YES! It IS cricket!!!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by fertman, Jan 21, 2010.

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  1. I never thought I would be happy with any judicial decision in favour of any of our ethnically-challenged bretheren, but letting Mr Hussein off with battering one of his own half to death with a cricket bat was a winner with me. He should be made an honorary Englishman. But seriously, that creates a great precedent. What do you have lying around the house that could be used to go splat, crump or thud against the laughing tackle of an intruder? Personally I've got a short, weighted pool-cue, thick end first.
  2. I'd like to slap your mum with my cock
  3. I don't think you would, or at least I hope not, she's been dead for 15 years.l
  4. Your mum didn't like it, why would his?
  5. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    I too have a handy snooker cue, but the best form of defence is The Scarey One - she scares the shoite out of me - Gawd help anyone who came through the window/door etc. However, in Dismounted CC we got taught that anything - except a vegetable or hamster - could be used. Ashtray/kitchen knife/bottle/remote control/rolled newspaper/child. etc.
  6. Did she not? She normally does.
  7. Upon looking around my fetid, bestial lair, I see...

    Claw hammer (club) x 1
    Claymore bag (garotte) x 1
    12' steel ruler (improvised speculum) x 1
    Ancient container of Clag (improvised bio-weapon) x 1
    Cheap, sweat-soaked, skidmarked pillow (as above) x 1
    Rotting pair of Clark's desert boots (as above) x 1
    Out-of-date phone books (club) x 3
    Framed portrait of much-loved, horribly-dead sister (purest existential matte-black axe murdering rage) x 1
    Can of fly-spray (improvised flamethrower) x 3

    Tactical reserve

    Razor sharp, unchristened Ek M4 fighting knife (decorative mutilation) x 1
  8. Sword. Simples.
  9. A Blackthorn....a prod with one end and shellacking with t'other.
  10. I've got a Panang 8)
  11. Pick axe helve..........
  12. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    One of these? Scarey.

  13. Collapsible Truncheon x 1

    AK 47 bayonet x 1

    machete x 1

    Should do the trick methinks.
  14. On glancing about I see

    A putter

    Plant in large ceramic pot

    (Empty) champagne magnum

    Pair of size 12 stilletto shoes (but I'd hate to damage them)
  15. well lets see :-
    L1A1 x 1
    Lee-Enfield Mk4 No 2 x 1
    SKS x1
    sharp stabby things (various)

    I like to think I am reasonably well prepared for when the Zombies come, as long as they are the slow swaying ones, like Fartman here.
    Shawn of the Dead eat your heart out!