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"WTF? I never would have expected to hear that" and other stories that have shocked you.

The terminology is a bit mixed up.

Indeed “crimping off a length” can mean to have a shit. But more commonly “crimping” or to “crimp” means to have a quick nap e.g:

“Where’s Smudge?”

“Oh he had a heavy night last night and is crimped in the mess.”*

The term for shitting in your pit is to “grand slam.”

*Worth pointing out that crimping in the mess usually results in waking up with a penis drawn on your head in black sharpie.

That was the term used in the programme. I thought that to Grand Slam was to piss, shit, and vomit all at the same time?

Morning @Yokel,
You might have gone to school with this guy.View attachment 664168

WTF! The line from Bottom Live 2 comes to mind - There's nothing quite like a shitty cup of tea.

Anyway, my brother works on sites and since he takes a dump about twenty times a day he was to improvise - bucket, carrier bag, newspaper etc. One day he was being responsible and put a carrier bag full of shit and soiled paper in the back of the work truck and drove back to the yard. He got to the yard and started to unload, but the offending bag had blown away. Someone had a shit surprise.
 
Is 'doing an Amber' going to be a new euphemism for defecation in bed? 'Amber Heard seems to rhyme suitably.

But why do people seem to enjoy crapping in odd places? When I was at school I looked in one of the cupboards in the Home Economics classroom to get something, and was appalled to find a turd in a kettle. Why? Just why?
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..... Doing a Bobby Sands was a euphemism for a similar, eventually shorted to doing a 'Bobby' (jobby) in the barrack room or effectively allowing your pit space to a resemble Long Kesh renaissance cell.
 
A few years ago, wasn't there an Army-Day public display in some South American country where the display included this sort of thing ? The strop snapped. All killed IIRC.

ETA: It was Colombia and the blokes on the line were pulling a huge Colombian flag, which might have led to an increase in the stresses and strains on the cable.

 
A family title my brother still holds after a BBQ some 30years ago.
My mother generously put it down to "something he ate"
Not the copious alcoholic his pathetic body couldn't handle.
Or as my Mam diplomatically put to guests after a family BBQ, @JAD has had a bit too much sun and has gone for nap. Obviously I heard this through a 3rd party on account of my delicate state and was otherwise engaged, talking to God on the big white porcelain telephone.
 
Is 'doing an Amber' going to be a new euphemism for defecation in bed? 'Amber Heard seems to rhyme suitably.

But why do people seem to enjoy crapping in odd places? When I was at school I looked in one of the cupboards in the Home Economics classroom to get something, and was appalled to find a turd in a kettle. Why? Just why?
In one assembly at senior school, all the boys were told to wait behind after it had finished. The deputy head 'Donkey' (Mr. Doncaster, not his build), announced that some boy had 'done his business' in the gym showers. He appealed to the perpetrator to come forward and explain himself, like that was going to happen.
This was years before 'Life of Brian', but the sniggering, snorting and in the end open guffawing, to his attempts could have been the background to the Biggus Dickus scene.
According to the PE teacher, it was a gargantuan effort.
 
I dunno. If you think about your average day and what would happen if you acted on every impulsive thought you had you'd probably be guilty of multiple murders, rapes and thefts. That's before you even got to any deliberate crimes. All that is preventing that is your rational mind saying "Hang on a moment, that's not worth the consequences".

It wouldn't take much for any of us to be one of those stories, given the right provocation and situation.

Speak for yourself mate, i've never had the impulse to rape anyone
 
Ask @Ravers or @Jimmy_Green about crimping tales. There was a 'Phantom Shitter' in the film Flight Of The Intruder. I also remember an episode of Kavanaugh QC when the Prosecuting Counsel had to explain what "crimped off a length in his steaming bats" meant.

Back in the early '90s there was a bit of a craze of big, furry slippers. You know the sort, animals and animal paws and stuff like that. One of the lads in the mess bought a pair and left them loafing only to come back to find someone had crimped one off in them.

As @Ravers says, in the RN 'crimp' also means to sleep, so it's always used in context. This term comes from the age of sail where a crimp was someone who would drug a seafarer's ale in order to add them to a ship's crew. It was during the time of the sea-otter fur trade where the furs were traded to China. The destination in China was Shanghai but it was a destination nobody wanted to go to so it was always difficult to find willing crew members hence the drugging and the sailor waking up on board a ship already outward bound. The person it happened to had been 'crimped' or Shanghaied'.

Of crimes and shanghaied sailors

Shanghaiing or crimping is the practice of kidnapping people to serve as sailors by coercive techniques such as trickery, intimidation, or violence. Those engaged in this form of kidnapping were known as crimps

There is an old capstan shanty, known variously as Larry Marr or The Big 5 Gallon Jar, which tells the tale of a crimp by the name of Larry Marr who keeps a jar of drugged ale with which to Shanghai unwary sailors.

Stan Hugill, a shantyman during the last days of sail, gives a good explanation of Shanghaiing in the first 4 minutes at the beginning of this album of sea shanties that he made.



Also, as @Yokel says, a 'grand slam' is to piss, shit and vomit at the same time. A friend may have done that a couple of times when I he had partaken in a little too much refreshment during a run ashore or two.
 
And one of the most frustrating things with male suicide rates is that so much of it could be prevented if men were prepared to discuss their feelings. I ain't suggesting that blokes should start reaching out to some hairy mary, liberal, social worker type of doris. But maybe another bloke that they trust. Or even a complete stranger if that helps. But far too many men won't ask for help. I was guilty of this myself when I split up with the ex wife.
Andy's Mans Club. Andys Man Club | #ITSOKAYTOTALK | This amazing organisation has grown very quickly into a network of groups across the UK. Anyone needing a safe space to talk and share would benefit from attending one of the groups.
 
That was the term used in the programme. I thought that to Grand Slam was to piss, shit, and vomit all at the same time?



WTF! The line from Bottom Live 2 comes to mind - There's nothing quite like a shitty cup of tea.

Anyway, my brother works on sites and since he takes a dump about twenty times a day he was to improvise - bucket, carrier bag, newspaper etc. One day he was being responsible and put a carrier bag full of shit and soiled paper in the back of the work truck and drove back to the yard. He got to the yard and started to unload, but the offending bag had blown away. Someone had a shit surprise.
When I worked in a large US corporate 20 years ago, the American arm was agog with the story of the phantom crapper.

Every Friday afternoon at the same time a horrible smell would emerge from the toilets. Someone had sharted all over not just the loo but even the wall as well.

The theory was it was a software developer, who got so engrossed in his work he held it all day until it had to come out by pressure alone.
 
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