Worst Birthday Ever.................again

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by HavocIRL, Apr 23, 2006.

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  1. Kilbride Military Camp, Saturday 22 April 2006

    I awoke at quarter to 7 to the sound of the Corporal shouting "Get the fuck out of bed". After dragging myself out of bed and stubbing my toe on the metal frame of the bunkbed, I was hit from a headache as a result of all the pre birthday celebrations the night before. After checking to see that none of the lads had put camo cream on my face, I rubbed my head and remembered the shitty haircut that I let the medic give me the day before, which turned into a mohawk before I knew what was going on.

    Fucking meds, they do fuck all, you give them one job and they fuck it up.

    It was the day of the all army shooting competition and I'd been stupid enough to volunteer for it again this year after an officer had guilt-tripped me into it by using the line "Your battalion needs you". Take notes people if you ever want anything off me just use this line and I'll do it.

    "Hey Sully, eat your own head!"
    "Fuck off"
    "Your battalion needs you"
    *munch* *munch*

    I had made a promise to myself last year after taking part in it (also on my birthday) that I wouldn't do it again. Mainly because it was the most unorganised cake and arse party I'd ever had the misfortune of being associated with.

    15 mins later I was eating a breakfast which consisted of 2 sausages which didn't taste like anything, a bit of white pudding which tastes and looks like shite, a portion of scrambled eggs which is made with a powder(Don't ask me how its considered food) and a piece of toast which is only toasted on one side.

    After not eating breakfast I fell in outside the billet, where due to the fact that my face was sunburnt and my skalp was milky white, the sergeant greeted me with "Alright raspberry ripple!"

    Laugh? I nearly kicked him to death.

    After 10 straight minutes of laughter at my expense, we went up to the armory to check out our weapons for the competition. I had trained and zeroed on a weapon about 2 days before and so knew how it fired and where the fall of shot was with it and while it wasn't very well zeroed for me cos of the shite PDF armorer(He just didn't give a bollix) who adjusted it for me I was confident enough with it.

    It was at that point that the leader of our team an officer showed up looking for his rifle which of course would had to have been mine. Due to some mix up I had taken his rifle on the day of the shooting practice and now had to give it to him and inform him of the adjustments that had been done to it.

    I then had to check out another rifle and hope for the best. Luckily for me the first part of the shooting competition was an indication practice where my shots would be indicated. Unluckily for me the weapon was so off target that when I aimed dead centre of the target it hit about 5 metres above where I was aiming.

    Immediately after this I sought out an armorer and asked him to make an adjustment to the sights to bring them down, so everything would then be sorted and I'd be able to get a respectable score. However there must have been some sort of communication mix up as instead of bringing my sights up, he brought them down and I was now hitting even higher.

    Of the 5 parts of the shooting competition I had 3 washouts, where I didn't hit anything on them. On the other 2 parts I got a 5 and a 6. The highest score on the day was 82 with the average being 50/60, I got 11.

    However despite this the rest of my team did fantastic getting first place and through some loop hole I'm going to the all army shooting competition later on this year, with a new rifle as the one I was firing with somehow ended up in a river.

    So what have I learnt this year,

    Only use a rifle you've been zeroed on
    Never give over your rifle to an officer
    Never trust the army
    Never go on a shooting competition on your birthday

    Anybody think they can beat this?
    • Like Like x 1
  2. The white pudding, sorry to tell you but, it was in fact real shite. Dog shite. Many Happy Returns !
  3. You guys need armourers to adjust your sights?
  4. All that fun and Breakfast????????

    Bloody soft, when i was a lad we didn't get fed for up to a month at a time and if we missed a target the SGT would make us attack it with our pencil that was sharpend at both ends (and in the middle).
  5. Quarter to seven. Idle beggar. Half five for those unfortunates at 2Div SAAM at Altcar. One thing in common though, it was a gangfek.
  6. They don't give zeroing keys for the sights to reservists. Their reason? We'd only go and lose them
  7. Zeroing keys? Have you been firing some wierd and wonderful weapon with the sights padlocked down or something.

    Whats wrong with a Leathermans?
  8. WTF is a zeroing Key?
  9. The steyr AUG rifle needs a zeroing key to move the dials on the scope.

    I would use a leatherman but the fact is that it would be harder to control and each rifle, if adjusted needs to be reported.
  10. i'm surprised you actually remembered it was your fecking birthday you moran, get a grip !
  11. Throw yourself onto your breadknife you civvy airsoft walt
  12. Ah Kilbride what a place. Memories come flooding back to me :cry: I once spent a birthday up there to, and the bar well hut that was there wasnt open for the night, but i made up for it the second night, if you know what i mean then went on guard duty the next morning still fucked!! I actually loved the food up there, jaysus all these softies like you not eating your egg, sausages and toast was fucking brilliant for me as I used to always end up eating other peoples food for them. Happy days!! Good to hear that the old unit is still alive and kicking