Worst jobs you had before joining HM forces

#1
Am applying for the army, but its takin fackin ages and im unemployed and am leeching off the old dear who has money problems enough without me so ive been forced to look for a job. One of the reasons i decided to join the british army was because i wanted a proud job, because i wanted to be one of the worlds best soldiers, for something above average and so that i wouldnt need some sh!tty common job. And now because it takes so long to get in (Not as simple as signing the dotted line anymore) im having to don shirt and tie, to write up a new CV, to shave, do my hair and go into Mc-fcking-donalds tomorrow for an interview and show them how enthusiastic i am about flipping burgers and bieng part of the grease-team.
Needless to say im feeling a little bitter, after a year of training to get my fitness up, after passing my selection, all 3 interviews, medical, physical, barb test, ETC ETC im STILL bieng forced to flip bloody quarter pounders in mcdonalds.

SO i was hoping some of you could put down a few of your own worst jobs, therefore making me feel better about my soon-to-be humiliating job. Could be a laugh aswell, was definately a laugh hearing about moody's professional rimming job. :D
 
#3
I had to rip the guts out of turkeys through their arrses. and then break their backs when I worked in the turkey factory.
 
#4
My mate works in the waste industry he knows a feall (and has seen him at work) who basicly sands in a sewer and scrapes the mesh clean of sh1tty nappies/tights/sany pads and other disgusting things that end up in the sewage system before it goes into the "farm" he always thinks of this fella when he's having a crap day at work. Most bone job I had was working on a production line making keyboards for IBM when I was emplyed at Fullerton fabrications or FCI as it was known locally fcukwits,criminal&idiots :twisted:
 
#5
I worked in a rather plush hotel once, pity about the illustrious position of sink technician :oops: .

We started at 5pm and were supposed to finish at 2am. Our next shift started at 7am the next day. However due to people taking sickies etc we often worked through the night and through the next day until 4pm :cry: .

Eating boil in the bag laced with sand does not seem to bad when i compare the two! 8O
 
#7
Fluffer for the "Old McDonald Had A Farm" series of "adult" films.
 
#10
Womble tamer, Sir i salute your bravery and courage. Heard of fellows like you, but thought you were an urban myth, wombles can be so dangerous. Again the nations thanks, otherwise we would be overrun with the buggers.
 
#11
worked as pan bash in a big restaurant on a weekend to bring in extra cash, not good.
 
#12
Labourer on a building site. If you have not tried to keep two brickies in bricks and muck, you haven't seen prima donnas. The bricks have to be stacked exactly so in the exact spot they want them. They take one of your precious bricks and trowel it in half. The dropped half has to be collected up but cannot be put in front of the craftsman so save himbreaking others. Tea to be brewed in industrial strength and quantity. Bets to be placed. It was a run from start to finish just to try and get ahead. I had it worse I suppose as I was the boss's son and was doing it to earn quite good money to entertain forerunners of today's Essex Girls.
 
#14
I was a croupier... dealing cards and roulette all night long!
Started at 1700 and finished at 0500 the next morning... What a bone job that was!!!!
 
#15
Aunty Stella said:
Womble tamer
Thats amazing auntie, I used to be a fluffer for the wobles porn industry. Has anyone seen the classic, Tracy takes Wibledon Common. It all my own work! That Orinoco was hard work he was! The things you do for money when you're young and desperate!

 
#16
I was a hospital porter ... and a STAB officer.
 
G

Goku

Guest
#17
I was a cleaner in a low grade mental asylum :D
I had the pleasure of picking poo off the floor, wiping drool from the tables, and vacuuming around mongs as they rolled around on the floor mlaarrring.

I was entertained by an incontinent transsexual, an obsessive compulsive, drooling catatonics, and a nice lady who used to talk to little men in the electrical sockets :D
 
#18
I worked for a general building and cleaning company called 'HydroJet'. The job was supposed to turn me into a brickie (which it did eventually), but I spent a lot of my time working for the cleaning section which was undermanned. This involved me putting on some waders, waterproofs and an air-mask and going into cesspits and jet-cleaning them.

The crusted sh1t used to fly everywhere, and even with the mask the smell was bad. Damn fine wage though: 24quid an hour for an 18year old aint bad. :)
 
#19
Enough Already!

All this talk of Wombles is bringing back painful memories. I lost my virginity to an older girl called Womble... or should I say I had it taken. I traipsed around (not Wimbledon Common) after her for weeks, trying to get a re-run, but she wasn't interested. In the end... at my very lowest... I finally got her mate to tell me why she was called Womble... Answer: because she picks up rubbish :cry:
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Best Job ever.... the same... wobbly legs, the works.
 
#20
I used to be a leading figure in the highly lucrative but also highly illegal / underground world of womble-baiting.

I now have my own stable of wombles who I train to fight. - The buggers have very sharp claws! The fangs can be lethal but are easily sorted with a pair of pliers!!!

Let me know if you want to go on the mailing list - next fight is the last weekend in July, in the old factory in Bermondsey!!!
 

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