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Worst Hotel in the World

Hotel Campanile near Basildon. Pretty sure I barricaded the door and got my doss bag out. It was the second night of a 2 day trip, the first night having been in a five star mansion house (I don't know how the travel cell managed it, but they got their revenge the second night).
 
Horrible, but not for the usual reasons of lacking cleanliness, facilities, etc.

Cosmos Hotel - Moscow. Think Biff Towers from Back to the future 2.
OK by Euro standards, it was clean, comfortable and the staff were ok. But....
£10 for a pint of wobbly. You can't get a seat at any of the cafes or bars because they are chock full of hookers chatting to middle eastern gentleman. Hotel has a range of restaurants (gopping), a casino (rip off) and a strip club; which was the best place to drink as it was a tenner to get in and only £5 per pint.
I had the worst Chinese meal ever made, beef with black bean, the beef strips resembled flattened and boiled slugs; it gave me the shits. (Which even the street food in China didn't manage to).
The best bit was on the delivering my bag to my room, Ivan/Igor turned to me and said "do you want a woman?"
me: "er what?
Igor" a woman, you want a woman"
me "oh, er not yet I need to eat first"
Igor "when you want a woman, you call me"

I tipped him a few bucks and off he went. This basically sums up Russia tbh.

When I first arrived in Phnom Penh I followed the advice of the Lonely Planet:

“When travelling around the city it’s best to always use the same mototaxi as he will actually know where your hotel is”.

While this is true it’s still pretty dodgy advice.*

In those days the restaurant district was on the river bank, about 2 km from the hotel. On returning to the hotel on the 3rd or 4th night, my moto driver thought he saw a business opportunity:

“So, Mr Bob, you want girl tonight?”

“Er no thanks...”

Without missing a beat he said:

“Oh, so you want boy?”

He was a bit surprised when I turned down this offer too. I’m just glad that the ride ended before he could start going down the list of farmyard animals.

I later learned that in that part of the world, it was considered SOP for a local man who found himself away from home to immediately avail himself of the local amenities**.

* it’s dodgy advice for many reasons. These days the mototaxi has been replace by the Tuktuk, a veritable scourge on the surface of the earth. All Tuktuk drivers are waiting for the big score from a foreigner and since a - now deceased - British artist built one of them a ******* house (true dit that), a dollar tip is now met with a degree of surly derision previously only ever achieved by a Venetian waiter.

** indeed it’s not uncommon for hotel concierges in that part of the world to send a girl up to the room ‘on spec’ just in case. There was a bar near the Intercontinental where a pool of girls were maintained for this very purpose. Like a minicab office.
 
Britannia Hotel, Stockport (on the A6).
A well known doss house for asylum seekers who hang about the place muttering in foreign languages and looking vaguely threatening. Permanent smell of weed, damp rooms, broken furniture, pig ignorant staff. Bed sheets not washed between visitors -- just ironed with the stains on them.

I know this because some conference delegates were mistakenly booked in there last year ratherr than a similarly named hotel in Manchester.


A close second to this is the Liverpool Adelphi (also run by Britannia Hotels). The Adelphi used to be fantastic in the 70s and 80s. Now it's a drug riddled dump full of drunks. Had the joy of having a demonstration stand at an event there. They allowed a coach party of pensioners through the exhibition hall, who stripped every stand of pens, notepads sweets etc.

The lunch food was so bad that we went out and brought back pizza and fish & chips for the crew.
I go to a convention thing every 6 months or so at this place. We are local and only do "day trips" and stay at home. We used to be able to get food dropped off and eat take away or pack meals. New management have moves in relatively recently and now convention terms are no outside food. We therefore booked a cheap room, and got food delivered and ate in the room. Or started to. We relocated to the car as the room was so filthy...

We didn't stay over.

The summer convention was cancelled due to covid, and there is a duty rumour locally that the hotel might be going out of business... we can but hope.
 

jmb3296

War Hero
The two uk hotels that are the worst I have stayed in are Britannia’s. One was a stop over near Manchester on a long drive from Cornwall to Scotland with the wife and kids. It was filthy, foul and the breakfast was gopping.
Vowed never to stay in the chain again.
Flew back into Manchester in the small hours and the travel agent had booked the hotel. On arrival realised it was another Britannia.
Never mind only there for a couple of hours before picking the car up and heading north.
The room was dirty with strange marks on the carpet and spreading damp from the toilet.
The sheets were grey and may have been ironed since the last guest but definitely not washed that week.
The reception had a strange mix of persons circulating round the absolutely appalled new arrivals.
We slept in our clothes and left as soon as possible, getting a breakfast at a motorwAy service station. Which at least was clean.
I don’t wish any business ill with the exception of Britannia which I hope doesn’t reopen and it’s hotels are taken over by a company who at least want to operate a hotel and not a doss house.
Britannia have taken over many formally beautiful hotels and run them into the ground. A real shame really.
For a little effort, soap and water and investment in staff they could have been a reasonable business.
 
The two uk hotels that are the worst I have stayed in are Britannia’s. One was a stop over near Manchester on a long drive from Cornwall to Scotland with the wife and kids. It was filthy, foul and the breakfast was gopping.
Vowed never to stay in the chain again.
Flew back into Manchester in the small hours and the travel agent had booked the hotel. On arrival realised it was another Britannia.
Never mind only there for a couple of hours before picking the car up and heading north.
The room was dirty with strange marks on the carpet and spreading damp from the toilet.
The sheets were grey and may have been ironed since the last guest but definitely not washed that week.
The reception had a strange mix of persons circulating round the absolutely appalled new arrivals.
We slept in our clothes and left as soon as possible, getting a breakfast at a motorwAy service station. Which at least was clean.
I don’t wish any business ill with the exception of Britannia which I hope doesn’t reopen and it’s hotels are taken over by a company who at least want to operate a hotel and not a doss house.
Britannia have taken over many formally beautiful hotels and run them into the ground. A real shame really.
For a little effort, soap and water and investment in staff they could have been a reasonable business.
Yep. Run into the ground. There is a real community with the event I attend and we have been asking the organisers about a different venue for years, but the Britannia is cheap, meaning cheap tickets to the event (a similar one at another venue is 10 times the price). Apparently the organisational side is easy too.

To be fair the event started a fair while ago, I think the hotel has been in a downwards spiral for a little while.

The kitchens are known as the bacon forge - raw meat goes in, iron hard bacon comes out...
 
Mirrambeena in Darwin. Owned by the local aborigine tribe but none of them work there, it's all honkies. The abos roll up every morning around ten when the bar opens and spend the day getting shitfaced before strolling round the place looking for rooms to break into to nick stuff. Fuckers got my flight bag and apparently it's quite a common problem, but no one talks about it and the staff appear terrified when questioned. Probably lose their jobs for dobbing in the bosses.

Asian place in Ndola, Zambia. Can't remember the name but it was a labyrinth of alleys and rat runs with tiny ill planned rooms which seemed to be numbered completely at random. Went on the piss and had a pretty good curry at the Hong Kong then spent 20 minutes wandering around the dank alleys looking for my room. Relatively clean but tiny bed with noisy springs and an air con unit that sounded like it was choking on one of the rats that infested the place.

Big square Sov style hotel in Dushanbe, Tadjikistan. Tiny, shitty rooms and a bed a foot too short for me shaped like a canoe had humped a hammock. It was the final straw for my badly abused back which gave in on that tour. Completed the last couple of days of the trip zoned out on pain killers and was popping them like Smarties by the time we headed home. Ended up with about half a kilo of titanium in my back from that one, pretty much bolting my first two vertebrae to my pelvis with a scaffolding of cages, rods, screws and pins.

My abiding memory there is of naked hookers getting raced wheelbarrow stylee down the passage by a pissed up and naked flight engineer and loadmaster while plugged into them. Rest of the crew sat in the corridor drinking vodka and cherry juice cheering them on.

Place in Lichinga, Mozambique. No power, no running water. Took a couple of hunters up there to survey a concession they were thinking of buying into. If I wanted to take a shit I had to walk downstairs and find someone to fetch a bucket of brown dirty water from a river/well then carry it up to my room, take a dump, wash bollocks or whatever (no bog roll) then use the bucket of water to flush the sewer trout. It was easier to walk downstairs and drop my coil in the downstairs bar toilet and leave them to sort out disposal.

Bar was just an empty room so we stood outside under the mopani trees and drank warm beer until it was semi cool from the paraffin fired fridge that they'd only bothered firing up when we asked them why the beer wasn't cold. Dinner was chambo from the lake (Lake Malawi) and then to bed under sheets that were almost transparent and hadn't been washed in weeks, so sleeping bag liner it was, with a mozzie coil burning next to me on the floor.

Plenty of others, too many to remember. I'll have to wake up screaming and try to write them down before the brain blanks them again in an act of self defence.
 
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Quick one. Stayed at the Swedish UN contingent camp in Kisangani, DRC. We'd been running around the place about a week and the guys were running low on ciggies. The smokers clocked the Swedes getting issued snuss (little bags of snuff tobacco they tucked between gum and lip) and figured they'd get in on the act. Off to the canteen and signed for a tin each of the stuff.

Of course, no one told them not to swallow the juice. SOP is to spit it out but not our heroes, so we had a couple of very ill crew members honking up their dinner in the tent that night.
 

In_Twists

Old-Salt
I think its a given that abroad there are gonna be cess pits, rat holes and dumps masquerading as hotels.
No surprises there. I think there's more mileage in mentioning said pits and holes here in the UK, where we dont expect Changi prison....like Manchester (!)
Ive dossed in a flea ridden bed in Croydon, someone elses hair in Liverpool and fleas again Cornwall.
But then its 'all about the money' with me!
 
Some pretty awful experiences in here, I thought I had nothing to compare but then I remembered the most ghastly experiences from BAOR which I had been hiding away at the back of my mind.
Going out on Harrier deployments 3 or 4 times a year, we had to live in 12 x 12 tents, luckily just 2 of us so it wasn't too cramped. Paraffin stove for heating, so someone had to get out of bed to light it before the tent warmed up but at least you could put the kettle on it. No running water, you had to use a container which you filled with water from something called a 'bowser'. Consequently no shower facilities, thankfully we were always with the firemen and medic, we would all travel to the nearest feurwehr station and use their facilities every evening, phew! No toilet! Had to use a chemical thing which we emptied every day. If it had been raining you had to walk through mud to get to the cookhouse, couldn't make new paths because of track discipline or something. Had to carry a gun with you, no gun no food. Dunno what they thought we were going to do with a gun. Sometimes no electricity because the Royal Engineers, or whatever they're called, didn't site a generator close enough that the power line would reach us.
Overall it was pretty grim, I will need to try and erase the memories again.
 

feu_de_joie

War Hero
A place in Koln, whose name I can’t remember. I used to attend an exhibition at the Messe and stay at a conveniently located family run hotel until the company I worked for decided to centralise travel bookings. Result was: last flight of the evening and arrive in Koln very late. I found the street, which was in darkness, walked its whole length the backtracked until I found a door with the right number. The door had one of those grill things which opened when I rang, to let me in to “reception”. By this stage, I was pretty certain what sort of hotel it was but went through the motions, showed them the booking reference and was well pleased when they denied all knowledge of a booking. I got out sharpish but with nowhere to stay, so back to the Bahnhof, found the hotel kiosk and as expected found they had nothing available. It was now nearly midnight and the kiosk woman had been about to pack up but she said she would call a colleague. The only availability was the brand new Jolly Hotel at the Mediapark and that was because it was so new that nobody knew about it. 5 Star and an eye watering nightly rate but I took it and jolly good it was too. I faxed the company the next morning, no reply and nobody took it up on my return. Central travel booking was dropped shortly after
 
Some pretty awful experiences in here, I thought I had nothing to compare but then I remembered the most ghastly experiences from BAOR which I had been hiding away at the back of my mind.
Going out on Harrier deployments 3 or 4 times a year, we had to live in 12 x 12 tents, luckily just 2 of us so it wasn't too cramped. Paraffin stove for heating, so someone had to get out of bed to light it before the tent warmed up but at least you could put the kettle on it. No running water, you had to use a container which you filled with water from something called a 'bowser'. Consequently no shower facilities, thankfully we were always with the firemen and medic, we would all travel to the nearest feurwehr station and use their facilities every evening, phew! No toilet! Had to use a chemical thing which we emptied every day. If it had been raining you had to walk through mud to get to the cookhouse, couldn't make new paths because of track discipline or something. Had to carry a gun with you, no gun no food. Dunno what they thought we were going to do with a gun. Sometimes no electricity because the Royal Engineers, or whatever they're called, didn't site a generator close enough that the power line would reach us.
Overall it was pretty grim, I will need to try and erase the memories again.

FFS...:)
 
Some pretty awful experiences in here, I thought I had nothing to compare but then I remembered the most ghastly experiences from BAOR which I had been hiding away at the back of my mind.
Going out on Harrier deployments 3 or 4 times a year, we had to live in 12 x 12 tents, luckily just 2 of us so it wasn't too cramped. Paraffin stove for heating, so someone had to get out of bed to light it before the tent warmed up but at least you could put the kettle on it. No running water, you had to use a container which you filled with water from something called a 'bowser'. Consequently no shower facilities, thankfully we were always with the firemen and medic, we would all travel to the nearest feurwehr station and use their facilities every evening, phew! No toilet! Had to use a chemical thing which we emptied every day. If it had been raining you had to walk through mud to get to the cookhouse, couldn't make new paths because of track discipline or something. Had to carry a gun with you, no gun no food. Dunno what they thought we were going to do with a gun. Sometimes no electricity because the Royal Engineers, or whatever they're called, didn't site a generator close enough that the power line would reach us.
Overall it was pretty grim, I will need to try and erase the memories again.


LUXURY, I had a one man pup tent, or the back of a FFR rover, and on several occasions, the cab of a Bedford MK shovel recce for a crap, compo rations if deployed on a short hop, static locations, scran care of the Aldershot Cement Company.............5 years of that.........its called character building!
 
I've been scanning my brane for some of the holes I've stayed in around the world.
None compare to a trip we had to Amsterdam for a mates stag do in the early 2000s. One of the pricks had booked it and in some corner of the Dam is a 'Sports Hotel', which conveniently had a Sports bar downstairs. No food/breakfast and we bunked in bunk beds in a 12 man rooms, there were about 20 of us.
To be fair, I spent the whole weekend mashed and don't recall actually sleeping in a bed.
When we arrived we had to leave our passports with the most ignorant, nasty hateful Scottish manager I have ever come across, no passport no stay. It got a bit heated on the way out as he was refusing to return our passports until we paid a 'holders fee', only a few Euros but it was the way the bloke acted. I hope you're dead, you fat jock cvnt.
That is all.
 
LUXURY, I had a one man pup tent, or the back of a FFR rover, and on several occasions, the cab of a Bedford MK shovel recce for a crap, compo rations if deployed on a short hop, static locations, scran care of the Aldershot Cement Company.............5 years of that.........its called character building!

Character building? It didn't work.
 

Dread

LE
Exactly the same treatment at Sofitel - we rocked up with eight vehicles / sixteen pax, despite being pre-booked for eight twin rooms, 'not possible' was the only answer.... we formed up the vehicles to block any further access, within six-ten minutes as the car horns multiplied in number, they magically found our rooms. That was on the run from Ceuta to Western Sahara and on to Namibia.

Mauritania / Senegal used to be a (relative) breeze, has it gone a bit 'African'?
The crossing at Rosso is to be avoided at all costs unless you like spending 24 hours crossing a border and getting ripped off and lied to (and have people breaking into your vehicle and officials trying to steal your passports). We slept the night near the border as we'd driven during darkness - not always a safe thing to do - and Rosso had the nearest 'hotels'. First thing in the morning we drove back up the road to Lewihda and then took the road through the national park to the Diama crossing point and were through in about 20 minutes.

The only dodgy point at the moment was central Guinea, especially around Labe. If the Army has closed the roads then the only alternative is to back north-west to Koundara and then south to Gaoual, and round on the main roads to Conakry and then to the southern border. A real schlep and in Conakry you need to stay to the main roads: we had some locals try and ambush one of our vehicles as they were taking a less congested side road.
 

Dread

LE
Just remembered a Moscow hotel. I stayed there for two nights in 2003.

We had recently opened a Moscow office, and had hired/retained a retired Russian Army colonel as our driver (the small money we gave him was equal to his pension). I was complaining about the extremely expensive hotels (EUR 400 a night for a single at the Marriott) and he said he knew somewhere cheaper...

...so I find myself in this grey monoblock building with him checking me in: there is no-one there who speaks (or admits to) English. I get to my room and it's basic as hell, but clean. It has a sink and the toilet is just a few doors down (also clean). EUR 25 a night in central Moscow? Happy.

Two days later I come back from the office to find all my stuff packed up (very neatly) and told I had to vacate the premises immediately (done via a call to our retired Colonel). Reason? The hotel belonged to the Russian Army and while they accepted foreigners often, they weren't allowed when there was a conference on due to the risk of "spying". I asked why they had accepted the week-long booking, only to be told that the presence of the conference was also a military secret.

My CFO wasn't happy when I presented the expenses for that trip.
 
Britannia Hotel, Stockport (on the A6).
A well known doss house for asylum seekers who hang about the place muttering in foreign languages and looking vaguely threatening. Permanent smell of weed, damp rooms, broken furniture, pig ignorant staff. Bed sheets not washed between visitors -- just ironed with the stains on them.

I know this because some conference delegates were mistakenly booked in there last year ratherr than a similarly named hotel in Manchester.


A close second to this is the Liverpool Adelphi (also run by Britannia Hotels). The Adelphi used to be fantastic in the 70s and 80s. Now it's a drug riddled dump full of drunks. Had the joy of having a demonstration stand at an event there. They allowed a coach party of pensioners through the exhibition hall, who stripped every stand of pens, notepads sweets etc.

The lunch food was so bad that we went out and brought back pizza and fish & chips for the crew.

Even in Liverpool the Adelphi is a joke - and an absolute tragedy as it was once an absolute jewel of a hotel. It is described in its prime in the GM Fraser book, Mr American. The way it has been allowed to decay is almost criminal.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 

In_Twists

Old-Salt
Brittania Hotel Birmingham

Horrible on every level. In, out and en route elsewhere within 15 minutes

Ditto a motel in Erdington although we didnt leave for a few hours because we wanted to "see how it goes"...
 

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