WWFE (Worst War Film Ever)

Pookie

Swinger
:(Groan, yes, it should have been on der bestest ever, like Welling beating Colchester 4 - 1 and scum bags getting beat by anybody.. humble (or Kumbly) perogies to all. A damn fine film, but would U run away from burning logs? Hmm sidestep,sidestep, join the AGC. whatever happened to Steve Reeves ;D
 
I

imported_admin

Guest
Not a war film, but it's got British soldiers in it.  "Dog Soldiers".  I went to see this last night and managed about 40 minutes.  Lets start at the beginning:

Hero fails SAS selection during an E&E ex for refusing to pointlessly shoot a dog (he's just done a bit of fighting so is establised as hard and decent)(takes out one of the unfortunate hunter force with a ninja throwing torch - a nice touch).  Head SAS bloke shoots dog anyway and hero declares his intention to exact revenge.

Hero rejoins Regiment and goes on exercise; a tough affair involving team whistling while patrolling and chatting round a campfire.  

Dead shredded cow lands on the campfire and causes a little debate.  Blood trail followed to dead shredded SAS blokes and one cas; the SAS dog executioner mentioned above.  SAS baddy looks as if he knows all about the monsters responsible and was investigating them without letting anyone else know.  Perhaps a potential weapon?  The sneaky baddy SAS.

Everyone runs away from sprinting shadowy dog things while firing in general dog direction with the dead SAS mens' weapons.  One bloke dies and good old Sarge gets his belly slashed and his guts fall out.  Random woman turns up in a Land Rover, everyone gets in, including the 2 cas (Sarge and SAS Baddy).  Amazingly they get stuck!  Dog thing jumps on roof, pokes his doggy arm through and gets knifed.  Not happy.  Everyone escapes.  

Baddy SAS bloke is clearly concerned about attempts to get away from area as these dog things are secret.  I am now deciding that I can see the rest of the plot and walk out.

In short:  Exceptionally S H I T.
 
maybe not a film but a TV program "Bloody Sunday".   Did anyone watch this piece of propaganda.  It must have been paid for by the Guardian or the Mirror. Ohh a bit bitter there, sorry
 
Shame you walked out Good CO, because the film just gets better and better , it's not meant to be taken seriously, and, if it makes you feel better, I'm sure the Dog Soldier team are supposed to be TA, as evidenced by Sean Pertwees comment."Before I left the regulars".......

Definately Alien II and Evil Dead influenced, let me finish it 4 u.....

Several people sell their lives dearly, one twist you could see coming, but opens the way for a sequel, and Mr. Hard but Decent, is hard but decent.

Funny thing though, the film-makers, absolutely refused to rip the piss out of the army, and whoever directed/advised on it, knows a thing or 2 about Squaddies......
 
I

imported_admin

Guest
Fair points all and I'm probably being too harsh.  (looks sheepish, but isn't about to rush out and buy the DVD).

(Was the selling lives bit a follow on from the tattoo in the gulf incident? I take it that SAS bloke and Mr Hard but decent have a set to?)
 
Mr.Hard but Decent, and Mr. PsuedoSaSNastyBastard have a proper set to, which forms the climax of the film (Quelle surprise) . It's funny, but I've never met a Sasser who was such a dyed-in-the-wool nutter......... ;D

Worth hiring on video GoodBoss, and I look forward to the sequel.....
 
Red Dawn has got to be contender.  The USA is invaded by the Cubans & their allies.  Heroic teenage school kids fight as a resistance movement.

I watched it in Leicester Square with some friends after a visit to the pub.  We found it a giggle a minute.  Much to the annoyance of two Yanks sitting misty eyed in the row in front.
 

Gash_Handlin

Old-Salt
all you 13 fools who voted for Who Dares Wins as the wwfe in the polls now have the chance to review the subject and change your minds, Its on BBC1 NOW!!!!

not much cop if youre reading this tomorrow mornin but at least I tried!! ;D
 
"Dogs of War" staring Christopher Walkin total Arrse. And not in a good way.
 
Not really a war film as such, but there were soldiery types involved in there......"Harry's Game".  Ropey script, unbelieveable plot, and the those "authentic" Norn Irish accents that make us genuine spud-munchers laugh!  Throw in thon wee girl from Clannad wailing over the top of it all, and what have ya got?  A classic!!
 

Paoli

Old-Salt
Surely it’s got to be “The Law of Armed Conflict”.  Random patrol of Woofers finds Imber village occupied by overacting pads’ wives and evil villains dressed for a Bond movie who give up at the first burst of jimpy fire.  Patrol immediately becomes the most unconvincing and well-disciplined bunch of rapists and pillagers in the history of warfare (“Oi, Smudger, give that walkman back right now!”).  Special mention must go to the platoon signaller caught turning his 9mm ammunition into dum-dums with an army clasp knife (“I’ve got to make sure I get the bastards first time”) – let’s face it, they’re more of a hazard to him than anyone else – and the sergeant/corporal who prevents the “rape scene” getting out of hand.  Actually, he was quite good, could be a bit of method acting there.

Anyway, it gets my vote, ‘cos, however, shite the rest of the nominations are, at least you don’t have to watch them every soddin’ year! (with the possible exception of Escape to Victory of Course).
 

Paoli

Old-Salt
Right, I think I've got the hang of this technology lark, so I'll try again:

Surely it's got to be "The Law of Armed Conflict".  Random patrol of Woofers finds Imber village occupied by overacting pads' wives and evil villains dressed for a Bond movie who give up at the first burst of jimpy fire.  Patrol immediately becomes the most unconvincing and well-disciplined bunch of rapists and pillagers in the history of warfare ("Oi, Smudger, give that walkman back right now!").  Special mention must go to the platoon signaller caught turning his 9mm ammunition into dum-dums with an army clasp knife ("I've got to make sure I get the bastards first time") - let's face it, they're more of a hazard to him than anyone else - and the sergeant/corporal who prevents the "rape scene" getting out of hand.  Actually, he was quite good, could be a bit of method acting there.

Anyway, it gets my vote, 'cos, however, shite the rest of the nominations are, at least you don't have to watch them every soddin' year! (with the possible exception of Escape to Victory of Course).

I think it bears repetition.

P.S. If anyone out there is in the right department for this sort of thing, could we have a new film please?
 

Vermin

Old-Salt
Haven't seen that for years but you've fanastic discription bought it all flooding back. As Jonathon Ross would have said "A twuley widiculous wartime dwama, lacking wealism, even the won womance scene was without weeality" (No offence JR, I know your libel lawyer has a bigger wig than my libel....etc etc)

Best line of the film, "why are you treating him he's an enemy soldier".............Christ! It was like pulling teeth! More corn than the Mid-West! ;D ;D

P.S. I second the motion, new film please!
 

OldSnowy

LE
Book Reviewer
Vermin -
You're right about the film - and, of course, as you could probably be prosecuted for most of the infractions shown, you should know...

Anyway, a new one will be needed to show what to do when the International War Crimes Tribunal arrest us for the evil acts of killing foreigners.
 

Paoli

Old-Salt
Best line of the film, "why are you treating him he's an enemy soldier".............

God, I'd forgotton that one!  Awful, truly awful!
 
I think that the film is so bad that it's brilliant! Bad acting, bad location, bad story line, nowhere near reality..... could have been made in Hollywood (and I don't mean just outside Belfast!)!!

What happend to the other annual SKC/SSVC classics? I think I must have seen "An Appointment with Fire" more times than the Great Escape.

Having said that, even the new SSVC films are bad. Anyone seen "AFV Safety"? Talk about cardboard acting, and what is that woman doing talking about AFVs? She looks like she's never even seen one before. Totally Bizarre!
 

OldSnowy

LE
Book Reviewer
The NBC film showing the effects of 'incapacitating agents' which involves loads of giggling soldiers trying to load a Stalwart and collapsing in a happy heap.  It probably lured more soldiers into trying LSD than anything else!
 
It was also responsible for getting several people I know to volunteer for applying for a paid holiday at Porton Down too..... they never got any LSD though  ;)
 

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