Yappy little rat type dog

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by scaleyfcuker, Jan 20, 2010.

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  1. I live in a small block of flats and over xmas I spotted the cnuts girlfriend downstairs taking her dog for a walk and let the ratty yappy little thing poo round the back of my car. Proceeded to confront dickhead downstairs who pulled out the 3D card (deny, deny, deny). Kept my cool and didnt want to cause more dramas (especially as Im away a lot and dont want any hassle for my missus and little one). I thought best to gain revenge in alternative methods, of which Im still too decide.

    Ive got some anti fouling pepper that ive secreted about the place which will cause the little shit too go mental when going for its 'walkies' about the car park. Ive also looked into purchasing one of those electronic dog scaring devices (handheld) from maplins so when she pops round with the dog I can make the thing go mental from a distance (hehe).

    Have thought about snares but dont want to harm any wild animals, again the same if to use bait laced with some unpleasant chemical that'll make it shit all over his flat.

    Any ideas fellas, remember covert and subtle is the key, have no sympathy for the dog as its a yappy little ratty thing that barks, sorry yaps at everyone, vicous little cnut.
  2. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Just get (or borrow) a much bigger, more vicious dog. Train it to savage their little rat on a rope. When your dog inevitably kills theirs, deny deny deny.
  3. [​IMG]

    Or failing that, just lie in wait and reverse over the fecker.
  4. cover a piece of foam rubber with pate? Choke the rat!
  5. With a nice tasty razor blade inside aswell, 'mmmmm yummy, there you go little cnut thats it rat dog lap it up' mmwhooohhaaahhahaha
  6. See if you can't get yourself posted to an RA Bty. Then , when nobody is looking, load the little rat into the breech of one of the guns and ... oh wait. Somebody has already done that.
  7. Leave some choccies with Lomotil tablets embedded in them near the motah. Lomotil will plug the pooch up and stop it crapping. Do this for a week.
    On the last day lace the choccies with sennakot or some other powerfull laxative. once pooch enters the house there should be a satifying explosion of shoite, and lots of yelps as the fecker gets kicked to death - by its owner.
  8. Just keep calling the RSPCA.... after a few checks they might be persuaded to give to poor beast up to a better life...
  9. Chocolate laced with paracetamol should do the trick. The little cnut will bleed out at home :twisted:
  10. Stamp on it. Repeatedly.

    If you start with the hind-quarters you get to enjoy the sight of it attempting to escape by dragging itself around on its forelegs only, while mewling for mercy or protection.

    Or, you could just go straight for the head but where's the performance art in that?
  11. I have a similar problem - my new neighbours moved in a few months ago, and with them a couple of cats - which has now attracted every single other cat in the neighbourhood to have pissing and shitting contests all over my rear lawn, front lawn, and by the side of my garage. Now my neighbours are tops, and know all too well about the cats, offer to clean up etc - but cats are cats, and will continue to shit unless I do something.
    So I have heard you can buy these scarecrow PIR sensors that are hosed-up to your outside tap, and deliver a loud and fast jet of water when the unsuspecting 'pest' braves your garden. They are supposed to be 100% effective, so if anyone can 'shed' any light, I'm all ears. They work on super-yappy little dogs too.
    The other thing I thought of was electrifying the fence but... A) I'm not really into electrocuting moggies that are just busting for a crap ...B) I'll forget about it in the summer when I'm pissed at yet another BBQ when I go to lean on it ...and C) I'll forget to tell the wife next time she leans on fence to talk to my neighbour about me behind my back.
  12. squeekingsapper

    squeekingsapper LE Reviewer

    Where I used to live we had hedges between the houses rather than fences and my old neighbours jack russell always used to keep coming through and crapping on my lawn.

    Neighbour was a nice enough sort and I have nothing against dogs, but it started to hack me off having to check through the garden when ever I had friends coming over for BBQ's etc, for parcels.

    Decided in the end to sit out there in the dark one evening when neighbour was due to let it out (he was a creature of habit on his timings) and caught the little mutt and gave it a proper shoeing, which stopped him coming in after that. Downside was that the neighbour guessed something must have happened as everytime the dog saw me in the street afterwards, it would run and hide.
  13. Hi Jesterip, I've said this before, carpet gripper spread about the area should piss off said cats and it does work.!! :)
  14. Being a scaley Im looking into devices that will transmit nasty sub audible tones (we cant hear) that'll send the little fcuker skitzo when in his flat.


    Works on cats aswell, gonna go to maplins at the weekend, accompanied with doggy treats laced with the relevant chemicals published previously subtly dropped in its path from girlfriends car to dooshbags front door should result in it 1. going mental when I transmit through the floor or down the corridor with device and 2.being constipated for a week then releasing large quantities of backed up dog faeces all over his flat.

    Concerned I may not be able to view the results of my handy work but will have to hope that it works