Yippie!!!!!!!!

#1
Hello chaps!

The tart that took me to the hotel is coming round later, we both agreed not to oblige ourselves for an entire week so the happy moment might be more intense when it eventually arrives. (Although I pathetically submitted to an overwhelming urge after only 3 days :x ). I have to tidy my flat as I’ve trashed the place, but I’m in trepidation for what the evening might bring! An entire weekend is quite a while for me to be with a strumpet & I rather fancy that I might eventually tire of non-stop bonking, how else might I entertain her :?

I have the following to hand:


An entire weekend

24 Durex condoms, I plucked up the courage to actually buy these in a shop & it was buy 1 get 1 free so twice the embarrassment.

A bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil

A bunch of bananas

Hotel Rwanda on DVD (she’s studying it for some law course at uni)

1 box of strawberry tea

Half eaten packet of Bourbon Creams chocolate biscuits

A new pair of brown loakes

2nr 5x5 dumbbell weights

1 book ‘Quantum Mechanics, A Guide for the perplexed’

2 microwave lasagnes

Oh & a bottle of Blossom Hill Californian White Zinfandel Rose!


I submit my list of matériel to you sirs, in the belief that your superior knowledge of entertaining young ladies might prove invaluable for my current predicament.

I have the honour to remain, &c.

~D.C.
 
#2
I'd add: Meta-amphetamine; Rohypnol, or in case the latter won't work: some ketamine.

Have fun!
 
#3
Also the use of the Mess Webley so that you don't inflict your puss addled carcass on this poor young girl
 
#4
Essentials

1. Claw hammer

2. Rohypnol (even if she's willing)

3. whale song CD

4. A picture of Dot Cotton/cherry Bliar or any other munter to stick on her face.

5. watership down dvd
 
#5
Hi Dashing,Where have you been? I have been eagerly awaiting the next thrilling instalment of your sexual conquest diary.Let's have more details and piccies this time please.
 

Bowmore_Assassin

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#6
D_C, an interesting array of items which have potential. You may, I fear, require sustenance from outside your habitat as you are a bit lacking on the decent food front and likewise plonk if a decent quantity and variant. Of course if she is a porker and you are doing this as a dare, then your lack of guzzle fuel will be doing herea a favour ! Indulge me whilst I pick through your offerings (my bold):

24 Durex condoms, I plucked up the courage to actually buy these in a shop & it was buy 1 get 1 free so twice the embarrassment. Clearly a first order requiremnt - nothing further may be said except use as many of them as possible (one at a time :D) over the w/e. One packet for normal rutting, the other for explorative and deviant an*l ramming.

A bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Nice. Olive oil is excellent for massge. Make her use on you. Often.

A bunch of bananas. DP obviously. Or even airtight - use ones imagination. :twisted:

Hotel Rwanda on DVD (she’s studying it for some law course at uni). Last resort - she might be studying it but it's not deviant porn and it's not a chick flick or a decent action movie liked by the ladies (such as Quantum of Solice etc). Perhaps Sunday afternoon when one's kn*b is tired after a marathon ramming session such as the one you about to undertake.

1 box of strawberry tea. Pish, put it in the bin (but ask her if she wants one first, it might impress her, I cannot explain why).\

Half eaten packet of Bourbon Creams chocolate biscuits. Breakfast ! I assume you have tea in your abode. A fine breakfast of champions - tea and biscuits.

A new pair of brown loakes. ?

2nr 5x5 dumbbell weights. Unless you intend to smash her head in with them or are going to practise 'Slave Gym Training' I suggest these have no part in your, "boning her large-style" session.

1 book ‘Quantum Mechanics, A Guide for the perplexed.’ Read if she is a rubbish f*ck, does not swallow or do an*l.

2 microwave lasagnes. Short term sustenance food. Takeaway delivered will solve this problem.

Oh & a bottle of Blossom Hill Californian White Zinfandel Rose !
Alternative dildo and a last resort drink. I'm afraid old chap you need to get thee to the drinks emporium and stock up.

I hope this helps. Clearly, flexibility will be your main friend here, particularly if she likes it up her in many variations. :D

Please let us know how you progress. B_W.
 
#7
Thanks chaps! Opinions noted 8)

There's some pics of the tart on the last thread old boy, I forgot to mention I have a Sony Ericson cybershot phone thingy so I suppose that might come in handy :)

-DC
 
#8
Dashing_Chap said:
Thanks chaps! Opinions noted 8)

There's some pics of the tart on the last thread old boy, I forgot to mention I have a Sony Ericson cybershot phone thingy so I suppose that might come in handy :)

-DC
No video on uporn.com etc. by tea and toast Monday a.m. and I might have to call you a fibber of tall tales...
 
#10
Airfix said:
Dashing_Chap said:
Thanks chaps! Opinions noted 8)

There's some pics of the tart on the last thread old boy, I forgot to mention I have a Sony Ericson cybershot phone thingy so I suppose that might come in handy :)

-DC
No video on uporn.com etc. by tea and toast Monday a.m. and I might have to call you a fibber of tall tales...
Would it be morally wrong for me to take perverted photos of said filly & save them for my own sleazy intentions when she's passed out over a bottle of Rose :?

-DC
 
#11
Dashing_Chap said:
Airfix said:
Dashing_Chap said:
Thanks chaps! Opinions noted 8)

There's some pics of the tart on the last thread old boy, I forgot to mention I have a Sony Ericson cybershot phone thingy so I suppose that might come in handy :)

-DC
No video on uporn.com etc. by tea and toast Monday a.m. and I might have to call you a fibber of tall tales...
Would it be morally wrong for me to take perverted photos of said filly & save them for my own sleazy intentions when she's passed out over a bottle of Rose :?

-DC
No, it would be morally wrong for you not to and you would be eternally damned if you didn't post them on here.
 
T

trowel

Guest
#13
Perhaps you meant a pair of brown "blokes". Are you not up to the task ahead, and they are on the reserves bench? You are a bit to fond of the strawberry tea, methinks. Go on, admit it. You are a woofter.
 
#16
Would it be morally wrong for me to take perverted photos of said filly & save them for my own sleazy intentions when she's passed out over a bottle of Rose :?

-DC
Not as morally wrong as it would be if she was squatting over a bottle of Rose. Or, in fact, someone called Rose.
Tell her it's "for your university coursework".
 
#17
Oh gosh! Tarts just arrived at the tube station, I was taking a last few moments to make sure I look dapper & decided to give the old boy a trim with my beard trimmer. I got halfway through & the damn thing ran out of battery. Now my chap looks like a half shaved fuzzy sausage 8O

Inform you chaps the result on the morrow, wish me luck! 8)

~D.C.
 
#18
trowel said:
.Apair of brown loakes? I must have lead a sheltered life. Please enlighten.
I think that D.C. meant to use a capital "L" Loakes

The threats still stand though - no pictures and you will be left to the tender mercies of the Masked Groper
 
T

trowel

Guest
#19
So that's it then. The dozy slapper turns up at Chaps gaff, he slips a few glasses of cheap nasty Rose down her neck, gives her a good shoeing with his new homosexual type Brogues. The brown blokes give her and Chap a seeing to, Chap takes lots of photos, revives bint with a refreshing mug of strawberry tea, boots her out and starts posting lots of pics of the memorable occasion here. Have I missed something?
 
#20
trowel said:
So that's it then. The dozy slapper turns up at Chaps gaff, he slips a few glasses of cheap nasty Rose down her neck, gives her a good shoeing with his new homosexual type Brogues. The brown blokes give her and Chap a seeing to, Chap takes lots of photos, revives bint with a refreshing mug of strawberry tea, boots her out and starts posting lots of pics of the memorable occasion here. Have I missed something?
Yes. You forgot about the bit in between when he sits down and reads his Quantum Mechanics book after a good session of ramming :twisted:
 

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