• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

Would it be cheaper.....

Which one is cheaper?

  • 8 years inside....

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Divorce...

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
#2
Are we talking bigamy here? If we are, when you come out you'll still be married to the first one. Have you considered murder? There must be someone on the site who will be up for it.
 
#3
Murder?? Good God no....

Was thinking more along the lines of a hair-dryer accident in the bath, modified ignition circuit/fuel tank vapours etc....

Bigamy?

Horrific thought. Being manicled to one is bad enough - Monkey put finger in flame, Monkey got finger burnt...

Defo not going there twice....

Would a B&Q 10m extension reel in the bathroom look too sus?
 

Command_doh

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
What about 'accidentally' slashing the throat of your significant other with a handy kukri, claiming you thought he/she was a 'big black ghost'? I hear thats fine, you can be a temporary mentalalist with no bother and you are found not guilty. Sorted.

Anyway...8 years? Thats 1.5 years and a tag in real money.
 

napier

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
#8
Told my OH that if we ever divorced she'd end up under the patio. Realise now that telling her was a bad idea as it blows my 'crime of passion/PTSD' defence out of the window. Still, better to be tried by 12 than fleeced by 1.
 
#9
Look on the bright side, if you get divorced, you'll get to keep half your money: instead of the pittance she lets you have now...

Hope this helps?
 
#10
brummieboy1 said:
Are we talking bigamy here? If we are, when you come out you'll still be married to the first one. Have you considered murder? There must be someone on the site who will be up for it.
Bigamy???

No way, punishment is too severe.

More than one mother-in-law.

Couldn't even contemplate it.
 

CountryGal

MIA
Book Reviewer
#11
General_Layabout said:
brummieboy1 said:
Are we talking bigamy here? If we are, when you come out you'll still be married to the first one. Have you considered murder? There must be someone on the site who will be up for it.
Bigamy???

No way, punishment is too severe.

More than one mother-in-law.

Couldn't even contemplate it.
LMAO!
 
#12
Divorce is quicker, but the paperwork alone makes one yearn for a quiet stretch with Sky TV, some good books, 3 square meals a day and a room all to one's self, or indeed, a friendly butch companion who's got your back as long as you service him/her twice a week.
 
#13
LEFTY478 said:
Look on the bright side, if you get divorced, you'll get to keep half your money: instead of the pittance she lets you have now...

Hope this helps?
Half? My God, I never thought she'd possibly settle for so little!
 
#14
Command_doh said:
What about 'accidentally' slashing the throat of your significant other with a handy kukri, claiming you thought he/she was a 'big black ghost'? I hear thats fine, you can be a temporary mentalalist with no bother and you are found not guilty. Sorted.

Anyway...8 years? Thats 1.5 years and a tag in real money.
Not far off the mark mate, A few years back a plods bint near Preston "topped" herself with a hedge trimmer another case for the tin-foil hat team?
 
#15
napier said:
Told my OH that if we ever divorced she'd end up under the patio. Realise now that telling her was a bad idea as it blows my 'crime of passion/PTSD' defence out of the window. Still, better to be tried by 12 than fleeced by 1.
but if she "suddenly and mysteriously vanishes", about the same time as you do some home improvements how will she be able to tell anyone that you ever mentioned putting her under the patio in the first place?
 
#16
napier said:
Told my OH that if we ever divorced she'd end up under the patio. Realise now that telling her was a bad idea as it blows my 'crime of passion/PTSD' defence out of the window. Still, better to be tried by 12 than fleeced by 1.
How's she going to tell TOB if she's busy inspecting foundations?

Enquiring mind and all that.
 
#18
Shagging would be an option but even the most desperate from 3 Para Mortars wouldn't touch her - think of Jabba the Hut in a split-crotch panty set and peep-hole bra - then lower your expectations and you'd be getting close.

Before someone points out the obvious "Why?" in the "Do you take this Munters Dog..." all I can offer by way of a defence is at the time I thought it seemed like a good idea - and she *was* a size 8, 34DD and blond.

Now, it's a size 20, 38E and eats 11lbs of boiled meat & rice a day.

With facial hair.

And scary.
 
#19
blind_monkey said:
Murder?? Good God no....

Was thinking more along the lines of a hair-dryer accident in the bath, modified ignition circuit/fuel tank vapours etc....

Bigamy?

Horrific thought. Being manicled to one is bad enough - Monkey put finger in flame, Monkey got finger burnt...

Defo not going there twice....

Would a B&Q 10m extension reel in the bathroom look too sus?
How deep is you fcuking bath?
 
#20
Social_Handgrenade said:
blind_monkey said:
Murder?? Good God no....

Was thinking more along the lines of a hair-dryer accident in the bath, modified ignition circuit/fuel tank vapours etc....

Bigamy?

Horrific thought. Being manicled to one is bad enough - Monkey put finger in flame, Monkey got finger burnt...

Defo not going there twice....

Would a B&Q 10m extension reel in the bathroom look too sus?
How deep is you fcuking bath?
Good point....but I was thinking more along the lines of....

"...but Officer, whilst trying to dry her hair after de-lousing herself, she became entangled in the extension lead I'd run upstairs from the 36amp Cooker Socket, as (on the trial runs the test hair-dryers kept tripping the 13amp RCD) there was a problem with our wiring in general and she kept complaining her hair-dryer wasn't running hot enough. As she stumbled down two stairs, through two adjacent doors and despite my (woefully quiet) shouts of caution, she slipped on the engine oil I'd just spilt on the bathroom floor I was trying to illegally dispose of down the khazi, tumbled into the bath full of Radox laden (12lbs of salt to increase conductivity) hot water and, clutching the still running hair-dryer vanished from my heart broken view. I ran next door to consult my friends First Aid manual to see what the correct procedure was for electrocution but by the time I ran back to help, it would appear she had expired......."

I think that might just cover it off?

Beyond Reasonable Doubt??

I'd acquit....
 

Latest Threads

New Posts