Yank & Foreign Toilets

Just got back from the US. Every bog I went into seemd to be filled to the brim with water.

No chance of avoiding the splosh also I noted that the parts seemed to dangle into the water which was, erm... refreshing.

Anyone else with thoughts on this tendency of Johnny Foreigner to be unable to construct a decent porcelain throne?
I found it handy to wash my kn*B when i flushed!
also american bogs seem to have a huge gap between the floor and the dividing wall you could limbo dance under them all !
Well, there was of course, the hyiene thing, having the facility to wash yer hands whilst taking a dump was convenient.

But, and this is the big but, on those occasions when I had been intemperate on the previous evening (And you know how septic ale washes through you) I would deposit a black foulness of a liquid character.

Then I found that the task of keeping the nadgers etc clear of the polluted waters below interfered with the primary task of crouching at stool.

Pro's and Cons...
Better the Septic 10-gallon crapper than the German/Dutch shelf-shïtter.

Fortunately the Dutch lady who owned my house previously had the foresight to install a British style cräpper downstairs, so at least I can poo in comfort.
I remeber a drunken coversation in Germany once whan a Scottish friend of mine exclaimed to all and sundry that he like the 'inspection bay' model of toilet as when he has a very long and firm stool it sometimes fell forwards and knocked his sac. He found this feeling amusing.
He was to later deny saying any such thing (in front of the entire troop at a friday de-brief) and still does to this day.
It is for one of two reasons:

1. American profligacy - hell, it's only water, there's more where that came from!

2. Small kn0bs inherited from the Puritans.



Book Reviewer
How can we forget - closer to Home that the USA - the wonderful 'footplate' design of the French, or the simple hole favoured by the Greeks?

French ones, after a few beers, are very, very,dangerous indeed.....
Jap ones (similar to the French) are an absolute nightmare, especially trying to avoid depositing in the underwear...still the stretched anus effect theoretically avoids the need for bog role.


And of course the delightful Greek requirement to deposit your scheisse-smeared arrse paper in a wastepaper basket rather than flushing it down the crapper with the turds. Always adds to the homely aroma of the Greek 'facilities'.
This is mine after a very nasty log- off incident involving curry & cider


"Did you see / notice 'owt else in America then?"

Yup, what I did notice was the amazing amount of churches. I've been to "Merka" before but that was mostly in the northwest. This time I was in the south, Tennessee and environs.

Every second building was a church!!! How do people do it? I mean how do you choose which one you fancy? Are you Episcopal, Anarchist Baptist, Assembly of God etc etc?

And every one I passed claimed to be the first. i.e. First Assembly of God, First Presbyterian and so on, when this was added to all the "First" banks it became a tad confusing. They can't all be blood first, so who was eh?

And every sign for every business seemd to have some message like, "God bless our troops/USA" say wot yer like about the spams, they certainly believe in their own country...
Did you notice the spam urinals? All that industrial scale pipework to regulate the water? What was all that about?
Speedkuff said:
Every second building was a church!!! How do people do it? I mean how do you choose which one you fancy? Are you Episcopal, Anarchist Baptist, Assembly of God etc etc?
Why limit yourself? Here in South Boston we have Lithuanian Orthodox, Taiwanese Baptist, Latvian Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, Bible Baptist, Hispanic Baptist, Congregational, Albanian Orthodox, Presbyterian, of course that old redoubt of Catholic priests, the South End Boy's Club

Speedkuff said:
And every sign for every business seemd to have some message like, "God bless our troops/USA" say wot yer like about the spams, they certainly believe in their own country...
Of course they have! It's like flying the Nazi party flag outside your house in 1930's Germany. Either you display the goods or you're against them. Every patriotic American has to have a "Support Our Troops" ribbon sticker on their car. Because that's what supporting the troops is about; spending $1 on a sticker (although many Americans buy two per car - they are what we call Real American Heroes).


Book Reviewer
Whilst visiting the Mall of America in Minneapolis last week I was caught short by a desire to drop the kids off at the pool.

Having contemplated the meaning of life for a couple of minutes I leant to one side to attack my hoop with Hank Andrex' finest when the bog flushed and my sack went half way down the U bend to its watery grave.

The same happened on two more occasions during the week and resulted in damp nads and palpitations that left me shaking like a sh1tt1ing dog.

Damned infra red auto flush bogs! I thought my love spuds were heading for Davey Jones locker.
Over here in the offices and shopping centres built since the 1980s there's usually a 3:1 ratio of 'British' loos to squat holes and despite the signs (in English, hànzi & in cartoon form) that hasn't stopped many of the bloody locals squatting on the seats & getting pish EVERYWHERE! It drives me insane & even at my place of work I don't go to the loo without antiseptic wipes in anticipation of having to do the cleaner's job... :roll: :evil:

Edited to add: most 'normal' loos over here have the infared-eye too & my first experience of them was a bit of a surprise! 8O
I had the most frightening experience whilst snapping one off on a 747 to Florida. Imagine my surprise when for some isane moment i decided to flush in mid hoop squeeze! Not only did the brown log of doom break the sound barrier as it got sucked out.But it felt as though my colon was trying to over take it!
... I think I know where dozybint is. I too, was unnerved by a 80 yr old granny perching herself on her FEET on the edge of a loo and happily chatting away to another equally wizened old bird WITH THE DOOR WIDE OPEN. In fact in some places I've heard they've taken off the doors as the women of that nation don't use them. Dirty cows. Actually - I can't really say that as my Mum is a native of that small Island - she has now been trained in the ways of the white woman - especially in toilet matters. She does however, still have the door open sometimes.
DB's comments remind me of spending a short while somewhere hot and sandy earlier this year (a little futher south than THAT place). I knew about the Arabian squat toilets, but was surprised (though on recollection I had heard many years before) to find a hose & shower attachment in even the western loos in many places. My initial reaction was "Where the fcuk is the toilet roll?!?!". then it dawned on me....

Relatives of mine have lived in that area for many years and always said a) take along your own toilet roll when out and about and b) yes, they had experienced on many occasions the pleasures of using a western toilet after a local gentlemen or lady had used the facility in an Arabian fashion.

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