
    41. New Deal - helped over 1.8 million people into work.
    42. Over 3 million child trust funds have been started.
    43. Free eye test for over 60s.
    44. More than doubled the number of apprenticeships.
    45. Free entry to national museums and galleries.
    46. Overseas aid budget more than doubled.
    47. Heart disease deaths down by 150,000 and cancer deaths down by 50,000.
    48. Cut long-term youth unemployment by 75 per cent.
    49. Free nursery places for every three and four-year-olds.
    50. Free fruit for most four to six-year-olds at school.
     
  2. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    51. I have a 14 inch dick.
    52. The cheque's in the post.

    etc. etc.
     
  3. That one has a particularly sly feel to it: how many countries? Define 'poorest'? What does 'up to' mean? (for example, in 1 case out of 400??) And are you simply acknowledging that expecting, say, Darfur to give us back the ££££££s Claire Short gave them to do as they wished with is simply pie in the sky?
     
  4. In an attempt to address some of these points:

    1. Longest period of sustained low inflation since the 60s. The price of fuel, food, electricity and gas have all risen sharply. The UK's economy is no longer growing.
    2. Low mortgage rates. The average house's value has fallen 10.5% in the last year. Gross mortgage lending rates have fallen 32%.
    3. Introduced the National Minimum Wage and raised it to £5.52.
    4. Over 14,000 more police in England and Wales. Government targets, a sharp increase in the amount of paperwork and an unnecessary focus on Health and Safety and 'diversity' initiatives have decreased the effectiveness of the Police Service. It is widely distrusted by the general public.
    5. Cut overall crime by 32 per cent. The Government's capability to gather reliable and unbiased statistics has been widely questioned
    6. Record levels of literacy and numeracy in schools. It is commonly regarded that GCSEs, AS and A Level exams have become easier under the incumbent Government.
    7. Young people achieving some of the best ever results at 14, 16, and 18. See above.
    8. Funding for every pupil in England has doubled. See No.5
    9. Employment is at its highest level ever. More than 2.6 million people are on incapacity benefit in this country. None of them are counted by the Government as 'unemployed'.
    10. Written off up to 100 per cent of debt owed by poorest countries. Writing off the debts owed to Britain by poor countries means this shortfall in revenue will have to be made up in the future from other sources, most likely from the tax payer.
    11. 85,000 more nurses. The moral amongst nurses is widely considered to be low and their sign off rate is likely to be very high.
    12. 32,000 more doctors. Doctor's salaries have risen sharply since the Labour Party have been in power. 46% of GPs earn more than £100,000, further diminishing the amount of money the NHS has to spend on treating it's patients.
    13. Brought back matrons to hospital wards. Modern Matrons have far less power and control in today's hospitals than their predecessors.
    14. Devolved power to the Scottish Parliament. The Scottish Parliament adds yet another layer of bureaucractic red tape to the processes of allocating project funds and making political decisions. It costs hundreds of millions of pounds a year to maintain.
    15. Devolved power to the Welsh Assembly. See above.
    16. Dads now get paternity leave of 2 weeks for the first time.
    17. NHS Direct offering free convenient patient advice. One of the reason the NHS Direct helpline and website were set up in the first place was in response to the amount of people unable to make an appointment with their overworked doctor.
    18. Gift aid was worth £828 million to charities last year.
    19. Restored city-wide government to London. The Mayor of London's powers are relatively limited by political standards. The first Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone successfully ran as an independent candidate in the inaugural 2000 election aften failing in his attempt to be nomintated as the Labour Party candidate. The then Prime Minister, Tony Blair said Livingstone would be a 'disaster' for London. Livingstone later rejoined the Labour party in 2004.
    20. Record number of students in higher education. The Labour Government introduced 'top-up fees' for students enrolling on decree courses in 2006. This means that universities can charge up to £3,000 for the privilege of running a degree course . Only English students pay this top rate, Welsh and Scottish students are excempt providing they study at institutions in their home country. Degree courses are widely considered to have become easier under the current Government.
    21. Child benefit up 26 per cent since 1997. In November, 2007 the Government lost the personal data it keeps on all recipients of child benefit, some 25 million people in all. This is not the first time the Government has lost people's personal data. It has also lost the data it kept on 84,000 prisoners and 3 million learner drivers, whilst the Ministry of Defence recently admitted that 658 of the department's laptop computers have been stolen in the past four years.
    22. Delivered 2,200 Sure Start Children’s Centres.
    23. Introduced the Equality and Human Rights Commission. The Equality and Human Rights Commission is regarded by many as a waste of money, time and effort as they reason that current international, UK and EU law provides more than enough human rights protection for British individuals.
    24. £200 winter fuel payment to pensioners & up to £300 for over-80s. This benefit can be considered worthless when the increases in the rate of tax this Government has set are taken into account. Taxes have risen two-and-a-half times faster than earnings since 1997. The amount raised by income tax went up by 80 per cent, council tax payments rose by 100 per cent, and inheritance tax demands went up 137 per cent (Cheers Murph :wink:).
    25. On course to exceed our Kyoto target for reducing greenhouse gas emissions. Every 7-10 days, China opens a new coal-firing power plant. According to the Netherlands Environmental Assessment Agency, in 2006 China produced 6,200 million tonnes of CO2 in 2006 while in the United Kingdom we produced 600 million tonnes. If Britain ceased all of it's greenhouse gas emissions China would have made up for this within a matter if weeks, rendering Britiain's Kyoto achievements pointless.
    26. Restored devolved government to Northern Ireland. The restoration of devolved government to Northern Ireland was accomplished by entering into a dialogue with known terrorists groups. The result of this process is that former members of these groups now enjoy weilding political power in Northern Ireland. This is fully supported by the British Government. Many people would consider this too high a price for peace. Many also see 'peace' in Northern Ireland as a legacy of the previous Conservative Government.
    27. Over 36,000 more teachers in England and 274,000 more support staff and teaching assistants. There is still a major shortage of qualified teachers in British schools, most notably in academic subjects such as mathematics and physics. As of June 2008 almost one in four secondary schools in England no longer have any specialist physics teachers.
    28. All full time workers now have a right to 24 days paid holiday.
    29. A million pensioners lifted out of poverty. See No.5
    30. 600,000 children lifted out of relative poverty. See No.5
    31. Introduced child tax credit giving more money to parents.
    32. Scrapped Section 28 and introduced Civil Partnerships.
    33. Brought over 1 million social homes up to standard. The Government's achievement in regards to it's improvement in the standards of council home is negated when the overall shortage of houses in Britain is considered. It's own target of 185,000 new homes per annum for England will be missed for several years, with completions falling to 141,000 in 2008, 134,000 in 2009 and 139,000 in 2010.
    34. Inpatient waiting lists down by over half a million since 1997. See No.5
    35. Banned fox hunting. Taking into account this example of the current Labour Government's fondness for curtailing the civil liberties of the population the ban on fox hunting is also notable for it's flagrant disregard for Parliamentary Democracy in it's use of the Parliamentary Act to get this passed into law. The Parliament Act, in effect, ignores the recommendations the House of Lords makes and has been used seven times since it's creation in 1911. The current Government has used this Act three of those seven times.
    36. Cleanest rivers, beaches, drinking water and air since before the industrial revolution. The majority of the work involved achieving this goal was probably carried out by voluntary organisations. They have little involvment with the Government.
    37. Free TV licences for over-75s. This is, in effect, the Government taxing pensioners slightly less than normal.
    38. Banned fur farming and the testing of cosmetics on animals.
    39. Free breast cancer screening for all women aged between 50-70. The Government's boast that a part of the healthcare it provides is 'free' is disingenuous. All healthcare in this country should be free by law as that is what the National Health Service was set up for in the first place.
    40. Free off peak local bus travel for over-60s.
    41. New Deal - helped over 1.8 million people into work. See No.9
    42. Over 3 million child trust funds have been started.
    43. Free eye test for over 60s.
    44. More than doubled the number of apprenticeships. The influx of migrant workers into this country is a direct result of the Government's failure to attract people into work.
    45. Free entry to national museums and galleries.
    46. Overseas aid budget more than doubled. The Government would be regarded more favourably by many more people in this country if it tended to their needs first by not lining the pockets of African dictators.
    47. Heart disease deaths down by 150,000 and cancer deaths down by 50,000. Whilst the Government should be applauded for their work in cutting the rate of deaths caused by cancer and heart disease it's achievements probably look remarkably hollow to the families of the 1,600 people killed last year by the MRSA superbug. The Government's privatisation of hospital cleaners is seen by many as the root cause in this explosion in MRSA cases.
    48. Cut long-term youth unemployment by 75 per cent. See No.5
    49. Free nursery places for every three and four-year-olds.
    50. Free fruit for most four to six-year-olds at school.

    Conclusion: Labour is a pile of old wank.

    Fuck, my arms hurt!
     
  5. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator


    53. No I won't come in your mouth.
     
  6. Bloody hell.

    Bloody, bloody hell.
     
  7. Extracted from a book called Squandered by David Craig

    If you can't be bothered to read all of it just look at the military section.


    How state spending has squandered billions
    According to the Governor of the Bank of England, the 'nice decade' is at an end. When things were good, the British economy grew steadily, unemployment and inflation were low, and money rolled into the Government's coffers.


    But did we make the most of this golden moment in our economic history? The answer, according to a searing analysis in a book by David Craig, a management consultant, is most emphatically not.


    In Squandered, he notes that over the past ten years, our taxes have risen two-and-a-half times faster than our earnings. Since 1997, the amount raised by income tax went up 80 per cent, council tax payments rose by 100 per cent, and inheritance tax demands were up 137 per cent.


    All this cash allowed Labour to go on an unprecedented spending spree. Between 1997 and 2007, Gordon Brown spent an extra £1trillion of our money on schools, hospitals, pensions, the police and social services.


    And according to Craig, we have precious little to show for it. Below, we consider each area of Government spending and see how much was spent and what we got in return.


    But first it's worth looking at what happened to the public sector overall under Labour. Answer - it grew rich, fat and extremely unproductive.


    There are six million people working for the state in Britain (and 23 million in the private sector) - 600,000 more, at a very conservative estimate, than there were in 1997.


    Most state sector employees have a cushy life: 99 per cent of them have final salary pension schemes, compared to just 18 per cent - and falling fast - in the private sector.


    The cost of this public pensions bonanza is enormous. In 2001, employers' contributions to the Local Government Pension Scheme in England were £2.6 billion. By 2005, this had risen to £4.1 billion. The total public sector pensions liability - to be paid for by future generations of taxpayers - is now £877 billion, up from £360billion in 1997.


    Early retirement is another nice bonus of working for the state. Police and fire-fighters can retire at 50 with a pension of two-thirds their final salary.


    Nor is the pensions liability the only commitment New Labour has signed future taxpayers up to pay. Under the Private Finance Initiative, ministers spend the money now - on hospitals and schools - but taxpayers will have to pay up later. On deals already signed, we as a country are committed to paying out £180 billion over the next five years on PFI.


    The NHS alone is committed to £50billion in PFI projects, set to rise to £90 billion by 2013 as new deals are signed.


    What is especially infuriating is that this vast structure of spending is presided over by an increasingly expensive panoply of politicians. The new Scottish Parliament costs £79 million a year, or £600,000 for each MSP. They are housed in a new building which cost £414 million, compared with an initial estimate of £10 million.

    Sixty members of the Welsh Assembly cost £600,000 a year each, but their building cost only £67 million, a mere five times the original budget. As for Westminster, its cost in salaries and expenses alone has risen by £155million a year, up 64 per cent since 1997. The total annual administrative cost of the Mother of Parliaments is now £366million.


    MEPs are doing even better; they can individually pocket £1.5 million in salary and expenses over a five-year stay in Brussels. Even the Mayor of London is costing Britain a fortune; more than 112 employees of Transport for London have salaries in excess of £100,000 a year.


    Then there are the thousands of quangos - non-elected public bodies - some new, some inherited from the Tories, whose spending is soaring. In 2006, the last year in which the Government published figures, they spent £124billion of our money.


    It's enough to make you see red - which is the state the British economy will be in within a few years. David Craig wanted to encourage the 'political/bureaucratic establishment to put the well-being of ordinary people over its own narrow, self-serving interests'. He doesn't hold out much hope of this happening, but what is crystal-clear from his book is that if we don't make a change, and soon, we won't survive the leaner economic times headed our way.


    NHS


    Spending on the NHS is £95billion a year, an increase in real terms of 87 per cent since 1997. Labour has spent £269 billion more on health than if they had kept funding at 1997 levels.


    Poor survival rates


    Cancer survival rates are 20 per cent higher in France, Germany, Spain and Italy than in the UK. Death rates from strokes are 30 per cent higher here than in other European countries. This means that at least 30,000 of the 200,000 people who die each year from cancer and strokes would survive elsewhere in Europe.


    Dirty hospitals


    We have 300,000 cases of hospitalacquired infections each year, 50 times more than some other European countries. Cases of MRSA almost doubled between 1997 and 2004.


    Quango explosion


    Since 1997, New Labour has set up the Health Protection Agency (which oversees public health matters including the threat of bio-terrorism - at a cost of £252 million a year, staff of 3,042), the Healthcare Commission (an independent assessor of NHS standards which costs £80 million a year, staff of more than 500).


    More from Edward Heathcoat Amory...Folly that could wreck Nato 06/06/08Do these BBC trustees deserve our trust? 29/05/08At last, is it now respectable to argue that lower taxes are both economically and morally a good thing? 27/05/08How ripe! Labour's rich friends want US to pay higher taxes which THEY then do their best to avoid 02/04/08Wind farms: Blowing money on a fantasy 05/02/08State spying that would make the Stasi proud 29/01/08Revealed: The elitist, incestuous Labour clique that now rules us 25/01/08A kick in the teeth: How Labour destroyed NHS dentistry 16/01/08VIEW FULL ARCHIVE
    Monitor (which regulated Foundation Trusts at a cost of £13 million a year), the Nursing and Midwifery Council (which regulates nurses at a cost of £23million a year, staff of 242), the NHS Confederation (a body which aims to influence health policy at a cost of £26 million a year), and the National Patient Safety Agency (which monitors patient safety in the NHS at a cost of £30million a year, staff of 309).


    More bureaucrats


    NHS staff numbers have risen by 20 per cent since 1997, but the number of pen-pushers has doubled. Meanwhile, the number of beds has fallen, so in ten years the NHS has gone from having 12 beds per manager to five beds per manager. We now have half the number of hospital beds per 100,000 people than France or Germany, with the result that they are often full, leading to much higher MRSA levels.


    Drug rationing

    About 50 people a day lose their sight to age-related macular degeneration because the NHS refuses to fund the drugs required to treat them. In 2007, 100,000 sufferers from Alzheimer's found that the NHS would not pay £2.50 a day for the drugs to keep their disease at bay.

    Contract madness


    NHS managers and ministers negotiated a pay deal with GPs which gave them a 63 per cent salary increase, while allowing many of them to stop working outside limited surgery hours.


    THE MILITARY


    Spending on defence is £34 billion a year, and it has risen only slightly above the rate of inflation since 1997. Defence is the only major area of Government spending that has fallen as a percentage of our GDP, despite the major wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.


    Shrinking forces


    Since 1997, the number of tanks has fallen from 415 to 280, the number of major ships from 38 to 22, and the number of combat aircraft from 264 to 156. The number of Armed Forces personnel has fallen by 8 per cent under Labour from 221,200 to 195,730.


    Inadequate equipment


    Soldiers die because of insufficient supplies of body armour. The tragic loss of a Hercules transport plane that came down in Iraq, with the loss of ten lives, could almost certainly have been avoided had it been fitted with anti- explosive foam, standard in all American Hercules aircraft.


    More bureaucracy


    Since 1997, the Ministry of Defence has spent £2.3 billion on management consultants, sufficient to pay and equip 5,000 extra infantry soldiers.


    Meanwhile, the MoD has signed a £2.3billion contract - to build and run its new headquarters in Whitehall.


    HOME OFFICE

    Spending by the Home Office rose from £7 billion in 1997 to £14billion ten years later.

    Prison failure


    The number of people in prison has risen dramatically, from 65,000 to 88,583 since 1997. The cost of this increase is £800 million a year.

    We have more prisoners per head of population than any other major European country.

    Asylum lunacy


    Between 1997 and 2006, there were 517,000 applications for asylum in Britain. Of these, 410,000 were rejected, but 306,000 of them ignored the failure of their application and remained in Britain.

    Asylum applications have fallen off, partly because more immigrants can arrive legally. When they relaxed the rules in 2004, the Home Office estimated that 15,000 Eastern Europeans a year would come to Britain;1.1 million have arrived so far.

    WELFARE

    Total welfare spending will be £156 billion this year, up from £90billion in 1997. Since then, the Government has handed out an extra £343 billion in welfare as a result of policy changes.


    Bureaucracy gone mad

    The Department for Work and Pensions has about 130,000 staff, and spends £7.73 billion a year on administering all these handouts. Another 8,000 staff work for the taxman calculating tax credits, at a cost of another £500 million a year. Even so, over the first two years of the tax credit system, £2 billion was overpaid.


    Ever more complex


    There are now 24 files of guidance just on the Jobseeker's Allowance and another 14 volumes on income support. One project to get benefits for 87 users of community mental health services required the filling out of 169 forms, the writing of 788 letters, attendance at 436 interviews and the making of 900 telephone calls.


    Poor take-up


    All this complexity means that those who deserve help aren't able to claim it. In 2007, £9.4 billion of means-tested benefits were not being claimed by those entitled to them. There were also £4.5billion in unclaimed tax credits. As for the Pensions Credit, only 27 per cent of those pensioners calculated to be living in poverty actually manage to claim it.


    Life on welfare

    In 2007, 13 per cent of the British population lived in households where no one worked (compared to 11 per cent in France and 5 per cent in the U.S.). The National Audit Office has estimated that this group costs Britain £40 billion a year, including benefits and other forms of support.


    EDUCATION

    Spending on education and training has nearly doubled to £73billion under Labour, rising from 4.6 per cent of our Gross Domestic Product in 1997 to 5.7 per cent. The amount spent per pupil has almost doubled in real terms.


    Failing schools


    At the age of 16, 20 per cent of boys have a reading age of seven. At the same age, 63 per cent of working-class boys cannot read or write properly. And according to the Office for National Statistics, even those exams that children do pass are becoming easier. Between 1988 and 2006 there was 'grade inflation' of two grades in every subject except for maths, where the same performance was worth three extra grades.


    Initiative overload


    Since 1997, the Government has introduced Early Learning Partnerships, Parent Support Advisers, Excellence Hubs, Pathfinder Partnerships, Activity Agreements, the Early Adopter Programme, Youth Matters, National Skills Academies, the Trust Schools Toolkit, the Numeracy Task Force, the Diploma Gateway, and many, many more schemes that have come and gone.


    LAW & DISORDER


    Spending on the police is up 40 per cent to £12 billion a year.


    Since Labour came to power they have spent £20 billion more on policing than if they had kept funding at the level they inherited.


    Not enough police


    The number of police staff is up 47,000 - but only 14,000 of them are police officers. Consequently, the number of police officers is up 11 per cent, while the number of administrators is up 62 per cent. There are 16,000 community support officers who are paid nearly as much as a policeman, but can't arrest anyone. In the past ten years, 700 police stations have closed.


    Crime up

    Violent crimes have doubled over the past ten years. But the chance of a criminal being convicted is less than 3 per cent.


    Burgeoning bureaucracy


    There are ten different types of intervention available to the courts and police for dealing with antisocial behaviour, including Acceptable Behaviour Contracts, Anti-Social Behaviour Orders and Crack House Closure Orders.
     
  8. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    I'll read that in the morning instead of the Torygraph.

    I have always been political, but I've never HATED quite as much as I do these days. What a disgusting apology for a Government. I can't express my outrage enough ... I just fled the country of my birth instead. :roll:
     
  9. For a pop singer he knows a lot of statistics :p
     
  10. That could have been written by me. Except I'm in the process of plotting my escape rather than already gone.
     
  11. That is not just inefficiency, IMO that is criminal negligence. An utter disgrace.
     
  12.  
  13. I dodge as much tax as possible and don't feel the slightest pang of guilt about it. Country has been spunked down the drain
     
  14. Ditto although i cannot flee :x

    edited to add cos its the NAAFI Cnuts the lot of them they have spunked this country into a fast approaching third world sink CNUTS
     
  15.