WTF was that??

On Tuesday I took advantage of being between engagements and went to shoot some golf. As I stood watching my buddy drive off, a long black flying thing with FO big teeth bit my elbow. It hurt as it bit, then a curious numbness overtook the area of the bite. The insect was about an inch long, with wings and evil, demented, eyes! It looked like David Milliband, only more sentient.

I twatted it and carried on but by nightfall my arm had swollen to about twice it's normal size and I could hardly bend the elbow. Two days later, after piriton, the swelling is subsiding but the red inflamed thing is ongoing, though it has retreated up/down the arm back to the original site. What was particularly vile was when I did force the arm to bend yesterday morning, clear pussy stuff came out of the twin bite wounds. Lots of it. Which was cool.

Now what in the name of bejasus was it? I've tried Google and I know it wasn't a "cleg" or horsefly. Any entymologists in tonight??
Cuddles said:
I **** it
You ****ed it? What, right there on the fairway?

Have they thrown you out of the golf club yet?

I hope you videoed yourself doing the deed.
Bad news Cuddles old chap. Sounds a bit like one of these beggers.

Tsetse Flies

Tsetse flies can be anything from 7 to 15mm long. They are sturdy flies not unlike houseflies and they have a painful bite. They spread the disease known as sleeping sickness (Trypanosomiasis) which is caused by a single celled motile organism. The disease is serious and sometimes fatal and is difficult to treat. There is no vaccine available. Sleeping sickness is thought to be present in 36 countries of sub-Saharan Africa.

Tsetse flies require shade and humidity and tend to occur along rivers and lake shores in association with game animals. They are attracted to the scent of animals, movement and bright colours.
No I think you are a ware fly! Do you wake up with your feet and hands covered in sh1te and vomit on your face, are you arms tired like after a really bad day on the weights almost like you have been flapping them all night. Do you find large piles of regurgitated food at the side of your bed? I think ware flyisum could be more prevalent amongst arrse users than you think.
Have parts of your body started dropping off? Do you have cravings for sugary foods?

Congratulations, you'll soon be starting a new life as Brundlefly.
Well I might have guessed I would get the usual helpful responses! However I am still intrigued as to what this fecking thing was. I am in no hurry to meet it's NOK that is for sure!
Are you in the UK?
It always amazes me when people ask an internet forum for advice rather than go to the hospital. You could have any number of diseases.
You were amazed that someone has asked a question on the Internet? It amazes me that people are amazed so easily, do you say things are awesome as well?

As for the diseases cuddles has, I bet he didn't get any from the 'thing', in fact he probably gave it some himself before he sent it to its maker!!
Cuddles said:
clear pussy stuff came out of the twin bite wounds. Lots of it. Which was cool.
Cool, indeed! I often wished I had a pussy on my elbow. Just think of the challenge!

Of course, you can console yourself with the fact that The Fenian Widow will not lack for 'consolation'.

Out of interest, how much are you insured for? Just... curious, is all.
Odus said:
It always amazes me when people ask an internet forum for advice rather than go to the hospital. You could have any number of diseases.
Nothing I didn't have beforehand...

I am indeed more than adequately insured SAC but I have a "nothing goes to SAC" clause, which from the way you are obviously thinking was sound tactical prescience!

Yes, I am in UK. Which makes it even more alarming. This morning the swelling has reduced and the red streaks on the skin have gone - except around the two punctures.

However I have indeed started to throw up on my breakfast before eating it...I also keep walking into the light fittings.
cuddles I bet you after happy hour tonight you eat sh1te kebab or some like then have the urge to regurgitate it , you are so dead man do you know the life expectancy of a fly.
If I book a "pro", it will not be a golf professional...
Sounds like the same weird ass bug I saw the other day. I let it sit on my hand so i could look at it then it flew off and bit my mate (lol) and he said it hurt like shit. Was long and thin kind of like a dragon fly but with tiny wings and really strange red eyes and long antennae?


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