Worst Customs and Immigration

Discussion in 'Travel' started by Travelgall, Nov 2, 2010.

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  1. On another post discussing the US we got onto the subject of customs and the worst most jumped up ********* you can find manning their nations borders. Any suggestions for the worst Customs and Immigration procedures and people?
  2. Brize Norton
  3. Very good. :)

    My personal bete noir are the New York airports. La Guardia is fine but JFK and Newark are terrible - JFK the worst. The staff think its a privelege to let you in, not thanking you for spending money in their country. Rude, arrogant and dumber than a bunch of rocks. At JFK they open up 20 desks for the Americans, and once they're processed they don't help out the 4 guys grilling the Non-US visitors. Going through DFW wasn't great either, they assumed since I was flying from Panama I had 200g of Pablo's finest jammed up my arse and it took a while to convince them otherwise. Its strange as Denver and GB Houston (Texas) were fantastic and the Customs guys manning their posts were politeness itself. MSP they weren't bad either.

    Bolivia customs also sucked. South Africa isn't great, Canada I got in trouble by saying "Smile love, its the second best thing you can do with your mouth" - god she was a miserable cow.

    The best Customs I had was in Fiji, Samoa and St Vincent & Grenadines (although that was probably because I fancied the very nice Customs officer - she could strip search me any day). Chile was pretty good too.
  4. Any Indian airport. Take a seat, sandwiches and a big book.
  5. Ooohhh. Never been to India. Useful stuff. Is that because of the Customs and immigration procedures? Or because the Indians couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery?
  6. UK immigration for Dover is now done in Calais - if you want rude, pedantic and unpleasant C&I, go through the P&O Ferry Terminal. They must go through the same school as the American C & I.
  7. JFK is amongst the worst in the developed world. I never have an issue with any of the Homeland Security guys; being checked takes a few seconds and I'm through. The issue is the queuing to get to an agent. In fairness to them they have improved over the last couple of years (it used to take 2 hours of queuing to get 1 minute with an agent), but it still appears that most people arriving from flip-flop countries are too stupid to arrive with the correct documentation. When I go the US I now try and land at Chicago or San Jose as these are reasonably quick to get out of. If I must go to New York then the only flight I will use is the BA flight from London City airport: it is a 100% business class flight and lands in Ireland (for fuel) where you clear US customs and border controls, and as a result when landing at JFK you can walk straight out.

    On the Hungarian - Serb border there used to be a collection of utter scumbags masquerading as Hungarian border guards. The Serbs were fine (if slow) and loved it if you could speak a few words of the local lingo. The Hungarians were miserable cúnts and very rude idiots who got angry if you couldn't speak Hungarian. Many a fun hour was spent waiting for no reason.

    If you are planning on driving into or out of Morocco then be prepared for 4 - 5 hours of fun. They are polite, but again it is simply the queuing that takes so long, with no rhyme or reason to the checks. Flying in and out of Morocco is very simple and quick, and their agents have always been very polite and helpful.

    Tel Aviv is easy to get into, though the queuing for the 3 or 4 kiosks is chaotic at best and can take over 90 minutes if a plane of 3rd worlders has landed in front of you. Getting out can take 3 hours for a single man without a certificate issued by a major Israeli company (which states that they know you, have a business relationship with you and are reasonably certain that you are not about to blow yourself up). Everyone is very polite though and after being checked they walked me to my gate (where the plane was waiting).

    Most polite border controls? Zambia: they know you are coming into their country to spend your money, and they want you to have a fun time doing so in order for you to repeat the process (as I do every year!). I've had no problems in China, Korea, Japan, Brazil, Australia, South Africa or indeed anywhere else (and I hope this continues).

    On another thread someone lambasted Heathrow. This is fair criticism. They are a bunch of lying tosspots who will say anything to get you out of their face and to become someone else's problem. However this isn't restricted to Customs officials at Heathrow: all the employees of that airport are similarly afflicted by an absence of integrity, possibly as a result of being paid peanuts while being drowned in management bullshit.
  8. BuggerAll

    BuggerAll LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    SBA C and I The local lads are OK and can even be quite helpful but unfortunately they sometimes take their lead from the total cocks that are on secondment from HM C and I.
  9. Dread - thanks for the top tips about Morocco.

    Seems it's not just me that manages to find an extra gear when disembarking and seeing a 'flip-flop' 747 pull up alongside !

    Never found JFK too miserable, in fact on one occasion when leaving they were actually ok with us when my other half had left a large, metallic hair clip in her hand luggage on departure. Las Vegas, on the other hand, found them to be very stern, and when a Brit pulled out a pack of cigarettes to look for a smoking room it all got a bit shouty.
  10. Try C&I in BFG for size. You cannot visit them without an appointment, too bad they never answer the phone, so it's a Catch 22 situaion. When they do emerge from their hole they are absolute jobsworths.
  11. I drove through the Sovereign Bases all the time. Didn't see one customs official.
    In defence of US Customs & immigration in New York. I believe even the US government know they were dreadful and have apparently made them pull their socks up.
  12. So long as the book isn't 'Old Soldier Sahib' by Frank Richards !

    Still banned in India (unless things have changed in the last couple of years) since it was published
    about 70/80 years ago, and on their customs watch list.
  13. Travelgall. The 'I'm here for the rest of the day, so you can be as well' attitude prvails.
    Tawahi-50 I doubt that I will go back to India, but if I do I'll try to rememer to be reading a copy of the book when in the queue. I make friends easily.
  14. McCarran has always been a bit schizophrenic. They are always stern there but usually professional. I did see some poor cow getting off a flight from Manchester make the mistake of turning her phone on in the immigration queue. Her and her entire party get dragged out the queue, dressed down publicly andsent to the back. While this is happening two chaps turn up in full tactical gear with M4's and stand round scanning everyone in the queue. Even the guys manning the cubicles looked perplexed.
  15. Leaving Taiwan can be a bit of fun especially if you have bought any "mickey mouse" watches ie genuine Rolex etc.
    They will try and nick them back off you at the Airport so that they can then sell them back to the little slitty eyed f*ck who sold them to you in the first place
    We were told "You no take. Make Taiwan look bad"
    My pal's parting remark to the Customs and other assorted no goods was "The sooner China takes you lot over, the better" We made the plane - just :)