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Worst Hotel in the World

@CaptainRidiculous will probably know the place. The F1 in Cape Town near the airport. It's a kind of modular plastic type place and reasonably cheap. Used to fly night freight down there with stops in Durban, PE and East London, and spend the day in CT sleeping, have dinner then back to the airport for the return to JNB the following night.

Anyhow, it was bloody difficult trying to sleep there due to the local hookers bringing their clients in for a couple of hours and throwing them around the room. Quite a bit of screaming at times and the apres shagging get togethers in the corridors got noisy as hell. Told them to fuck off a few times and they'd slink off but the next time the same old shit. The return flight was fuelled by four litres of Coke for the caffeine content to keep me awake as the other bloke would pass out immediately we got airborne and I'd wake him when we started the descents into our destinations.
 
Had to stay with a few Japanese clients at the only decent hotel in Basra a couple of years back. Wasn't actually too bad for what you would expect. Finding a cleaner sleeping on my bed was a surprise though. My terp said it was pretty common the cleaners would get their heads down in your room with the aircon if they thought you had gone out all day.
 
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Lacking Moral Fibre

War Hero
Book Reviewer
Regarding the Union Jack Club, I've only stayed there once about 15 years to attend my TA reunion. I'd heard about the place since when I joined the regs in 1984. I was expecting and hoping it would resemble the officer mess from the film "Tunes of Glory" or some military museum. Disappointed was I. The building looked like a 1980's bank HQ. I couldn't get in as I didn't have ID a mate had to be called who signed me in, the sour faced east European bints on the reception desk told me I had lost my pre booked room as I was 20 minutes late in arriving so I'd lost it but they'd gave me a similar room, I suspected they were letting me know they could feck me around like I was a recruit again. Got badly pissed in one of the bars served by 2 pretty Ethiopian girls.
The following morning with a monster hangover brewing I had a full English brekkie served by a chubby Russian lady. The breakfast was the only thing English/British in the place. It was Ok no atmosphere and little that I recall about the UK military.
 
Had to stay with a few Japanese clients at the only decent hotel in Basra a couple of years back. Wasn't actually too bad for what you would expect. Finding a cleaner sleeping on my bed was a surprise though. My terp said it was pretty common the cleaners would get their heads down in your room with the aircon if they thought you had gone out all day.

We had two cleaners on our camp near Basra. It was accepted that they would use our washing facilities to clean their clothes while they were working (in their coveralls) and they always left work looking smarter than when they started. The decision to let one of them go was made after he was suspected of a bit of ‘light’ thieving from desk drawers, but definitely caught brushing his teeth with one of the expats toothbrushes and toothpaste.
 
We had two cleaners on our camp near Basra. It was accepted that they would use our washing facilities to clean their clothes while they were working (in their coveralls) and they always left work looking smarter than when they started. The decision to let one of them go was made after he was suspected of a bit of ‘light’ thieving from desk drawers, but definitely caught brushing his teeth with one of the expats toothbrushes and toothpaste.

Had something along the lines of that on Camp Delma just outside Basra. Our blonde Dutch travel clerk couldn't work out how she was getting through 10 pair of knickers a rotation....
 

OneTenner

LE
Book Reviewer
We had two cleaners on our camp near Basra. It was accepted that they would use our washing facilities to clean their clothes while they were working (in their coveralls) and they always left work looking smarter than when they started. The decision to let one of them go was made after he was suspected of a bit of ‘light’ thieving from desk drawers, but definitely caught brushing his teeth with one of the expats toothbrushes and toothpaste.
We had a cleaner in our compound in Kabul, the only thing he ever 'stole' was black boot polish to comb through his greying beard. You knew if he'd been at yours because of the black finger marks on the tin...
Like all good Muslims, he would never admit to having a drink, strangely he would never pour the remains of any drinks down the sink, preferring to tip them into a bucket before washing the glasses. Even more strange, he would appear to be truly cunted by 11 a.m. if it was the morning after a team session....
That said, he was a little terrier, any LEC's that tried to enter 'his' part of the compound would regret it, a couple of times first aid had to be administered to much younger blokes who thought they'd try their luck getting to the optics or beer fridge unseen.
I can confidently say that no Afghan could ever be accused of using a toothbrush, for any purpose, regardless of who the owner was.
They just wouldn't have a clue......
 

endure

GCM
Anyone mentioned the Fox Hotel in Wolverhampton yet?
 
The “Love Hotel” in São Cristóvão, Sergipe State, Brazil was a bit special. A seismic crew I was visiting had taken it over, but they couldn’t do anything about the fact that its normal use, hinted at by the name, was as a brothel.
The rooms were quite splendid with floors and walls all white tiles, but also, the bed, which was a white tiled ledge with a mattress thrown on top. The TV was caged in with 24hr porn piped through and no remote controllers.

The lack of A/C meant that I had sleep under a mosquito net, though, quite frankly, the mosquitos started infesting the place an hour before sundown (ie about 16:30) every day anyway, so it was a bit ineffective.

Getting up for a pish in the night was interesting- switch the light on and wait for the cockroaches to disperse before swinging you feet onto the floor.

I’ve actually stayed in worst places in Texas as at least there weren’t any blood stains on the carpet.
 
The French are known for good food and bad hotels and I’ve stayed in some absolute stinkers in ‘La Hexagone’

Worst has to be a campanile in the Paris banlieu where I was very close to getting jumped for my laptop. Best described as the most downtrodden room at a Butlins mixed with transit accommodation. A double bed which took up 95% of the floor space and **** all else. Saved the travel bookers two quid or something.
 

endure

GCM
Only you and sadly lacking in detail. Must try harder.


It had central heating in that the owner controlled it centrally.

If he decided the weather was hot even though it was the middle of winter he turned it off.

If it failed (which it often did) and stuck on in the middle of summer you boiled gently in your room.

 

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