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WWFE (Worst War Film Ever)

Ardennes Fury. It lasted all of thirty seconds before I decided upon Flog It on the other side. Utter tripe.
 

overopensights

ADC
Book Reviewer
Ok some war films are bad but we don't exactly cover ourselves in glory. I would like to bring to everyones attention the training film corncerning the use of ear defence inside an armoured vehicle. You must remember, the one with the bloke with dodgy hearing in the pub with his girlfriend. Not since Pinnocchio has there been such wooden acting. I just hope the guy was a better soldier than actor.
I liked the Army Training Films on Syphilis and Gonorrhea.
 

daz

LE
The Sound of Music.

Absolutely no action whatsoever despite several people prancing round in German army and Wafen SS uniforms. Utter shite.
Come on, be honest, you were hoping that the SS caught and shot the Von Trapp's .......anything to stop the "singing" :)
 
I liked the Army Training Films on Syphilis and Gonorrhea.
That and "The Red Menace" indoc film starring David Jassen of "The Fugitive" fame were popular boot camp films that changed my life when I was young. :salut: :thumright:
 
Operation Dunkirk. Utter shite. Made for £11.50. Shit costumes, shit script, shiiiiiit acting. I was after the other Dunkirk and got this by mistake.

Second nomination. The other Dunkirk. Utter shite. made for fcukin millions. Clean costumes, shit script, shiiiiiiit acting.
Yep, Nolan's version of Dunkirk was vastly overrated.
The impression I got was the intention was to show the BEF was full of scared kids.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
I liked the Army Training Films on Syphilis and Gonorrhea.
Many many years ago, when I was a training screw at the Rifle Depot, we were showing one of those masterpieces to a bunch of recruits. They were new to me as in my training time it was all black and white, with a bloke ( I nelieve it was Michael Medwin) scrubbing his bell end with a brush, scrubbing, for the use of. This newer one was in colour and set in Singapore/Malaya. The Pln sgt and myself - we had both been in the same coy during our time out there - suddenly sat up and looked aghast at a scene in a bar. We had both drank in there and had both had long and interesting chats, about politics, economics and such like, with what looked to be the self same girl that gave this poor squaddy a very bad cold in his winkle.
 

Chef

LE
I've just discovered that there was a sequel to 'Cross of Iron' (1977):


It's not very good.

 
I've just discovered that there was a sequel to 'Cross of Iron' (1977):


It's not very good.

that art work on the cover showing an ancient Robert Mitchum looks like a wrinkly old snail popping out of it's shell to check if the lettice leaf is still there. Quite possibly the only accurate thing in the whole movie.
 
saw "Battle of the Bulge" on telly the other day, filmed in Spain using serving M47 Patton tanks as king Tigers and M24 Chaffee light tanks as Shermans. They got the comparative size difference about right, but very little else in that movie was anything even close to what happened in Belguim and Luxembourg. Such a wasted chance, with all that cash, all those big Hollywood names, they could have made a Ben Hurr scale epic, instead of the lame duck that actually came out, not that the public at the time would have been any the wiser, I'm sure they were convinced by the film that the Panzerwaffe were billeted in a Spanish ville.
 

Chef

LE
Does he still hate all officers?

I flicked through a few minutes and it seems that he does but I wouldn't waste 90 minutes on it.

Probably straight to video bargain bins on release. Shame really as @SPROCKET321 says given they had some big names, albeit at the last knockings of their careers and it is the only sequel to a Peckinpah film it could have been splendid.
 
The wife put on Fury last weekend. I knew it was going to be bad, I just didn't realise how bad.


I did note, with some amusement that apparently they had eight "military advisors" and not one "historical advisor".


I must say I quite enjoyed it, although it got a bit daft towards the end.

You might enjoy this documentary about how they made it more than the film itself. Seems they went to great lengths to make it historically accurate, using the last working Tiger 1 which now resides at Bovington.


MM
 
I must say I quite enjoyed it, although it got a bit daft towards the end.

You might enjoy this documentary about how they made it more than the film itself. Seems they went to great lengths to make it historically accurate, using the last working Tiger 1 which now resides at Bovington.


MM

Lets talk about what they did to the tank shall we... By accounts from volunteers the film makers wrecked the Sherman they used (which is a bit of a feat in itself!), and the Tank Museum had to watch them like a hawk to make sure the Tiger didn't get trashed in the same way.

Film: Without a single redeeming feature.
 

Issi

War Hero
I totally agree with Fury, I was so disappointed when I finally got round to watching it.

Why didn't the Germans just walk a few hundred meters around the stranded tank, and then go back and zap it later?

Anyhoo, watched WAR for the planet of the Apes over the weekend, I'm sure that counts.

It had the standard US Army "HooHah!". whenever a bunch of soldiers were on parade, and the rest of the usual nonsense, weapons sounding like a sack of spanners when you moved them an inch, etc etc. Load of old pants!
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
Lets talk about what they did to the tank shall we... By accounts from volunteers the film makers wrecked the Sherman they used (which is a bit of a feat in itself!), and the Tank Museum had to watch them like a hawk to make sure the Tiger didn't get trashed in the same way.

Film: Without a single redeeming feature.
TV and film companies can and will fcuk up anything for their "shot."
They truly believe money can fix anything and will try to push the price down.

If anyone, anywhere is so stupid as to lend anything to these creatures, ensure you have a witnessed contract with ridiculously exorbitant prices on every little scratch.
 

Sarastro

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Amazed nobody has said this one yet, perhaps nobody has seen it, in which case correction is required forthwith.

"I Am Soldier" - 2014 British title, with casting straight from Danny Dyer's contacts list.

Only about 80 minutes long but still boring, and unlike wiser producers with more resources, believes the £18.99 budget is enough to make the "true story" of SAS selection, which obviously it gets wildly wrong in every way possible except for the fact that there are some hills. All topped off by the classic "well done you've passed, let's go to the pub, oh no our pub session has immediately been interrupted by an emergency CT callout!" finale, as seen in every straight-to-video movie and no CT callout ever, and an ending that makes you genuinely wonder if they just ran out of cash to recharge the camera battery.

Total balls from start to finish, you couldn't get a more efficient delivery of pure bullshit without hands on a cow's lower intestine, required viewing if you need to splutter and cough along with something to accompany your fine selection of possibly fatal pandemic symptoms.
 
A mention in passing for 'Attack on the Iron Coast' - a cheap-looking re-hash of the St Nazaire raid, filmed in St Katherine's Dock, London. I think I saw and enjoyed it as a child but it is now unwatchable.
'The Gift Horse' was an earlier and ok-ish version of the story, but surely the raid is worth a decent big screen version?
 
A mention in passing for 'Attack on the Iron Coast' - a cheap-looking re-hash of the St Nazaire raid, filmed in St Katherine's Dock, London. I think I saw and enjoyed it as a child but it is now unwatchable.

Lloyd Bridges is in that one if I recall.
 

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