Ye Gods! Act of kindness by RMP

#1
After a VERY drunken meeting in Londonw ith a client, (which led to an even more drunken evening) I finally got my sorry arse on the train home...well, as far as Farnborough.

I promptly bundled everyone in the taxi queue out of the way and jumped into the one and only cab...only to find I had the measly sum of £9 on me.

Told the cabbie to take me as far as £9 would go...to which he stopped the car bang on £9 and kicked me out by the church on Queens Ave. Bugger.

So there I was, at 3am, weaving my way towards home while texting my babysitter to apologise for being late and to assure her next time I say I'll be in by 12 I'll mean it!

What I didn't realise was that in my drunken state of text madness I was not actually looking where I was going and suddenly heard a voice say 'Oi love, where do you think you're going?'

I looked up and saw some blurred writing and could just make out the words 'PROVOST'

'Excuse me love, over 'ere'

I turned and came face to face with the RMP who kindly explained to me that, in my apparent unawareness of the green cross code etc I was just about to wobble my way into their camp.

Damn.

I think I apologised, but the words came out as a 'sshhhlorry bout tha hic'

Anyway, in a shock horror moment they offered me a lift home - which I gratefully accepted and saved myself another 20 mins of pi.ssed up wandering.

Any of you Arrsers got stories of random acts of kindness towards you when you were too drunk to appreciate it?
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#2
Did they poke you on the way home? Not like them to do anyone a favour .
 
#3
I reckon Moody was doing the favours in the shape of Bum sex and Bukkake
 
#4
Well this was my point exactly.

Usually have to let them both do me in the hoop and give them ring dhobi - but they didn't want any of that, they just took me home and dropped me off!!! 8O :D

Is there something going on with the monkeys that we don't know about...or do you think the clinkers on my hairy ring put them off - it doesn't usually. :D
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#5
Maybe they were playing a game of 'who can get the ugliest bird in your police car tonight' . On your way home, did you pass a great big line of p*ssed up Monkeys, pointing at you?

Did you hear the driver radio up his mates and tell them that he'd definately won and that they should wait on Queens Ave, he'd be there in ten?
 
#6
Moodybitch said:
they just took me home and dropped me off!!! 8O :D
You must be bogging then.

Did you offer them sex ? were you wearing your Tesco's / Asda George bikini?

Did you bleach your fingers / teeth before going out? did you tuck away your lady c0ck?

Unless like all monkeys they were gay..... but looking like a bloke you'd think they would still let you guzzle them :D
 
#7
Moodybitch said:
Usually have to let them both do me in the hoop and give them ring dhobi - but they didn't want any of that, they just took me home and dropped me off!!! 8O :D

Is there something going on with the monkeys that we don't know about...or do you think the clinkers on my hairy ring put them off - it doesn't usually. :D
May be it was the puke all down your frock that turned them off? I know for a fact that Monkeys usually love Klingons.... Its a long story. I knew a RMP in Aldershi'ite that would go on the pull in Cheeks looking for scutters to take back and lick their hoops.

Now if a "lady" lets you ring them on the first buck-fest, shes bound to have some sort of disease.... Not saying you have MB....
 
#8
Biscuits_AB said:
Maybe they were playing a game of 'who can get the ugliest bird in your police car tonight' . On your way home, did you pass a great big line of p*ssed up Monkeys, pointing at you?

Did you hear the driver radio up his mates and tell them that he'd definately won and that they should wait on Queens Ave, he'd be there in ten?
No they never pick me up when playing that game...your mum always wins anyway so whats the point. :D
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#10
Moodybitch said:
Biscuits_AB said:
Maybe they were playing a game of 'who can get the ugliest bird in your police car tonight' . On your way home, did you pass a great big line of p*ssed up Monkeys, pointing at you?

Did you hear the driver radio up his mates and tell them that he'd definately won and that they should wait on Queens Ave, he'd be there in ten?
No they never pick me up when playing that game...your mum always wins anyway so whats the point. :D
So, you've just remembered the conversation in the car then. And you thought he was talking to his mate didn't you?

I wonder how much he won?
 
#11
Look, I'm as baffled as you are!

I am the biggest munter in the shot - we all know that....but it's never mattered before.


Maybe they were gay, or maybe I swamped myself in the car and can't remember???

I still have those kecks on though and they don't smell (apart from the skids but they were from yesterday)

:D
 
#12
I looked you up on the Arrsepedia Moody, just to get a feel of why you'd be hanging aroung the RMP barracks. Look what i found:

Moodybitch: A man.

Also known as 'Synthetics Sally' on account of her once pleasuring an entire company of Paras in the parachute ground training hut located around the back of 160 Provost in Aldershot. She can often be found hanging around 160's front gate offering gobbies for lifts back to her sheltered accommodation.

She'll show you her chuff for a bag of Tony's chips.

Retrieved from "http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/index.php/Moodybitch"
 
#15
Yeah but the battered sausage was to make up for your inadequate c0ck :D

Came out with more batter on it than when it went on
 
#17
There's nothing inadequate about my c)ck MDN, and yer missus agrees with me everytime I show it to her ("Yes Yes YES! RTFQ YES! You're my favorite Port Side Door Gunner! Clear my stoppage!"

As for you Moody, I didn't make you eat the damn thing afterwards though, that was just plain unhygienic.
 
#18
If my Mrs turned to a Rodney for sex I'd just slot myself

Bit like Pamela Anderson resorting to Stephen Hawkins for stimulation.

She was being polite about your c0ck, her words to me were 'MDN, did you see that growth where that Ewoks penis should be'

I laughed and told her to shut up and chew me off, while your chick gently fingered my botty:D
 
#19
Mighty_doh_nut said:
If my Mrs Turned to a Rodney for sex I'd just slot myself

Bit like Pamela Anderson resorting to Stephen Hawkins for stimulation.
:D

I'll have you know that Steven Hawkins' version of the Kama Sutra ("A Brief History of Qui.m") has done wonders for my sex life and you've not done it properly until you've role-played with a wheelchair and an electronic voice box. There's something very erotic about your missus (in full mong mode) looking backwards over her shoulder, eyes wide with the strain, concentration-drool slipping down her chin - then without her lips moving, you hear the mechanical, robotic monotone of her voice machine:

"Do. My. Black. Hole. With. Your. Red. Dwarf. Big......Boy."
 
#20
You assume that she has shoulders to look over......... What do you think attracted me to her in the first place?

Reckon it was her olive skin and long dark hair? her stunning brown eyes? her electric smile?

Was it fcuk

Its because she is paralised from the nostrils down and can't fight back when I force myself on her
 

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