WWFE (Worst War Film Ever)

Haven't a clue, but possibly both.... this was back in the mid 80s when they could do more or less what they liked at PD... and people still volunteered! Boy life in BAOR must have been dull for some people ;-)
 

Paoli

Old-Salt
"Appointment with Fire" was a classic!  The suspense was immense, far better than Blair Witch Project:

...he's filling a No.4 burner with fuel, oh, oh, he's split some, oh, now he's left a trail of petrol running from the burner back to the fuel store, he's looking for his matches...any minute now.........BOOM!  Aaargh! bloke runs around on fire for a bit.  Cut to next clip, he's filling something else with fuel, he's got an unlit fag in his mouth, reaches for his zippo...any minute now..etc. etc.

The other goody was the one with the bloke cutting a thunderflash in half then lighting the powder "to see if it burns".  Taken away swathed in flamazine and burns dressings in a 1960's ambulance as I recall.
 
If anyones seen HARTS WAR then you're know thats the worst war film ever made. Bruce Willis stars and the whole film is based in Prison.... Know one could ever compare this film with the almighty GREAT ESCAPE, which IS a true story. The plot to the story is crap... Bruce Willis is a COl in the US Army and is obviously in a German POW camp. 2 black AirForce officers arrive, one gets killed and the other framed for murder to a white man. A nice little mock court case appears between the prisoners and at the same time they are building a big hole. Bruce gets shot..end of the film. Pants
 
F

flash_to_bang

Guest
Could be an NI security film made 16 years ago in the Ashford Naafi-nobody noticed how all the "extras" were short haired 20 year olds and there were only 4 birds-quite a night - the producer threw an eppi on us so we walked out in protest at the lack of the promised free beer, the Provo Sgt got a shooing off a Para and one of the DS snotted a recruit which cost him his career!!!! oh yeah and the film was shite too
 

Lostnfound

Clanker
Tears of the Sun: it's pump. Bruce Willis as the oldest lootenant in the US army surrounded by a bunch of blokes you don't give two monkeys about and the improbably gorgeous Monica Belluci as the girl they have to save.

Apparently US airpower can be anywhere in the world within 2 minutes of being scrambled, US SF are impervious to bullets unless they're being tragically heroic and Willis and Belluci appear to fall in love in the last 5 minutes of the film, presumably in order to be able to get a shot of them in each others arms at the end.

all in all: PUMP
 

bubblehead

Old-Salt
Bravo Two Zero - Sean Bean is a cross dresser and because it's about the British SAS.
 
O

one_flew_over

Guest
I saw Gods and Generals in the states - long - the fecking cinema had to show it with an intermission! It is a good 1 1/2 hour film crammed into 4 hours!
 

Mr Happy

LE
Moderator
Tears of the sun, where all the yanks get shot at the end but they still manage to make it out alive (less one nominal sacrifice). Tough luck for the local civi's though.

It's bad, but BATTLEFIELD EARTH is the worst war movie ever. No doubts. Power up that 200 year old Harrier Mr You've never seen a plane before and go kick Alien butt. It's such a bad war movie it's hardly a war movie at all.

And Clear And Present Danger has got to be the worst book re-write I've ever seen in my life with not very special forces and awful angst moments..
 
Escape to athena is pretty s--t with loads of nazi's dessed up as astronaut launch crews, the delta force series was crud to.

also the monocoled mutineer, what a load of once sided tosh (RMP's were scary though)

but what about Charlotte Grey? I expected a very interesting film about SOE in France, undercover liviing, how to blow up a train etc and what did we get ? a bloody chick flick. as if someone as obviously screwed up as her would have got through selection?

Trotsky
 

Winger

Swinger
Among the Worst (briefly):
"Red Dawn" - overacting (the screwed up kid & Russian Para Colonel especially), jumpy cuts, stupid premise, no sex acts or naked girls, etc, etc.

Worst Line - The old rancher tells the Wolverines (a nasty creature, btw) that: (roughly) "They done hearda y'all over on "ta othah side". Come the spring, they goin' ta send some Green Berets in to hep yah."

My A-team (no - not those TV asses, uhm, arrses) and I saw this in a theater in Boise effing Idaho following the completion of a winter exercise. We were drinking beers, carried in our parka pockets as a warm up to a night out, "laying down a base of fire", we used to say.

Previously we had parachuted into a mountain meadow carrying every known bit of winter gear and over-the-snow transportation device known to man, and had pulled our ahkio sled so much we were beginning to raise our legs to pee on trees.

We were encouraged by the fact that someone thought we should only be deployed when the weather was warm.

Needless to say, it provided an endless source of amusement and digs that evening, and for some time to come.
 

bubblehead

Old-Salt
Okay, no one took the bait.

Crimson Tide - it pissed me off. So far removed of anything even approaching reality. Especially since the good folks from Touchstone pictures toured my ship (USS Ohio - identical to the USS Alabama) before the shoot. A sharp eye would reveal that the underwater sequences featured no less than three different subs to represent one.

The dog would have been lunch and so would the fish in the fish tank.
 

CombatBooBah

Old-Salt
i nominate a demo film I had to whatch once not only did it make playing with expolsives boring. It also showed how to blast a hole through a girder . charge went off bang Girder Failed to have hole in it instructor continued anyway :roll: could'nt the budget stretch to a few more pounds of PE.

Plus red cap even more crap than Ultimate farce
and the bbc drama about MPs hunting lesbians in the army (although it did have lesbo love scences so not all lost then)
only monkeys could have difficulty finding dykes in DPM :roll:
 

Brucefeller

Old-Salt
No doubt about it...........
On the first day of para trg, after they marched you past the mortuary at Abingdon, they showed a film which was supposed to let you know what would happen during the course. I'm certain the film was speeded up during the bit where the stick of jumpers came down; everyone looked like they were piling in at 50mph. Didn't half put the sh*ts up us.
 
I have to agree with an earlier post, Pearl Harbour was truly f**king God- awful with something in it to annoy everybody. RAF officer shown as pathetically grateful for Ben Affleck turning up and making then arse-clenchingly embarassing comments about how f**king marvelous the yanks were! Christ I was angry. I don't know whether the septics have for given the Japs for Pearl harbour but the bint I took to see it hasn't forgiven me! Complete ARSE!!!
 
On training films: how about SKC's (I think) "The Recce Patrol"?

Complete with Chomondley-Warner & Grayson voice over an absolute classic.

Officer preparing for patrol wearing shirt & tie under green combat kit who ties bits of string round his legs and any trailing edges of uniform so they don't rustle or catch on undergrowth...

Mind you forgive my ribbing of this film if use of string now part of SOPs- it's always hard to keep up with what DS are after (remember the great Orders Book vs waterproof paper in TAM debate ?)
 

Undertaker

Old-Salt
Has no one here seen Dog Soldiers? Its so bad that its good. I haven't laughed so much in ages. Civvies might find it good but there are so many obvious ccok ups that a squaddie can spot a mile off. One bloke runs around the whole time shouting "This is fcuking bone".....a cinematic classic!!

Watch out for the nice shiny blue civvy helecopter with the ARMY sticker on the side. They obviously couldn't afford a green one.
 

El_Pato

Old-Salt
I think some great injustices have been done in this Thread, I think Dog Soldiers was tongue in cheek and so fitted in perfectly.

But the real winner is definitely Pearl Harbour, got to be the most nominated film.

If we are going for films that don't relate to any sort of historical incident (and yes I know Pearl Harbour almost falls into this category) then the whole raft of late 70s to early 90s Israeli propaganda films have to fit in. They were a blatant attempt to educate the American public that Arabs were all mindless suicide bombers. All produced by some company called Golan Globus or some such.

I think the Delta force series may have been the tail end of them.
 

BFPO

Swinger
I would love to see a real film about the TA. It would be so sad as we could all see a load of wanna be soldiers who didn’t quite make through the Army careers office door and turn the cogs the correct way. Lads you really scare me, why if you lot are so passionate about being in green kit why do you insist on being the laughing stock of the forces? I love the old “we’re as good as you” argument well the fact is we laugh at you all and when we don’t we are either patronising you or we have been told to praise you. The TA are shat and with massive berets.
 
BFPO

Yeh your right, but can you do my civvi job as good as me?

I think not.

However, with a few hundred thousand pounds worth of training and about 5 years experience, if you are a quick learner I just may let you have a seat in my office until then stand to attention like a good soldier. You won't be patronised, or even laughed at because we as a company invest in our second most valuable assest, our people, the first being, of course our customer. Thank buggery I don't have the army and you with your monkey see monkey do attitude as a customer.

The territorial's cannot possibly be as good as our regular brethren as we do not have the investment, funding or the time to be as proficient as you.

nuff said
 

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