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Worst Airport in the World?

World's worst airport


  • Total voters
    27
What the feck was I thinking?!

Jeddah.

shut the thread, black cat that if you dare
 

Oyibo

LE
I think to save thread deviation we can all accept that CDG and LTN are absolute dogshite
 
Facilitation payments, the bain of my last job.
You'd be surprised the number of senior employees that should know better. We were governed by US law in the guise of Sarbanes Oxley legislation that could cost the company millions in fines if we didn't comply. Paying any 'bribes' in the corporate world would lead to your job and a heavy fine.

Yes, I know bribery is wrong. But what would the clever clogs who put the legislation in place do if they arrived in a sh*thole and were offered a choice between paying up or finishing up in chokey? And possibly the information as to where you were being not passed on to the appropriate embassy/authority?
 
Can I give a quick shout out to Kai Tak in Hong Kong. There was nothing wrong with the terminal but it was a challenging experience for the driver and could be a surprise to passengers who looked out of the windows.

Brize Norton is crap and South Cerney must be the crapest ‘terminal’ in the civilised world. Its a pity they’re not corrupt because I’d happily pay for better service.
I lived in Infantry House in Kowloon. Right in front of the checkerboard where they turned sharp right for their approach, so yes, Kai Tak was a great experience. We have some cracking shots of approaching aircraft whilst swigging San Mig on the balcony. When the typhoons started, all the aircraft in the region would make a beeline to get on the deck as soon as they could so they'd be flying extra low, just below the cloudbase, literally a few hundred feet above. The rise and fall in the engine notes suggested how much they were working to keep it up. The Army, in it's ultimate wisdom, refused to install double glazing but you do get used to the noise.
 

OneTenner

LE
Book Reviewer
Some more crap airports / airstrips
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Not one of mine, thought some might 'enjoy' this one
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Apparently the loadie got sight of the fragrant Cherie in her big pants getting changed behind the curtain.....
 
I would agree with Lagos but would add Kisangani, Zaire. You had to run the aircraft to secure a seat, once all seats were full, including some of the largest women ever seen squeezed into 18 inches of airline seat,pigs and chickens secured in overhead compartments, the door was closed and take off attempted.
I see your Kisangani and raise you Lubumbashi, Zaire. Last time I was there aircraft landed between heaps of mangled metal, the remains of arrivals that hadn’t quite made it in one piece so to speak. Customs officers that would let you wait until you were dead before releasing baggage and a good chance of being robbed by the police on the way into town.
 
Yes, I know bribery is wrong. But what would the clever clogs who put the legislation in place do if they arrived in a sh*thole and were offered a choice between paying up or finishing up in chokey? And possibly the information as to where you were being not passed on to the appropriate embassy/authority?
I'd relish cases where bribes demanded or arrests were made of our travellers. This would give me the ammunition to have local or well connected expat handlers at our frequent locations. It reduced the exposure for the company and made the travellers lives easier. We frequently had better access to local government than our business development people had, which wound them the fvck up.
 
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Not me but my Dad went through Saigon airport on Pan Am (RAF officer hitching a ride) on the way somewhere else in ‘73 as things were going rapidly south for our cousins. Apparently the captain came up on the intercom thing and announced “Welcome to Saigon, ground fire is light to moderate” . Disembarkation was done at the run.
 
Many years ago, I was working in the sales team of Welcome Diagnostic, when a temporary opening came up to cover the African territory. I was going to apply, but changed my mind (read SWMBO changed it for me) After reading these dits, I am quite glad I never had the experience of traveling or working in the dark continent.
 

RBMK

LE
Liverpool.

I am a scouser and I refuse to fly from Liverpool --- ever.

Designed to remove the maximum amount of money from your wallet before you even get near to an aircraft. You check in on the ground floor, then have to go upstairs to pass through all the shops -- and it's designed so you can't go in a straight line -- think Ikea with overpriced booze and perfume.

Then there is the extremely helpful security staff [not]. Who will take any excuse to delay you to the point of missing your aircraft.

Airport staff are the dregs of every workshy thieving scouser that ever had sight of Walton Prison.

Passengers are mostly drunken, tattooed and shaven headed, and that's just the children.

You will be charged £4 just for driving through the gates of the airport and £10 if you take more than 20 minutes to drop someone off. No discounts for disabled / wheelchair passengers either. Overstay by 10 seconds and it's a £60 penalty charge. Fail to pay and the baliffs will be sent within 14 days. £42 per day in the multi-storey car park.

The whole airport is run by jobsworths.

I'd rather do a transfer via Entebbe than use Liverpool again.

Did I mention that I am a scouser?
 

Oyibo

LE
I see your Kisangani and raise you Lubumbashi, Zaire. Last time I was there aircraft landed between heaps of mangled metal, the remains of arrivals that hadn’t quite made it in one piece so to speak. Customs officers that would let you wait until you were dead before releasing baggage and a good chance of being robbed by the police on the way into town.

Lubumbashi is a strong contender - I was there last year - but I actually liked the city.

Before boarding a flight nowadays in DRC one must buy a 'Go-Pass'. I thinks it's $25 for domestic and $50 for international (or perhaps double that). Cash only, and must be in USD.

Leaving Lubumbashi (on the second attempt because the first plane didn't bother turning up) we all got to the 'air side' of the air port to be greeted by an avaricious 'Go-Pass' collector, with GMG bag in hand. He had no change and no receipts. A near riot of businessmen broke out as they shouted at him telling him he was corrupt and was supporting a corrupt government, but of course everyone had to pay. Go-Pass man left with a chinese laundry bag full of dollars and a grin on his face. We all got on the plane (which, incidentally, smelt of fresh turds).
 
Flew back to UK from Ascencion in 1982 - RAF VC stopped there to refuel. We were allowed off the aircraft to stretch our legs but not to move more than 100m away from the aircraft, which was on the end of the runway and nowhere near any buildings.

There were wild dogs roaming around the area. Mind you, it was difficult to tell with the shimmer from the heat haze, they could have been hyenas...

‘Agree , 1983 let off the plane on the far side of the runway. Fucc ing roasting hot, bitten by mozzies , not allowed to move more than 100m away.
 
Entebbe was a bit shite in 84 but I think Addis Abeba was the worst. Airport full of locals, nothing wrong with that but shitting on the floor as well as pissing in the corners.

Funny as the national carrier had a new fleet. Nice aircraft. Food service was a bit hit and miss.
 

OneTenner

LE
Book Reviewer
Many years ago, I was working in the sales team of Welcome Diagnostic, when a temporary opening came up to cover the African territory. I was going to apply, but changed my mind (read SWMBO changed it for me) After reading these dits, I am quite glad I never had the experience of traveling or working in the dark continent.
I loved working in Africa - not only because I knew i'd be leaving sooner or later...
It's just part of the territory, the first thing you should do is take off your watch - mainly so it isn't stolen but also because it won't tell you 'African Time'. Darwin is alive and well - every day stupid people die doing stupid things, the trick is to recognise the signs and stay well away. Rules, especially H&S ones are for losers & foreigners, you need to think beyond the rules - unless the rule-maker is in a uniform, in which case you need to comply and think ahead to the next (random) rule....
 

B42T

LE
Liverpool.

I am a scouser and I refuse to fly from Liverpool --- ever.

Designed to remove the maximum amount of money from your wallet before you even get near to an aircraft. You check in on the ground floor, then have to go upstairs to pass through all the shops -- and it's designed so you can't go in a straight line -- think Ikea with overpriced booze and perfume.

Then there is the extremely helpful security staff [not]. Who will take any excuse to delay you to the point of missing your aircraft.

Airport staff are the dregs of every workshy thieving scouser that ever had sight of Walton Prison.

Passengers are mostly drunken, tattooed and shaven headed, and that's just the children.

You will be charged £4 just for driving through the gates of the airport and £10 if you take more than 20 minutes to drop someone off. No discounts for disabled / wheelchair passengers either. Overstay by 10 seconds and it's a £60 penalty charge. Fail to pay and the baliffs will be sent within 14 days. £42 per day in the multi-storey car park.

The whole airport is run by jobsworths.

I'd rather do a transfer via Entebbe than use Liverpool again.

Did I mention that I am a scouser?


So in other words just the same as MAN, LHR, GTW etc etc :-D
 

RBMK

LE
So in other words just the same as MAN, LHR, GTW etc etc :-D
MAN is paradise compared to LIV

True dit:

We're off to Ireland on RuinAir [not booked by me] for work, quick hop to Dublin and drive to Athlone.

We're only there for one night so I have my overnight bag & my laptop.

Get to the X-ray and next thing some rat-faced security guard starts rooting in my bag.

Bear in mind that it's the same bag & contents that I went MAN - Cork the previous week so I'm a bit baffled.

After chucking all my gear about he pull out my toilet bag and starts rooting in there. Eventually he pulls out a pair of nail clippers.

NAIL CLIPPERS all of 30mm long. NAIL CLIPPERS FFS

"You can't take these on the plane, these are a bladed article"

'And what am I going to do with nail clippers? I'm going to kick down the door to the cockpit and go up to the pilot and say "fly me to Cuba or I'll give you a manicure"...'

"You can't talk to me like that, you won't be getting on that plane yadda, yadda, yadda..."

My two colleagues are in hysterics on the floor at this point.
 
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Oyibo

LE
MAN is paradise compared to LIV

True dit:

We're off to Ireland on RuinAir [not booked by me] for work, quick hop to Dublin and drive to Athlone.

We're only there for one night so I have my overnight bag & my laptop.

Get to the X-ray and next thing some rat-faced security guard starts rooting in my bag.

Bear in mind that it's the same bag & contents that I went MAN - Cork the previous week so I'm a bit baffled.

After chucking all my gear about he pull out my toilet bay and starts rooting in there. Eventually he pulls out a pair of nail clippers.

NAIL CLIPPERS all of 30mm long. NAIL CLIPPERS FFS

"You can't take these on the plane, these are a bladed article"

'And what am I going to do with nail clippers? I'm going to kick down the door to the cockpit and go up to the pilot and say "fly me to Cuba or I'll give you a manicure"...'

"You can't talk to me like that, you won't be getting on that plane yadda, yadda, yadda..."

My two colleagues are in hysterics on the floor at this point.

That's a real 'Meet the Fokkers' scenario
 
MAN is paradise compared to LIV

True dit:

We're off to Ireland on RuinAir [not booked by me] for work, quick hop to Dublin and drive to Athlone.

We're only there for one night so I have my overnight bag & my laptop.

Get to the X-ray and next thing some rat-faced security guard starts rooting in my bag.

Bear in mind that it's the same bag & contents that I went MAN - Cork the previous week so I'm a bit baffled.

After chucking all my gear about he pull out my toilet bay and starts rooting in there. Eventually he pulls out a pair of nail clippers.

NAIL CLIPPERS all of 30mm long. NAIL CLIPPERS FFS

"You can't take these on the plane, these are a bladed article"

'And what am I going to do with nail clippers? I'm going to kick down the door to the cockpit and go up to the pilot and say "fly me to Cuba or I'll give you a manicure"...'

"You can't talk to me like that, you won't be getting on that plane yadda, yadda, yadda..."

My two colleagues are in hysterics on the floor at this point.
 
Plovdiv in Bulgaria, not now but thirty years ago. The terminal building was a huge corrugated iron shed, missile systems down the side of the runways and I shit you not, from under a caravan parked on the grass next to the runway a mental Border Collie would appear and chase planes as they rolled down the runway to take off.
Casual currency exchange was a couple of Arthur Daley types hanging around outside with pockets full of photo copied bank notes.
 

rowdy

Swinger
i was not too impressed by the kuwaiti airfield on telic 1 , as we landed there was some incoming rockets or scuds , so we had to put on full nbc kit whilst in the plane ! then run to scud pits , it was still a better customer experience than luton airport though
 
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