Ye kilt wearers!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Radical_Dreamer, Nov 30, 2005.

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  1. Happy St. Andrews day! :lol:






    Any derogatory jokes?
     
  2. Thanks .. but it isnt all fun being Scottish .. look at the neighbours weve got !! .. :lol:
     
  3. Well we've got the Welsh. :lol:
     
  4. Have you had your Haggis today?
     
  5. O Flower of Scotland,
    When will we see
    Your like again,
    That fought and died for,
    Your wee bit Hill and Glen,
    And stood against him,
    Proud Edward's Army,
    And sent him homeward,
    Tae think again.
    The Hills are bare now,
    And Autumn leaves
    lie thick and still,
    O'er land that is lost now,
    Which those so dearly held,
    That stood against him,
    Proud Edward's Army,
    And sent him homeward,
    Tae think again.

    Those days are past now,
    And in the past
    they must remain,
    But we can still rise now,
    And be the nation again,
    That stood against him,
    Proud Edward's Army,
    And sent him homeward,
    Tae think again.

    0 Flower of Scotland,
    When will we see
    your like again,
    That fought and died for,
    Your wee bit Hill and Glen,
    And stood against him,
    Proud Edward's Army,
    And sent him homeward,
    Tae think again.
     
  6. bit early for a dram yet I suppose?
     
  7. It isn't, is it? Oops! :oops:
     
  8. Its never too early for a dram!!
     
  9. Oh It's A Braw Day :D




    There was a soldier, a Scottish soldier
    Who wandered far away, and soldiered far away
    There was non bolder, with good broad shoulder
    He's fought in many a fray, and fought and won.
    He's seen the glory, and told the story
    Of battles glorious, and deeds victorious
    But now he's sighing, his heart is crying
    To leave these green hills ofTyrol
    Because these green hills are not highland hills,
    Or the island hills, they're not my land's hills
    And fair as these green foreign hills may be
    They are not the hills of home

    And now this soldier, this Scottish soldier
    Who wandered far away, and soldiered far away
    Sees leaves are falling, and death is calling
    And he will fade away, in that far land
    He's called his piper his trusty piper
    And bade him sound alay, A pi-broch sad to play
    Up on a hillside, but Scottish hillside
    Not on these green hills of Tyrol............
    Chorus

    And so this soldier, this Scottish soldier
    Will wander far no more, and soldier far no more
    And on a hillside, a Scottish hillside
    You'll see a piper play his soldier home
    He's seen the glory, he's told the story
    Of battles glourious and deeds victorious
    The bugles cease now, he is at peace now
    Far from those green hills of Tyrol...........
    Chorus
     
  10. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    The porridge was grand this morning!
     
  11. The Breakfast of Champions-Whisky and Oatmeal!!!!
     
  12. Well we might as well have some Billy Connolly quotes (obviously before he developed that mid-atlantic drawl):

    Two guys are talking and one says to the other: "What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?" The other one says, "I'd sh*g everything that moved...What would you do?" And he says, "I'd stand perfectly still."

    I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

    Save the Trees?...Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!

    What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

    Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of cigarette packet.

    Poor Michael Jackson and these sex allegations. As if it's not bad enough him being a Jehova's Witness, they're accusing him of behaving like a catholic priest!

    American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head - supposedly for people to drive along the freeway with.

    Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?

    Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'
     

  13. Good Lord! Support from an unexpected quarter. Galgenberg I thank you, and sup another dram in your honour :D
     
  14. Address to a Haggis.


    Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
    Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
    Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
    Painch, tripe, or thairm:
    Weel are ye wordy of a grace
    As lang's my arm.

    The groaning trencher there ye fill,
    Your hurdies like a distant hill,
    Your pin wad help to mend a mill
    In time o need,
    While thro your pores the dews distil
    Like amber bead.

    His knife see rustic Labour dight,
    An cut you up wi ready slight,
    Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
    Like onie ditch;
    And then, O what a glorious sight,
    Warm-reekin, rich!

    Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
    Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
    Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
    Are bent like drums;
    The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
    'Bethankit' hums.

    Is there that owre his French ragout,
    Or olio that wad staw a sow,
    Or fricassee wad mak her spew
    Wi perfect sconner,
    Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
    On sic a dinner?

    Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
    As feckless as a wither'd rash,
    His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
    His nieve a nit:
    Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
    O how unfit!

    But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
    The trembling earth resounds his tread,
    Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
    He'll make it whissle;
    An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
    Like taps o thrissle.

    Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
    And dish them out their bill o fare,
    Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
    That jaups in luggies:
    But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
    Gie her a Haggis!
     
  15. Sorry - I should have put in the English translation.


    Fair full your honest, jolly face,
    Great chieftain of the sausage race!
    Above them all you take your place,
    Stomach, tripe, or intestines:
    Well are you worthy of a grace
    As long as my arm.

    The groaning trencher there you fill,
    Your buttocks like a distant hill,
    Your pin would help to mend a mill
    In time of need,
    While through your pores the dews distill
    Like amber bead.

    His knife see rustic Labour wipe,
    And cut you up with ready slight,
    Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
    Like any ditch;
    And then, O what a glorious sight,
    Warm steaming, rich!

    Then spoon for spoon, the stretch and strive:
    Devil take the hindmost, on they drive,
    Till all their well swollen bellies by-and-by
    Are bent like drums;
    Then old Master of the house, most like to burst,
    'The grace!' hums.

    Is there that over his French ragout,
    Or olio that would sicken a sow,
    Or fricassee would make her throw-up
    With perfect disgust,
    Looks down with sneering, scornful view
    On such a dinner?

    Poor devil! see him over his trash,
    As feeble as a withered rush,
    His thin legs a good whip-lash,
    His fist a nut;
    Through bloody flood or field to dash,
    O how unfit.

    But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
    The trembling earth resounds his tread,
    Clap in his ample fist a blade,
    He will make it whistle;
    And legs, and arms, and heads will crop
    Like tops of thistle.

    You powers, who make mankind your care,
    And dish them out their bill of fare,
    Old Scotland want no watery ware,
    That splashes in small wooden dishes;
    But is you wish her grateful prayer,
    Give her a Haggis!