You are the ref!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, Apr 14, 2010.

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  1. You arrive at your German hotel in the evening and as you enter your room you see your neighbours - man, woman and four year old girl. you smile affably - scaring woman and child if you're me - but get surly response from family.

    Later that evening you hear the child crying. Then raised male voice and big slap. End of crying.

    You rise early to find Herman the German having up and downer with black chambermaid. He storms off muttering schwarzer this and schwarzer that under his breath. Obviously in dispute with perfectly charming black chambermaid - male chambermaid that is.

    Later this same day you return to your room and notice black man furtively putting something back on bathroom shelf before fleeing down corridor in a "what me guv? no guv!" furtive styley.

    I deduce that Hermann's colgate tomorrow is going to have something of the chamber-boy's ring about it. Here's the thing, he's obviously a cnut. Should I warn him? Or suggest he brushes his teeth immediately?
  2. What was he doing in your room?!
  3. Bump into him and say "sorry" as he replies hold your nose and tell him "your breath breath smells worse then my dogs" he should then hopefully go and brush his teeth
  4. Look I dont want to appear judgemental or critical in any way, but wtf was a German family doing in your room?
  5. Hey, if you can afford one I suggest you buy one...

    The two rooms, Hermann's and mine are off a corridor and adjacent. Accessing mine, I cannot but help but see into the lobby/bathroom door area where the presumed toothbrush in the crack was going down. Or rather up...
  6. I did mention he was German didn't I?
  7. his daughter is going to use that- is that fair??
  8. you did and if the boxhead doesn't understand tough :D
  9. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Who's to say he didn't leave a 'treat' on daddy's toothbrush, rather than paste in the paste?

    I say, keep quiet, but listen to for the howls of outrage and threats to invade. When it happens, give efnic a pat on the back and say 'well done old bean'.
  10. He'll understand but I would imagine he'll merely smile a Germanic and knowing smile before shoving some knoblauch crusted pork products into his sullen Schwabian gob...
  11. Having a rant at the service staff is not only rude, but also creates a scene, both of which are completely non-British.

    Given that it was a bosch who perpetrated this rudeness, he is your sworn enemy anyway, and you must ally yourself immediately with the black chambermaid. You must then up the ante against the bosche, proving to said black chambermaid why it was the British ruled half of the world, including swathes of Africa where he is doubtless from.
  12. You haven't got one? Splendid pets they make although it's a good idea to have a cellar if they've got daughters.
  13. You smiled at them? Germans? You should be shot as a traitor. We'll be hearing you on the wireless next: "Garmony Calling, Garmony Calling!"
  14. But is it a ring of confidence?

  15. Surely his breath wasnt so good you had to name it twice?