Worst dumping ever!

#1
Tonight I was having some drinks with the parents and friends of a old work colleague that were visiting. It was a good wonderful time just trading stories until they brought up why I was still single?

Was it the constant traveling? Was it because I work too much?

Well actually it's because all the men that I've been with are complete fucking losers of the highest order and need to be thrown back into the cesspool that they somehow slinked out of!

The litany of being dumped:

1. "I'm in love with Nathan!" Yep turned gay on me!
2. "Oh I'm dating another girl and didn't want to hurt your feeling! Forgot to tell you about it for the past three months!"
3. "You save my life and I will love you forever but
4. Finally to the latest one, "Yes, I got married to another woman and I know that I lied to you about all that but I was falling in love with you and didn't want to hurt your feeling!"

Who can beat any of those?
 
#2
No comment.
 
#4
Edited by me because he edited the last one. :roll:
 
#6
How about:

"I think your a cracking lass, its not you its me! But I have had a thing for your neighbours mum for a while now and she feels the same. Please don't take offense, it was not intentional!"

Turns out, my neighbours mum is her step mum. Also a post transexual!
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
"I like you as a friend, MiB, but the trouble is you are too nice"

How many times did I hear that from girls who just wanted to go out with a bloke who thumped them and porked their friends?
 
#8
Not so much "dumpings" as you meant, Roxy, but same lines - loss of friendships.........

Try:

"Thank you for dedicating yourself and your time to helping me with my problems and supporting me when I needed it so badly. True friends are SOOO hard to find and so important to hold onto. Thank you, you're an absolute star! WHAT? You could use some support or understanding in return? Goodbye"

Happened more times than I can remember, and am fcuking sick of it! :twisted:
 
#10
"Sorry Dui-Lai, but I want a real soldier not a medic."

Picture 6 years later and the minger is now laiden down with 3 kids, hubbie left the Army and is now 4 stone overweight.

LAUGH.......feck yes did I :lol:
 
#12
RTFQ's top 5 of dumpings (received)

5. "Happy anniversary RT" <gives RT a playstation>
"What? Erm...cool, cheers. I'll take you to Alton Towers or something on saturday"
"You're a tw@t, get out of my house" <RT leaves, with playstation>

4. <RT stands outside of a kebab shop in Macclesfield, swaying slightly, phone to his ear>
"Hello?"
"I LOVE YOU BABY! AND IF ITS QUITE ALRIGHT, OH PRETTY BAYBEEE - "
"RT, it's 3 in the morning and I have a blo0dy presentation tomorrow"
"LET ME HOLD YOU TIGHT"
"This is getting beyond a joke"
"LET ME LOVE YOU BABY LET ME LOVE YOU..."
"I don't think we're working anymore RT"
"YOU'RE JUST TO GOOD TO BE TRUE..."
"I'm sorry, it's over, I can't take this anymore - I've got a job for chrissakes"
"I LOVE YOU BABY! AND IF ITS QUITE ALRIGHT, OH PRETTY BAYBEEE "
<Click>
"Hello? Sarah? Oh Well: "C'MON AND HOLD ME TIGHT OH PRETTY BABY, TRUST IN ME..."

3. "RT, we need to talk"
"mm - mm?"
"Will you put the butty down?"
"hang on - slurp gulp. I'm all yours, shoot."
"I'm sorry, I need a break, it's not you - it's me. You have tomato sauce on your chin."
"Ooh! slurp nghaa mluuuur"
"Stop trying to lick it off, I'm trying to talk to you"
"mnaaaaaaa"
"WIPE IT OFF FOR F.UCKS SAKE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE KILLING ME! I'M LEAVING!"
"You got a tissue?"

2. <Ring Ring>
"Hello"
"Dave, it's Helen. Look I'm sorry, God, I'm soo confused. That holiday was great, but I'm seeing someone else and I don't think it would be fair for any of us to carry on like this. We need to end- <sob sob sob> Oh Dave <sob sob sob>"
Door opens, bloke walks in with 6 pack
"There you go RT mate"
"Cheers Dave"
"<sob sob sob> aren't you going to say anything?"
"<big sniff>"
"Oh god, you're crying too aren't you? I'm so sorry, I'm a b1tch <sob> you're better off without me, I just hurt people <sob sob sob>"
"Who's on my phone RT?"
"<Sobbing stops immediately> Who the fcuk is this?"
"RTFQ"
"GET THE FCUK OFF THE LINE YOU PSYCHOPATH! PUT DAVE ON!"
"Nah, he's watching the rugby. I'll tell him after, besides he's been doing the AGC det commander for the past month so I don't think he'll be that bothered. She's hot <click>"
"Did you just do what I think you did RT?"
"No worries mate, thank me later"

1. "RT it's over."
<Sound of heart breaking>
 
#13
dui-lai said:
"Sorry Dui-Lai, but I want a real soldier not a medic."

Picture 6 years later and the minger is now laiden down with 3 kids, hubbie left the Army and is now 4 stone overweight.

LAUGH.......feck yes did I :lol:
& just think, if you'd stayed with her you'd never have hooked up with Foxy... :D
 
#14
DozyBint said:
dui-lai said:
"Sorry Dui-Lai, but I want a real soldier not a medic."

Picture 6 years later and the minger is now laiden down with 3 kids, hubbie left the Army and is now 4 stone overweight.

LAUGH.......feck yes did I :lol:

& just think, if you'd stayed with her you'd never have hooked up with Foxy... :D
exactly :twisted:
 
#15
Please everyone, don't be so negative. Look upon those dumpings as a release from the chains and binds of a life of misery with someone who can never understand you.

Either that or just be too proud to admit that you've ever been dumped.
 
#16
IdleAdjt said:
Please everyone, don't be so negative. Look upon those dumpings as a release from the chains and binds of a life of misery with someone who can never understand you. .
Oh I do - felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Get the shivers spending more than one night with a bloke ever since though! :lol: :lol:
 
#17
What, poppy, you mean that people have actually come back for more? :lol:
 
#18
Poppy said:
IdleAdjt said:
Please everyone, don't be so negative. Look upon those dumpings as a release from the chains and binds of a life of misery with someone who can never understand you. .
Oh I do - felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Get the shivers spending more than one night with a bloke ever since though! :lol: :lol:
Nothing wrong with only spending one night with a bloke. However, do you have to do it every night of the week. Scrubber.
 
#19
I always fall back on the teachings of Homer at a time like this, "Dear Loser, welcome to dumpedsville, occupation: You"
Priceless
 
#20
IdleAdjt said:
Poppy said:
IdleAdjt said:
Please everyone, don't be so negative. Look upon those dumpings as a release from the chains and binds of a life of misery with someone who can never understand you. .
Oh I do - felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Get the shivers spending more than one night with a bloke ever since though! :lol: :lol:
Nothing wrong with only spending one night with a bloke. However, do you have to do it every night of the week. Scrubber.
No I take Sundays off as a rest day :lol:
 

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