Worst Animal Habits

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#1
I've just had to bath my dog (see pic in gallery) as it has developed the very pleasant habit of sneaking my baby daughter's disposable nappies out of the rubbish and eating the contents, and thus stinking of human shi-ite. I realised the fecking animal had done this today when it jumped on my bed this morning and licked my face. In combination with slightly too much Holsten Pils last night, this did actually cause me to start my Saturday by vomiting copiously all over the en suite bathroom: fortunately the lovely and glamourous Mrs Chickenpunk is away watching her god-daughter get confirmed.

Any worse doggy habits?
 
#2
We once had a rather nutty lab called Skip who went off his food and seemed ill for a while.
Eventually it was decided he needed to see a Vet x-rays showed an obstruction in his intestines and an operation was arranged.
My Mother was rather p*ssed off when she returned from Vets the next day.
It seemed one of my brothers had left a used condom laying on the bedroom floor and nutty had come along and eaten it, the fluids in his stomach had filled it even further and it had twisted ensuring it was unable to drain then become lodged in his intestines.
Condom eating, now THAT'S disgusting......

Beebs :oops:
 
#4
Someone else must have seen the result of a dog eating its way through black bin bag

I had a collie with about a foot of black plastic sticking out its hoop,
Pulling it was no good, the collie kind of shortened (concertina style) and yodalled

Ended up just cutting lengths off it as it came out

Saw a cow lick a fire once, not the brightest creatures
 
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#5
The other thing my dog did recently was trough a pair of my shreddies, which wound up hanging out of its arrse and required some rubber glove 'assistance' to remove them. Ah... man's best friend!
 
#7
blessed baby cakes said:
We once had a rather nutty lab called Skip who went off his food and seemed ill for a while.
Eventually it was decided he needed to see a Vet x-rays showed an obstruction in his intestines and an operation was arranged.
My Mother was rather p*ssed off when she returned from Vets the next day.
It seemed one of my brothers had left a used condom laying on the bedroom floor and nutty had come along and eaten it, the fluids in his stomach had filled it even further and it had twisted ensuring it was unable to drain then become lodged in his intestines.
Condom eating, now THAT'S disgusting......

Beebs :oops:
What, you mean you've never chugged a 'dom? :?
 
#8
Dont know about the mutts,I love scooting on the carpet bare arsed when the eyes itching. 8O
 
#10
My dog Dylan has recently taken to the habit of throwing up his entire bowel of dinner, which is a considerable amount as he is a 10 stone bullmastif, then later on he creeps back and eats it at his leasure!!!! we have now had to start feeding him twice daily. Same amount but in two sittings because he is so greedy!!! Should have called him blood Dyson as he is the dog version of a vacuum cleaner when he is out on his daily walk!!!
 
#11
My sister-in-law has a tomcat which fell in lust with her son't giant cuddly gorilla. Said gorilla's fur is now very matted. The cat also went through a phase of cr*pping in the microwave but they're now very conscientious about keeping the door shut.

He's a fine specimen of a pitch black moggy and I'd have converted him into a hearth rug years ago.
 
#12
chickenpunk said:
I've just had to bath my dog (see pic in gallery) as it has developed the very pleasant habit of sneaking my baby daughter's disposable nappies out of the rubbish and eating the contents, and thus stinking of human shi-ite. I realised the fecking animal had done this today when it jumped on my bed this morning and licked my face. In combination with slightly too much Holsten Pils last night, this did actually cause me to start my Saturday by vomiting copiously all over the en suite bathroom: fortunately the lovely and glamourous Mrs Chickenpunk is away watching her god-daughter get confirmed.

Any worse doggy habits?
Dunno if it's a bad habit but mine likes to pretend 'hump' any guests. It was so bad I got my brother one of those 'humping dogs' last Christmas. Also, only wants to fight other dogs when he's on his lead. Take it off and he's their best mate! Even if he does try to hump them more often than not.

Oh, and he's an attention seeking git. Crawled between my legs three times whilst on here!
 
#13
After a night of passion Mrs Archer left one of her stockings on the floor.
(Ah, those were the days!!)

She came back from the shower in time to watch it disappearing down the dogs throat.

Off to the vet PDQ and had to endure the perv questioning her at some length about the colour and texture of said stocking. When he got to the pattern and was it hold up or suspender she gave the vet the mad eye and he discharged the dog saying"It'll work through on it's own"
 
#14
Wasn't my dog, but I was sh@gging this bird once and her dog tried to join in 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
 
#15
Cousin's have a dog that likes to hump other dogs... nothing unusual with that, right? Only problem, their dog is a female, and somehow managed to temporarily turn our normally docile doberman into a humping fiend! 8O :x

Who ever heard of a lesbo dog? :roll:

BTW, our dobie is also a female, if that makes any difference. :?:
 
#16
scalieback said:
Wasn't my dog, but I was sh@gging this bird once and her dog tried to join in 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
This might just explain why.........

Three Labradors, one brown, one yellow and one black
were sitting in the surgery waiting room at the vet's
when they struck up a conversation:

The black lab turned to the brown and said, So why
are you here? The brown lab replied, I'm a p!sser. I
p!ss on everything...the sofa, the curtains, the cat,
the kids. But the final straw was last night when I p!
ssed in the middle of my owner's bed. The black lab
said, So what is the vet going to do? Gonna cut my
nuts off, came the reply from the brown lab. They
reckon it'll calm me down.

The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and
asked, Why are you here? The yellow lab said, I'm a
digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees,
I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig
up Carpets. But I went over the line last night when I
dug a great big hole In my owner's couch. So what are
they going to do to you? the black lab
inquired. Looks like I'm losing my nuts too. the
dejected yellow lab said.

The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and
asked, Why are you Here? I'm a humper, the black
lab said. I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a
pillow, the table, post-boxes, whatever. I want to
hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just
got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her
toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her
back and Started humping away. The yellow and brown
labs exchanged a sad glance and said, So, nuts off
for you too, huh? The black lab said, No, I'm here
to get my nails clipped.
Beebs 8)
 
#17
blessed baby cakes said:
scalieback said:
Wasn't my dog, but I was sh@gging this bird once and her dog tried to join in 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
This might just explain why.........

Three Labradors, .............. , No, I'm here
to get my nails clipped.
Beebs 8)
Yeah, heard it before. Problem was, I was doing her 'doggy' and her dog tried to get behind me 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
 
#18
scalieback said:
blessed baby cakes said:
scalieback said:
Wasn't my dog, but I was sh@gging this bird once and her dog tried to join in 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
This might just explain why.........

Three Labradors, .............. , No, I'm here
to get my nails clipped.
Beebs 8)
Yeah, heard it before. Problem was, I was doing her 'doggy' and her dog tried to get behind me 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
Perhaps the doggie had done her doggie so many times he thought this was the new doggie La Conga?

Beebs :wink:
 
#19
blessed baby cakes said:
scalieback said:
blessed baby cakes said:
scalieback said:
Wasn't my dog, but I was sh@gging this bird once and her dog tried to join in 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
This might just explain why.........

Three Labradors, .............. , No, I'm here
to get my nails clipped.
Beebs 8)
Yeah, heard it before. Problem was, I was doing her 'doggy' and her dog tried to get behind me 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
Perhaps the doggie had done her doggie so many times he thought this was the new doggie La Conga?

Beebs :wink:
There's no way his 'lipstick' was getting near my brown eye!!!

Perhaps I should have got my mutt to join the conga? Get his 'lipstick' up the bints dogs hoop! 8O Christ, where's this heading?
 
#20
scalieback said:
blessed baby cakes said:
scalieback said:
blessed baby cakes said:
scalieback said:
Wasn't my dog, but I was sh@gging this bird once and her dog tried to join in 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
This might just explain why.........

Three Labradors, .............. , No, I'm here
to get my nails clipped.
Beebs 8)
Yeah, heard it before. Problem was, I was doing her 'doggy' and her dog tried to get behind me 8O 8O :oops: :oops:
Perhaps the doggie had done her doggie so many times he thought this was the new doggie La Conga?

Beebs :wink:
There's no way his 'lipstick' was getting near my brown eye!!!

Perhaps I should have got my mutt to join the conga? Get his 'lipstick' up the bints dogs hoop! 8O Christ, where's this heading?
It already arrived,
Welcome to the Gutter!

Beebs :lol:
 

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