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WWFE (Worst War Film Ever)

I totally agree with Fury, I was so disappointed when I finally got round to watching it.

Why didn't the Germans just walk a few hundred meters around the stranded tank, and then go back and zap it later?

Anyhoo, watched WAR for the planet of the Apes over the weekend, I'm sure that counts.

It had the standard US Army "HooHah!". whenever a bunch of soldiers were on parade, and the rest of the usual nonsense, weapons sounding like a sack of spanners when you moved them an inch, etc etc. Load of old pants!

and how realistic was it to put a typewriter trained rookie in the bow gunners seat as a BCR rather than an experience one from the pool of bow gunners shot out of their Sherman, by all accounts this was happening on a regular basis around the time of Achen, mentioned in the movie, would the Sergeant with the clipboard really have made an "MOS"/trade mistake like that. The typewriter rookie story, borrowed from Saving Private Ryan.
 

Sarastro

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Does it show someone having to run up an extra hill for pointing something out on the map with his finger instead of using a blade of grass? If not, it ain't gen.

Obviously anyone who would be likely to point out something with their finger has already drowned on the swim test or failed to shoot a dog, so it doesn't come up.
 
A mention in passing for 'Attack on the Iron Coast' - a cheap-looking re-hash of the St Nazaire raid, filmed in St Katherine's Dock, London. I think I saw and enjoyed it as a child but it is now unwatchable.
'The Gift Horse' was an earlier and ok-ish version of the story, but surely the raid is worth a decent big screen version?
Never happen.

The Yanks have the cash, no yanks were involved. Therefore never happened
 
He is. The combat scenes are -
German AAA gun firing. Commandos run around corner, grenade/shoot the AAA gun crew, then run off. Repeat 20 times. It is shocking. There is no narrative to the combat - it is like kids playing in the park.

Isn't the opening few minutes shot in the docks in Liverpool that later housed that ITV mid-morning show?
 
I totally agree with Fury, I was so disappointed when I finally got round to watching it.

Why didn't the Germans just walk a few hundred meters around the stranded tank, and then go back and zap it later?

Anyhoo, watched WAR for the planet of the Apes over the weekend, I'm sure that counts.

It had the standard US Army "HooHah!". whenever a bunch of soldiers were on parade, and the rest of the usual nonsense, weapons sounding like a sack of spanners when you moved them an inch, etc etc. Load of old pants!
Yep, Fury could and should have been a lot better.
Amazed nobody has said this one yet, perhaps nobody has seen it, in which case correction is required forthwith.

"I Am Soldier" - 2014 British title, with casting straight from Danny Dyer's contacts list.

Only about 80 minutes long but still boring, and unlike wiser producers with more resources, believes the £18.99 budget is enough to make the "true story" of SAS selection, which obviously it gets wildly wrong in every way possible except for the fact that there are some hills. All topped off by the classic "well done you've passed, let's go to the pub, oh no our pub session has immediately been interrupted by an emergency CT callout!" finale, as seen in every straight-to-video movie and no CT callout ever, and an ending that makes you genuinely wonder if they just ran out of cash to recharge the camera battery.

Total balls from start to finish, you couldn't get a more efficient delivery of pure bullshit without hands on a cow's lower intestine, required viewing if you need to splutter and cough along with something to accompany your fine selection of possibly fatal pandemic symptoms.
Is Noel Clark in that one?
 
and how realistic was it to put a typewriter trained rookie in the bow gunners seat as a BCR rather than an experience one from the pool of bow gunners shot out of their Sherman, by all accounts this was happening on a regular basis around the time of Achen, mentioned in the movie, would the Sergeant with the clipboard really have made an "MOS"/trade mistake like that. The typewriter rookie story, borrowed from Saving Private Ryan.
Well US Infantry replacements were indeed sometime sent to Tank units in NWE as crew replacements. Given some rounds to fire and sent off usually as a bow gunner or a loader

My Dad was trained initially as a telephone switchboard operator wound up carrying a bazooka in an Armored infantry unit and wound up as their First Sergeant by wars end

And it wasnt just in WW2, in 1968 USMC tank crewmen (M48's) at Camp Pendleton were sent to Vietnam as infantrymen and Amtrac LVTP-5 crewmen sent to 1st tank Bn as M48 crewmen
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
Well US Infantry replacements were indeed sometime sent to Tank units in NWE as crew replacements. Given some rounds to fire and sent off usually as a bow gunner or a loader

My Dad was trained initially as a telephone switchboard operator wound up carrying a bazooka in an Armored infantry unit and wound up as their First Sergeant by wars end

And it wasnt just in WW2, in 1968 USMC tank crewmen (M48's) at Camp Pendleton were sent to Vietnam as infantrymen and Amtrac LVTP-5 crewmen sent to 1st tank Bn as M48 crewmen
Says a lot about the system
 
Amazed nobody has said this one yet, perhaps nobody has seen it, in which case correction is required forthwith.

"I Am Soldier" - 2014 British title, with casting straight from Danny Dyer's contacts list.

Only about 80 minutes long but still boring, and unlike wiser producers with more resources, believes the £18.99 budget is enough to make the "true story" of SAS selection, which obviously it gets wildly wrong in every way possible except for the fact that there are some hills. All topped off by the classic "well done you've passed, let's go to the pub, oh no our pub session has immediately been interrupted by an emergency CT callout!" finale, as seen in every straight-to-video movie and no CT callout ever, and an ending that makes you genuinely wonder if they just ran out of cash to recharge the camera battery.

Total balls from start to finish, you couldn't get a more efficient delivery of pure bullshit without hands on a cow's lower intestine, required viewing if you need to splutter and cough along with something to accompany your fine selection of possibly fatal pandemic symptoms.

Is it worse than Age Of Heroes, the trash film actually using Danny Dyer's unique 'talents'?
 

Sarastro

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Is it worse than Age Of Heroes, the trash film actually using Danny Dyer's unique 'talents'?

Oh, much. At least Age of Heroes has Sean Bean and Nazis.

And yes, Noel Clarke is in it. Also the actress from Ultimate Farce, because they just couldn't be bothered to pretend it was different.
 

Lacking Moral Fibre

War Hero
Book Reviewer
Hamburger Hill has been on again recently, I tried to watch it-never been able to see it all the way through. Load of shite.
An early scene where the GI's are lounging around the river with all the tame locals, when they come under mortar fire. Usual clichés of the GI's firing wildly into the distant jungle. One of the characters exclaims "they must have a spotter" well said spotter must have been blind as the rounds explode randomly over the area mostly hitting the river.
I stomached that but when they began fighting up the hill, a black GI decides to run ahead chasing a NVA soldier only to run into and exploding grenade.
 
and how realistic was it to put a typewriter trained rookie in the bow gunners seat as a BCR rather than an experience one from the pool of bow gunners shot out of their Sherman, by all accounts this was happening on a regular basis around the time of Achen, mentioned in the movie, would the Sergeant with the clipboard really have made an "MOS"/trade mistake like that. The typewriter rookie story, borrowed from Saving Private Ryan.

Do the maths on that bloke.
"How long you been in the army?"
"Two weeks."

So in two weeks you've done:
Basic, MOS training, travelled from your recruitment training centre to port of embarkation, embarked, sailed to the UK (which in itself takes on average two weeks), disembarked, travelled across the UK, re-embarked, sailed to France, then travelled across France. Are you a ******* time traveller?

This, ladies and gentlemen, this is the level of bullshit that film furnishes. Hence why I pointed out that they should have dumped one of the "military advisors" and gotten hold of a historian or two.
 
Personally I loathe the new version of Dunkirk, sadly the twats in the hulk led by a boy band extra made the whole thing unbearable.
I found the whole thing a bit odd, intense enemy rifle action right inside Dunkirk, there were brave British units on rearguard holding the Germans back, well back, from Dunkirk.
 
I found the whole thing a bit odd, intense enemy rifle action right inside Dunkirk, there were brave British units on rearguard holding the Germans back, well back, from Dunkirk.
And one Spitfire doing ever decreasing circuits. It was all very bizarre, the only redeeming feature in the whole farcical Wokie production was the Naval chappie on the mole.
 
And one Spitfire doing ever decreasing circuits.

Well he wasn't decreasing, which is sort of one of my problems with it...

The, for want of a better term, "score" was dire, just the same two notes on a violin for two bloody hours. Equally the format was terrible, covering over the same space of time 24 hours, 12 hours and 1 hour. That confused my wife no end.
 
Personally I loathe the new version of Dunkirk, sadly the twats in the hulk led by a boy band extra made the whole thing unbearable.
Well, I laffed at the part at the beginning of the Dunkirk remake when the squaddie, German leaflets in hand, was looking for a place to take a shit and the MG34 opened up on him. He legged it, I can tell you. :thumleft: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :p:p
 

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