Write the story

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cutaway, Aug 25, 2005.

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  1. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Bill Gates, being a complete cnut, keeps sending me e-mails.
    I received one a couple of days back entitled: "Can you solve the Kitty Caper mystery?"
    Not the most gripping of titles, but I checked it out to see if they were sending me truckloads of free inflatable Angelina Jolie models.
    Unfortunately it turns out to be something altogether more mundane, a fecking virtual murder mystery weekend.

    I have enough bloody mysteries in my life, perhaps another arrser can write a better synopsis of the story, I have highlighted the relevant gen in bold:

     
  2. The carrot is up the dowager's chuff and the (declawed) hamster's in her arse
     
  3. This is obviously a poorly timed reference to the Newchurch guinea pig farm situation. The dowager is distraught because her sister's remains have been exhumed by the ALF and all the police can do is offer her a crime number. The guinea pigs - self-explanatory. The carrot is the only clue, dropped from an animal rights demonstrator's lunch box (oo-er missus). MS should be ashamed of themselves but then Seattle is full of soap-dodging tree huggers in any case...Gates is obviously anti-fox hunting, look at his wife!
     
  4. Having just sodomised the old duke to death with an unfeasably large carrot in the vain hope of getting some cash before the old b@st@rd changed his will, the dowager was distraught to see that Muff and Duff, their pet guinea pigs witnessed the whole thing. Such witnesses had to disappear since they were likely to talk under severe torture down the local copshop. To cheer herself up, she roasted the little büggers, stuffing each with half of said unfeasably large carrot......