YES! It IS cricket!!!!

I never thought I would be happy with any judicial decision in favour of any of our ethnically-challenged bretheren, but letting Mr Hussein off with battering one of his own half to death with a cricket bat was a winner with me. He should be made an honorary Englishman. But seriously, that creates a great precedent. What do you have lying around the house that could be used to go splat, crump or thud against the laughing tackle of an intruder? Personally I've got a short, weighted pool-cue, thick end first.
I too have a handy snooker cue, but the best form of defence is The Scarey One - she scares the shoite out of me - Gawd help anyone who came through the window/door etc. However, in Dismounted CC we got taught that anything - except a vegetable or hamster - could be used. Ashtray/kitchen knife/bottle/remote control/rolled newspaper/child. etc.
Upon looking around my fetid, bestial lair, I see...

Claw hammer (club) x 1
Claymore bag (garotte) x 1
12' steel ruler (improvised speculum) x 1
Ancient container of Clag (improvised bio-weapon) x 1
Cheap, sweat-soaked, skidmarked pillow (as above) x 1
Rotting pair of Clark's desert boots (as above) x 1
Out-of-date phone books (club) x 3
Framed portrait of much-loved, horribly-dead sister (purest existential matte-black axe murdering rage) x 1
Can of fly-spray (improvised flamethrower) x 3

Tactical reserve

Razor sharp, unchristened Ek M4 fighting knife (decorative mutilation) x 1
Pick axe helve..........
well lets see :-
L1A1 x 1
Lee-Enfield Mk4 No 2 x 1
SKS x1
sharp stabby things (various)

I like to think I am reasonably well prepared for when the Zombies come, as long as they are the slow swaying ones, like Fartman here.
Shawn of the Dead eat your heart out!
Towel. If I wet it, I can whip him with it. It may not kill him, but it will really hurt.
dragknuckle said:
I've got a Panang 8)
I've got a hi-vis "City of Westminster" Elf and Safety jacket, and I'm not afraid to use it. :p :p :p

Oh, and a heavy duty stapler. Just in case things get really nasty.

Similar threads

New Posts

Latest Threads