You are the prime minister

#1
In the LRB You are the prime minister
A general paper from the 2011 Eton scholarship exam has been exhumed and is doing the rounds. The first question required candidates to read a passage from The Prince (‘it is much safer to be feared than loved’ etc) and then (a) summarise the argument in no more than 50 words (5 marks); (b) in their own words say what they find ‘unappealing’ about the argument (5 marks); and (c), for 15 marks:
The year is 2040. There have been riots in the streets of London after Britain has run out of petrol because of an oil crisis in the Middle East. Protesters have attacked public buildings. Several policemen have died. Consequently, the Government has deployed the Army to curb the protests. After two days the protests have been stopped but twenty-five protesters have been killed by the Army. You are the Prime Minister. Write the script for a speech to be broadcast to the nation in which you explain why employing the Army against violent protesters was the only option available to you and one which was both necessary and moral.
...
 
#2
"They were gobby cnuts and the rest of you can **** off an' all, if you know what's good for you!"
 
#3
I would be apologising profusely that the army had only got a few of the bastards because they didn't have that rifle and due to the SDR of 2033 only one of the two remaining battalions could deploy.
 
#4
"They were gobby cnuts and the rest of you can **** off an' all, if you know what's good for you!"
"....and that if the persons so unlawfully, riotously and tumultuously assembled, or any of them, shall happen to be killed, maimed or hurt, in the dispersing, seizing or apprehending, or endeavouring to disperse, seize or apprehend them, that then every such justice of the peace, sheriff, under-sheriff, mayor, bailiff, head-officer, high or petty constable, or other peace-officer, and all and singular persons, being aiding and assisting to them, or any of them, shall be free, discharged and indemnified, as well against the King's Majesty, his heirs and successors, as against all and every other person or persons so unlawfully, riotously and tumultuously assembled, that shall happen to be so killed, maimed or hurt, as aforesaid."

Job done.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#5
You had the warning, you didn't listen so therefore you reap what you sow!
 
#6
"Look. Sorry about the protesters but they really were a shower of cnuts and they would NOT stop ******* chanting. It had to be done. Could barely hear myself think for God's sake".
 
#7
"....and that if the persons so unlawfully, riotously and tumultuously assembled, or any of them, shall happen to be killed, maimed or hurt, in the dispersing, seizing or apprehending, or endeavouring to disperse, seize or apprehend them, that then every such justice of the peace, sheriff, under-sheriff, mayor, bailiff, head-officer, high or petty constable, or other peace-officer, and all and singular persons, being aiding and assisting to them, or any of them, shall be free, discharged and indemnified, as well against the King's Majesty, his heirs and successors, as against all and every other person or persons so unlawfully, riotously and tumultuously assembled, that shall happen to be so killed, maimed or hurt, as aforesaid."

Job done.
The good old Riot Act, shame it was repealed.
 
#8
I would be apologising profusely that the army had only got a few of the bastards because they didn't have that rifle and due to the SDR of 2033 only one of the two remaining battalions could deploy.
They only got 13 the last time they used THAT rifle on a crowd. Or is THAT rifle not the one you were referring to?
 
#9
They only got 13 the last time they used THAT rifle on a crowd. Or is THAT rifle not the one you were referring to?
Yeah, but that was before they made ready. The rest of the time they used blanks.
 
#10
"Next time, it's napalm. Be warned."
 
#14
My first though was “are we going to have an Army in 2040?” In addition to all the defence cuts, there is always the threat of a Euro Army that does not answer to the British government, assuming we still have one.

On the plus side the HAC will probably still be around, funded by the City, and they acquitted themselves well in the Gordon Riots of 1780. So that leads to my statement:

“I humbly apologise that we only managed to kill 25 of the scum, when we managed ten times that number in 1780.”
 
#16
"It is you that have forced me to this. I have sought the Lord night and day, that He would rather slay me than put upon me the doing of this work."
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#17
My first though was “are we going to have an Army in 2040?” In addition to all the defence cuts, there is always the threat of a Euro Army
Hi. I am the Prime Minister. Have you come far?

Security. Can you deal with this? Thanks.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
Next time its the paras
Fascinating. No, really. That is fascinating.

Moving on. I really am The Prime Minister. I know in the past I have pretended to be Good CO, Bad CO and that dribbling sheeps **** who nic-switches to beat the band but this time it is for real.

I am. David Cameron. Your Prime Minister.

I will now take questions from the audience.
 

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