Army Rumour Service

Register a free account today to join our community
Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site, connect with other members through your own private inbox and will receive smaller adverts!

Worst Hotel in the World

Brittania Hotel Birmingham

Horrible on every level. In, out and en route elsewhere within 15 minutes
Famous as one of the worst Britannias in Britania land. They got a warning as well because the tarts using the rooms were not only trafficked but underage too.
 
Famous as one of the worst Britannias in Britania land. They got a warning as well because the tarts using the rooms were not only trafficked but underage too.
I've a vague recollection that the Manchester one is known for swingers parties. Which might explain the state of the mattresses and carpets.
 
New Dawn hotel in Bayswater. I was there on a snowy evening. Arrived late on as I travel from the north east. No heating. Window would not shut. Complained to no effect. Actually got snow on the bed! Put a tesco bag on the window to stop it. During the night there was a drugs bust and some hairy arsed coppers brayed on the door. I explained and they were quite reasonable but suggested I leave as soon as I could. I could not agree more. I refused to pay the next morning and the manager got aggressive. I just dialled 999. He stopped me and just asked me to leave before I got to the call. Good thing too.
 
Britannia Portland St Manchester? I dont mind it. Me and my step son stay there. One abiding memory is a very tall transvestite with unfeasibly long eyelashes and shoes splayed out on the staircase having his photo taken.
 
There was a hotel in Chirundu in Zimbabwe, had a look on google and it’s gone.
Back in the day it was a dump but they had a swimming pool . Where they had the warning sign.

”Beware, Elephants will come up to the pool to drink, the management takes no responsability for any Elephant induced injuries “
 
When I first arrived in Phnom Penh I followed the advice of the Lonely Planet:

“When travelling around the city it’s best to always use the same mototaxi as he will actually know where your hotel is”.

While this is true it’s still pretty dodgy advice.*

In those days the restaurant district was on the river bank, about 2 km from the hotel. On returning to the hotel on the 3rd or 4th night, my moto driver thought he saw a business opportunity:

“So, Mr Bob, you want girl tonight?”

“Er no thanks...”

Without missing a beat he said:

“Oh, so you want boy?”

He was a bit surprised when I turned down this offer too. I’m just glad that the ride ended before he could start going down the list of farmyard animals.

I later learned that in that part of the world, it was considered SOP for a local man who found himself away from home to immediately avail himself of the local amenities**.

* it’s dodgy advice for many reasons. These days the mototaxi has been replace by the Tuktuk, a veritable scourge on the surface of the earth. All Tuktuk drivers are waiting for the big score from a foreigner and since a - now deceased - British artist built one of them a ******* house (true dit that), a dollar tip is now met with a degree of surly derision previously only ever achieved by a Venetian waiter.

** indeed it’s not uncommon for hotel concierges in that part of the world to send a girl up to the room ‘on spec’ just in case. There was a bar near the Intercontinental where a pool of girls were maintained for this very purpose. Like a minicab office.

Asking the duty manager, “Can I have an extra pillow
“also works if you want some night time company , or so I have been told.
 
Wait! I think I’ve just recovered a repressed memory… :oops:

*wibbly wobbly effect*

Many years ago, driving south to civilisation with my girlfriend of the time – she was a lot younger than me; in her late teens (although she looked deceptively innocent). It was evening, and I decided to break the journey; coming off the motorway at the next exit.

On the road into town we spot a B&B, or similar, with vacancies. That’ll do. We’re greeted with what seems for some reason like hostility from the owner(?) as she looks up and down my magnificent bronzed countenance (recently back from the WSBA), and past my slightly nervous girlfriend to my flash car.

I’m asked how long I want, and naively assume she means days (“Just tonight, please”). We’re shown to our ‘room’ which looks like one of a couple of converted garages behind the house itself, and instructed to head back to the front-door to pay up.

The accommodation appears to have been built and furnished in the early Seventies and not touched since – orange and brown the dominant colours. There’s a massive mirror on the wall opposite the (saggy) double-bed, which is a bit odd, but...

I’m exhausted, so hand the GF a wedge of notes to settle-up. She comes back looking a bit confused. Apparently the owner had kept asking her if she was alright, and if there was anything she could do for her.

After making good use of the mirror we grab some sleep, and decide to head-off first thing. With a load of newly acquired flea-bites as it happens.






...And that’s how, in 2001, I came to have shagged a teenager in a dodgy hotel in Rotherham, Your Honour!
 
Britannia Portland St Manchester? I dont mind it. Me and my step son stay there. One abiding memory is a very tall transvestite with unfeasibly long eyelashes and shoes splayed out on the staircase having his photo taken.
you should have stopped and said hallo !!
 
I'd just gone self employed and was watching the pennies. Was sent to Glasgow for a week to help out.
I found a little hotel in Pollockshields, £21 for bed and breakfast. Tidy!

Got myself squared away and noticed that the door had three big locks on it. I didn't think much about that at the time.
Breakfast arrived at my door at 0730. It was a small paper bag that contained a variety pack box of cornflakes, a half pint of milk and two Bourbon biscuits. I've had a lot worse.
My nights were often punctuated by shouts and occasional screams, but I'd never been to Glasgow before and so thought that it might be normal behaviour.

On night 3, I popped out for a pint and got chatting to a local.

'Hoots mon, where aboots are you staying?'

'Just around the corner, in so and so hotel' I replied.

'Crivens! Don't be staying there, ''tis full of the druggies and jakies that Glasgae council haven't found homes for yet'

Edit - it was in the Glasgow Times recently -At a public meeting, community members described the stress caused by the Queen's Park Hotel as well as their fears for the people living in the building.

Locals told of being harassed and threatened by residents of the hotel as well as drug paraphernalia littering the street, vandalism, anti-social behaviour, rubbish and theft.
Glasgow City Council pays £350 per week to house a person in the Queen's Park Hotel, which has 58 rooms that can generate more than one million pounds per year for its owners.
 
Last edited:
German review of the Norbreck:

Das Frühstücksbüffet erinnert ans Militär - man sucht sich zuerst einen Tisch, dann stellt man sich an während alle drängeln und sich über den kalten Speck und die Würstchen hermachen. Das Zimmer, das ich bekam, hatte zwar neue Möbel, war aber trotzdem altmodisch und dreckig. Freuen Sie sich nicht zu sehr auf den alten Whirlpool, der angepriesen wird; ehrlich gesagt kann man mehr Blasen kreieren wenn man die kalten weißen Bohnen in Tomatensoße (Baked Beans) beim Frühstück isst.
 
When we go down to our house in the Charente, we usually break the journey in Rennes, which is almost exactly halfway from Dieppe. We usually stay in the Hotel-BB at Cessone (east of the city) but, coming back on one occasion, I decided to stop at the one in Chantepie on the south edge for no better reason than it was closer to the ringroad for a quick getaway the following morning. I should have been warned by the (for want of a better word) ethnics hanging about on the outside staircase but we settled down in the room until there was a screaming from across the corridor. Despite madame mnairbs pleading, I got dressed and went out to see what was going on. Cue receptionist and two strapping Gendarmes breaking into one of the rooms where a bloke was beating sh1t out of his girlfriend. Vowed never to stay there again.

A couple of years later, usual hotel fully booked so went to Chantepie again. SWMBO has lymphodaema from having breast cancer years ago, which makes her susceptible to insect bites. Got bitten on the way down, arm starts swelling up. 2am in the hotel, she's fretting about her arm so I get out of bed onto a floor with about an inch of water sloshing around. What the eff? I spilt my glass of water she says. Wide awake now, I realise that with the amount of water flooding the room, she must have emptied the contents of a water bowser on the floor, let alone a glassful. Tracked it down to the toilet cistern leaking (badly). Reception closed, only a contact phone - called the manager out. 3am he rolls up 'strange, it's never done that before' he said, wading ankle deep in water. Madame mnairb by now is, shall we say, extremely distressed, with her arm swelled to twice it's size, so I asked the manager where the nearest A&E was - 'Junction 16 on the ringroad', trogs out there following the Urgences signs to a hospital in almost complete darkness. Spoke to security and found it was A&E for maternity and paediatrics - normal A&E the other side of the city. Got her in there amongst the battered and bruised clientele and they kept her in for a couple of days. Vowed (again) never to stay there again, but at least the manager was decent, refunded my money and gave me a voucher for a free night at another Hotel-BB.

One of the posts was about almost being electricuted? Wiring in the rooms in the Silk Queen Grand Hotel in Hanoi:
DSCN2925.JPG

Went on to Hailong Bay for a few days, staying at the same hotel on return and demanded a different room - the wiring was exactly the same!

The taxi drivers throughout the far east seem to have this idea that you want a jump as soon as you land. Flew into KL a number of years ago having taken full advantage of Malaysian Airlines very generous Business Class service and all I wanted to do was shower and pour myself into bed. On the short drive from the airport I was offered the full range of services, fortunately getting to the hotel before he could move on to the 4 legged kind.
 

New posts

Top