yeah ? yeah ? do you want this ? yeah ?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by sillyboy, May 2, 2009.

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  1. Had to Naafi this as didnt know where to put it !

    Looked after my nephew last night, usual script, he gets dropped off at ours, a pile PS3 games in one hand and a DPM rucksack full of stuff in the other, I got the usual para reg grunt from over my brothers shoulder as he rooted round my fridge then off he toodles to work (hence the sitting).

    Took the lad for a drive then stopped in Halifax for a Mcdonalds and on the way back he asked for a DVD, no dramas for Reni, chances are an hour and a half of watching frenetic CGI characters should have had him out like a light which would have subsequently freed me up for a night of back to back 'Sweeneys' and a fistfull of jam rolls.

    Gets to the DVD shop, parked up, gave the little lad a lift out of the car, looked up and literally glanced at 4 Asian lads sat outside outside to suddenly get the ubiqioutus remark "what the f*ck you lookin at?" I admit to being a bit perplexed at this and the poor little sod waddling along next to me looked terrified, so I replied minimally, "alright mate, no dramas" and in we went, Im annoyed but not overly so, gets the film, goes back outside, same script, an unavoidable glance resulted in a "what you f*cking looking at prick?", my head went a bit, right heel was tapping the floor, fingers trembling, the usual pre commital reactions everyone has be it a prize fight a charity skydive or an exam !? I asked him to leave it out, got a kid with me ect ect, by this time they are all stood up, all measuring me up, f*cking horrible situation to be in to be honest, stuck the boy in the car, started getting in, bang, empty can on roof of motor, turned to remonstrate to find a pockfaced yoooof of about 17 with what can only be described as a cheese knife saying "yeah ? yeah ? do you want this ? yeah ?"

    Absolutely the most difficult situation I have been in since I was 17 and hanging upside on a wooden fence after vaulting it whilst bolting from a womans house at 4am as her dear sweet hubby was thundering through the house looking for me !

    I found myself holding my hands at waist height, not making eye contact and just driving off........So there you have it, Uncle Reni, ex Royal and Pongo, not a bad scrum half, former pretty dire amauter boxer, :D Wednesday nights at an MMA gym, gets on well with most and never solicits any dramas, was verbally disarmed and sent to Coventry by a load of kids outside a Spa shop on a Friday night ! :D I dont feel particularly bad about it, not quiet yet at the point of indifference but it is the first proper fear I have felt in a long time, in amongst the inevitable slagging I would like some feedback, I know we arent invincible and we face the inevitability of getting older, slower and less able but anyone else been knocked off their perch in such a bizarre way ??

    I feel I have somewhat lost my mojo, have watched Predator 14 times, spent an hour on the bag and am not expecting to produce any more semen for about 48 hours ! :D
     
  2. So what DVD are you and your mates going to get out tonight then? :wink:
     
  3. Im in the airing cupboard with the ISDN cable feed in and wrapped in 2 duvets wearing a saucepan on my head, Im not coming out till all this madness has stopped ! :D
     
  4. Good drills, that man......the alternative ending would have had you fukced over one way or t'other!!

    Trust me. Your mojo will survive. 8)
     
  5. I'd say you handled it quite well mate. You done the right thing. Could you imagine what may have happened if you did kick-off. You had your nephew with you, you were out numbered and there was weapons involved. I say you done the smart thing. Your not a wuss for doing it, your intelligent. Happens to me all the time in my area, I just don't make the eye contact and ignore them and I'm 21. The bigger man walks away after all you would kick every single one of thems arrse one on one. So I'd say that was rather intelligent of you, better with a few scratches on your car and a bruised ego, than a week in intensive care fighting for your life with knife wounds. What is it with these immigrants carrying knives can't they handle a good old one on one straightner.
     
  6. You should have reversed over the paki cunts head.
     
  7. Poof, get back amongst it. Take some Edam and ask them to slice it up for you. Then smash the car door into their heads (a la Lock Stock) and ask them if they want some too.

    I can understand you being a tad scared for the wee lad, but is there anything stopping you going back tonight with a mate to get "Dirty Dancing" out on DVD? You could also be on the way to rounders practice.

    Oh, and take some Brie in case they don't like Dutch cheese. :D
     
  8. I was kidding ! The bizarre thing is one of them had a Dominos Pizza T shirt on and there is only one of those in that town, the mind wanders ! :D
     
  9. Not letting this bother you, are you mate? So don't let it, because we 're guessing you're better than that.
    However tempting its (and it is) to leather these boneheaded cnuts senseless, it could have been a lot worse. Better to get them off the streets with a 999 'er and descriptions once you're out of danger. Saves hassle, and injury to you. This happened to us recently, and we dialled Plod. Funny, but we haven't seen them around for a while :D
     
  10. Reni I choose never to leave the sanctuary of my camp, if this situation had occured to me I would have instructed the offenders to pick up any fag butts outside the shop and perhaps a little area cleaning around the bins. If this didn't resolve the situation I would be considering Agai action.

    Hope this is of some help to you.
     
  11. Probably did the right thing apart from letting the gobby one know in advance you wanted "no dramas". Always a no no. They probably didn't either while you were an unknown quantity but remarks like that give the peckers in the group the "dutch courage" to embark in a spot of "hold me back!" showboating knowing their performance won't get them slapped.

    Never engage the mouthy ones when they chat to you. Like Catholic school girls, it's always the quiet ones that have a genuine commitment to some action.
     
  12. Jebus. All my illusions about the Para Reg have been utterly shattered...and my first section commander was ex 2 Para (Falklands an all). You should hang your head in shame Reni.... :oops:

    Nothing else you could have done fella. You were the bigger man.

    Come out of the airing cupboard, take the saucepan off your head and crack a few cans of Stella.

    Chin up! Dave
     
  13. Alternatively, smash the central locking on the car on, then toot the horn as loud as you can and call the plod. I'm sure that would work.

    (Jarrod - sssh and read the whole first post before you start jumping on Viking - he has turned over a new leaf now).
     
  14. Your one is hardly an isolated incident.

    For what its worth you probably made the right decision (just be sure to hand your willy in with your membership to the man club on the way out)

    Expect to see much more of THIS in the future.

    Edit for missing/extra keys on my keyboard
     
  15. Some fair points made, and V21 they certainly werent immigrants pal they are as British as you and me. I didnt fully appreciate the effect a rusty knife pointed towards you really has, it certainly felt worse than the dull thud of 7.62 on the outer wall of a compound or the bang of a chinese rocket when your in your gonk bag ! Maybe its because with a knife, YOU are the specific target ?? funny night, might order a pizza ! :D