Worst place to take a dump?

In an attempt to lower the tone of the NAAFI back down to base level....

Whilst on exercise in Germany in the mid eighties, the squadron was on the move across Soltau training area in our armoured vehicles, then came reports of one of the sections was debussing and puking around the back of the panzer, turns out the section commander had decided he couldn't wait for the troop to stop and had decided to sh1t in a crisp bag!

Well anyone who's been in the back of a 432 going across Soltau can imagine the mess! and feckin smell! It had gone everywhere by all reports.

Anyone else been caught out?
Many a time, but the best of the lot was just after leaving the regs;

Had a job as a driver's mate for a furniture coy - won't say who for.

Middle of London 0815 on a Saturday, felt the stomach Smurffs starting a little trampoline action, no problem I thought to myself, wait til 0900 for the first delivery, ask the customer if I can make a deposit - No dramas!

0816 - DRAMA -Brown alert!!!

Hobbled round to the back of the truck, hauled my fat R's over the tail lift, rolled out the racing section of the Saturday Express and dropped a turd that could have made a shire horse blush!

Wrapped up said parcel and left outside a house for the local bin men to dispatch - Sorry bin men!

Got caught out once and had to look for a suitable depository.. was in a factory/showroom and I hurried down corridors looking for a loo.. found a room marked Private/Employees Only..cracked the door and there was a porcelain throne.. dropped trousers and releived self..as I sat there had a bit of a look about.. wondered why there was no washup sink...no afterpaper..nothing..only thing around to use as wipe turned out to be a roll of bubble wrap..

After rearranging the tackle suddenly realized the commode wasn't attached to anything..no water/no flushie.. the privvie was for display only..snuck out right quick, though I like to think I added a spot of verisimilitude to the sale display...

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