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Worst Airport in the World?

World's worst airport


  • Total voters
    27

PFGEN

GCM
Not as spectacularly wrong, but I've frequently seen Debbie booking flights to/from Houston Hobby instead of Houston George Bush. Obviously, the entire Gulf of Mexico isn't between them, but it's not much help if your connection is going from the other Houston airport.

Coming from Austin I had to use the highway round Houston to get to George Bush. They'd set up automatic tolls (requires an e-pass). If you don't there's no way to pay. I hadn't time for an adventure through the city so thought "government car surely they're exempt" and carried on. Not a chance, Debbie was feeling very smug as she held up the paperwork for a fine and costs and told me that it would come off my expenses. Luckily I had a few extra receipts that I normally wouldn't have claimed but this time she got the lot.
 

PFGEN

GCM
Amazingly enough , Frankfurt. In the past I always had a stopover from another flight so was in the departures so only had to walk about 2 Kms from my arrival gate to my departure gate.

Flew out today after driving there in a hire car.

1. 1Km walk from the hire car drop off to departure area 1.

2. No thats not departure area 1 it’s the 1st level for the train station.

3. I understand German but the German and English signs were most unhelpful.

4. Ticket says departing from Area 1 sub area A.

5. Get to area A after a 20 min walkabout. Still got my hold luggage , WTF do I check it in. Walking up to security at area A. Man in a uniform just points behind me and waves .

6. Walk in the indicated direction and find the drop off. Closed , hour waiting to drop off the case.

Shite airport.

Frankfurt was a bundle of laughs when they tarted up Terminal 1, started Terminal 2 and built an automatic elevated rail link to get between the two. The Luftwaffe took over Terminal 1 which had all the facilities like car hire, rail station etc. Terminal 2 was just to let you know you had chosen the wrong airline. On one of the early days I got on the rail link, doors closed and off we went. Almost got into Terminal 1 when the train decided to take us almost back to Terminal 2 before repeating the process again...and again... and again for some three hours before we were finally liberated.
 

Oyibo

LE
Frankfurt was a bundle of laughs when they tarted up Terminal 1, started Terminal 2 and built an automatic elevated rail link to get between the two. The Luftwaffe took over Terminal 1 which had all the facilities like car hire, rail station etc. Terminal 2 was just to let you know you had chosen the wrong airline. On one of the early days I got on the rail link, doors closed and off we went. Almost got into Terminal 1 when the train decided to take us almost back to Terminal 2 before repeating the process again...and again... and again for some three hours before we were finally liberated.

F*cking Frankfurt - spent nearly an hour taxiing around the place on a GVA-FRA-EBL trip. Shite
 
F*cking Frankfurt - spent nearly an hour taxiing around the place on a GVA-FRA-EBL trip. Shite

I speak, read, write and eat boxhead,...........and yet, Frankfurt airport always gets the better of me. Last time I was there I had a spare evening and the delightful young ladies of Korean Airlines had all gone off to bed early.......doubtless to paint each others toe nails. I decided to go and get the lay of the land without needing to catch a plane, I did find my way around in a more or less empty airport and yet the inter-terminal train wove its spell on me and had a hiccup that required a reverse and re-entry.

Evil place to get out of in a hire car.

So @Oyibo I think you can safely put FRA on the list too.

Also, if anyone has never been to Dortmund airport I can inform that it is like a bus station. Reminiscent of Hull.

Boston, all I remember is that the area around it looked like it had been the set for the movie "War of the Worlds". That and the accents of many of the inhabitants it reminded me of a good day in Derry.

Los Angeles, LAX, heaving and old with additions over the years. The last time I flew in it took me nearly 4 hours to get a hire car - as a preferred customer - because they did not have one in the grade that had been ordered for me so they were making me wait till one came in. I eventually got bored waiting and told them I would just take whatever they had to get away from the place. Since that experience I always fly in and out of John Wayne Airport in Irvine, very quick, very friendly and close enough to Los Angeles so it makes no difference.
 
See, I remember back in the 60's, when I first started flying around to places, following the old man around the empire as it was shrinking in size at a rate of knots, that you as a pax were weighed at the airport.

You had your luggage weighed and then you were weighed. Nowadays it is a free for all with lardy b'stards who should be marked down as freight taking huge suitcases onboard as "hand luggage".

Problem is you then get a bloke like Victor Matfield with not an ounce of fat on him but shoulders 4' wide and he's 6'8" and 300 lbs. Also, a lot of frequent travellers who have been stung are taking a bit extra in hand luggage in order to avoid the shit that follows when their luggage is regularly delayed or lost.

What does need to be looked at are the multiple huge zip up plastic carrier bags taken on board as hand luggage on African airlines, as the check in stuff has already been exceeded. One person shoving two of those in an overhead bin and it's pretty much chockers.
 
Reminds me of some of the 'local' flights we were involved in to countries around Afghan, as usual, Dip. clearances were gained, flight paths cleared etc. etc. these flights were usually to drop off or pick up 'stuff' that couldn't be flown directly to theatre for whatever reason and were pretty much planned a few weeks in advance. One flight was tasked with a two-hop trip, which was unusual and required extra clearances and 'spare' passports.
First leg went OK, collected kit, refuelled and got underway on the second leg, landed at second stop but was immediately met by a 'follow me' that guided us to a completely different part of the airport than ATC had told us we'd be going to...
There were three or four local mil. on the pan (which wasn't unusual for visiting mil aircraft, especially ones 'armed' with DAS) A mini-bus escorted by another mini-bus but with a blue light atop arrived followed shortly by the refuelling tanker, the self-loading cargo from the first mini-bus got on board with their 'stuff', followed by a foppishly dressed local with the largest moustache i've ever seen and an AK-74 casually hanging round his neck who insisted on speaking too 'theeee Kapitaaaan' another shady local casually sauntered up the steps and started eyeballing everything he could.
Anyway, it turned out that the fuel that was being loaded could not be paid for on the 'company' card and the 'company' account was on stop due to some accounting issue....
They were demanding cash dollars for the fuel together with a 'handling fee', otherwise the aircraft would not be permitted to leave...
At this point the loadie chirped up 'OK, who's for a brew? - which was a suprise for two reasons a) he didn't drink tea or coffee and b) there was no tea or coffee... So off he pops up the the flight deck, for about six or seven minutes then comes back down with 'sorry chaps, the kettles broke....' with a sly wink.
Meanwhile, these two locals are getting a bit sweaty and chopsy at the lack of progress, depite 'theeee Kapitaaaan' pointing out that even a whip-round and a visit to a couple of cashpoints is unlikely to yield the sort of cash they're demanding, so there's an increacingly fractious stalemate with the 'guards' on the pan getting hotter, sweatier and closer.... after about another half hour, a blue LandRover arrives in a cloud of dust, followed by another two LandRovers, a tall, obviously 'Englishman abroad' gets out of the blue one and strides towards the aircraft, the 'guards' being swatted away by a couple of the blokes from the other LandRovers - turns out he's from the British Embassy, he effectively walks through the two locals on the airframe and 'tells' the pilot to ignore these two bandits and get on to ATC for clearance, he turns round, shoos the locals off the aircraft, waving them away like sheep....
Turns out the Loadie had the presence of mind to go up to the flight deck to 'make a brew' so he could use the satphone to call Ascot Ops. and set in motion the events above!
It wasn't exactly twitchy-bum time but there were various scenarios going through my mind, none of them acceptable - we later found out this was a common occurence at this airport, although usually Civ. aircraft were their targets, the local police did nothing, probably being in on it, we never found out if the Mil. looking chaps were gen or not, personally I think they were but who knows?

Some of the dodgier operators can also be a problem. Flying an F27 in Kenya to fill in for an operator who had their ATR in for heavy maintenance after years of neglect, we ended up in Lilongwe and the fuellers wouldn't accept our fuel carnet. I ended up paying cash out of pocket for it, expecting a refund. Company buggered me about for years as I was chartered crew, rather than permanent staff and eventually folded after the owners skipped the country to the DRC.

I estimate that working for clowns like that in various guises, I'm owed around 100k USD, possibly more, that just never materialised. Expensive school fees but they helped add to my education and topped up my grumpy quotient to the point I'm happy to tell throbbers to fuck off rather than deal with their shit.
 
What does need to be looked at are the multiple huge zip up plastic carrier bags taken on board as hand luggage on African airlines, as the check in stuff has already been exceeded. One person shoving two of those in an overhead bin and it's pretty much chockers.
Aaah yes.
Amazing what a few rands/dollars to a check in Doris will get you.
 
Some of the dodgier operators can also be a problem. Flying an F27 in Kenya to fill in for an operator who had their ATR in for heavy maintenance after years of neglect, we ended up in Lilongwe and the fuellers wouldn't accept our fuel carnet. I ended up paying cash out of pocket for it, expecting a refund. Company buggered me about for years as I was chartered crew, rather than permanent staff and eventually folded after the owners skipped the country to the DRC.

I estimate that working for clowns like that in various guises, I'm owed around 100k USD, possibly more, that just never materialised. Expensive school fees but they helped add to my education and topped up my grumpy quotient to the point I'm happy to tell throbbers to fuck off rather than deal with their shit.

There‘s a chap I know who is an absolute legend. He is purportedly the chap in the following tale. Normally I’d dismiss it as just a bit too far fetched but with this guy, it’s just about believable!

We get an hourly subsistence rate to cover food etc. when away from base. Clearly some of our expenditure is overseas and therefore is tax free. For years arguments have raged with the bastards at HMRC over what proportion of it should be tax free and each successive round sees more of it being taxed. Inevitably.

Eventually some genius decides that we should collect receipts for everything to make the case for less tax. It fell over almost immediately because guys were wandering into Mc Donalds and minesweeping tables picking up receipts from all the garbage left on tables. Blokes that weigh 65kg dripping wet claiming they’d eaten 58 Big Macs in 8 minutes. One of these also claimed a vegetarian dietary supplement so it wasn’t a great surprise when we got knobbed off by the Men From The Ministry.

Phase 2 was to randomly pick 10% of us and repeat. Our hero gets picked up in the draft and submits a hotel bill. Food, drink and in room movies all itemised. The drone at HMRC who’s sifting through all this challenges the movies at which point matey replies “it was porn, it’s essential to my health”. There was a predictable response to this at which point the absolute legend produces a Doctor’s Certificate stating he’s a sex addict.

I cannot tell you how much I wish this story to be true!
 

PFGEN

GCM
There‘s a chap I know who is an absolute legend. He is purportedly the chap in the following tale. Normally I’d dismiss it as just a bit too far fetched but with this guy, it’s just about believable!

We get an hourly subsistence rate to cover food etc. when away from base. Clearly some of our expenditure is overseas and therefore is tax free. For years arguments have raged with the bastards at HMRC over what proportion of it should be tax free and each successive round sees more of it being taxed. Inevitably.

Eventually some genius decides that we should collect receipts for everything to make the case for less tax. It fell over almost immediately because guys were wandering into Mc Donalds and minesweeping tables picking up receipts from all the garbage left on tables. Blokes that weigh 65kg dripping wet claiming they’d eaten 58 Big Macs in 8 minutes. One of these also claimed a vegetarian dietary supplement so it wasn’t a great surprise when we got knobbed off by the Men From The Ministry.

Phase 2 was to randomly pick 10% of us and repeat. Our hero gets picked up in the draft and submits a hotel bill. Food, drink and in room movies all itemised. The drone at HMRC who’s sifting through all this challenges the movies at which point matey replies “it was porn, it’s essential to my health”. There was a predictable response to this at which point the absolute legend produces a Doctor’s Certificate stating he’s a sex addict.

I cannot tell you how much I wish this story to be true!

A few of us were on a course in the US long ago. We had a daily breakfast allowance of up tp $13 a day which we could claim without a receipt. It was difficult to eat that much but we worked out that if we declared similar but not identical amounts we could make about five bucks a day. When we realised our American cousins were running up significantly larger bills we started minesweeping their receipts. We were clocked by the table Dorris who on the third day went round collecting the tickets. We had all but given up when she appears at the table puts down all the tabs, "There you go lads". Gold mine, we made sure we gave her a decent tip. The art was to not be too extreme but just enough and ensure that we all had similar expenses. Scheme worked like a charm.
 
A few of us were on a course in the US long ago. We had a daily breakfast allowance of up tp $13 a day which we could claim without a receipt. It was difficult to eat that much but we worked out that if we declared similar but not identical amounts we could make about five bucks a day. When we realised our American cousins were running up significantly larger bills we started minesweeping their receipts. We were clocked by the table Dorris who on the third day went round collecting the tickets. We had all but given up when she appears at the table puts down all the tabs, "There you go lads". Gold mine, we made sure we gave her a decent tip. The art was to not be too extreme but just enough and ensure that we all had similar expenses. Scheme worked like a charm.

Nothing new . Working in Sardinia in 95 . RAF paymaster had a budget for the Army to use , with receipts. Would get the lads to pick up receipts and would send them in , nothing stupid but meant we would go out for team Pizza and beer every two weeks. Found out later we never came close to the RAF funding allowance.


When the Brit Mil went to “actual”? (I think it’s called) billing. Taking students out for a meal. Just asked the Brits how much they needed to claim. XYZ.

OK talking to the owner, forget the real bill , say 120 euro for ten people. Just give me two for 25 euro each.
 
A few of us were on a course in the US long ago. We had a daily breakfast allowance of up tp $13 a day which we could claim without a receipt. It was difficult to eat that much but we worked out that if we declared similar but not identical amounts we could make about five bucks a day. When we realised our American cousins were running up significantly larger bills we started minesweeping their receipts. We were clocked by the table Dorris who on the third day went round collecting the tickets. We had all but given up when she appears at the table puts down all the tabs, "There you go lads". Gold mine, we made sure we gave her a decent tip. The art was to not be too extreme but just enough and ensure that we all had similar expenses. Scheme worked like a charm.
If a system can be abused, it's rude not to do so.
 

RTU'd

Old-Salt
Luton Airport own their landlord Luton BC a mere £400 Million.

It seems cargo dedicated airports like Stanstead, Prestwick, East Midlands, Heathrow & partly Gatwick are doing good business even though Menzies Aviation/WFS & Dnata the cargo handlers are shedding jobs at the moment.
 
Luton Airport own their landlord Luton BC a mere £400 Million.

It seems cargo dedicated airports like Stanstead, Prestwick, East Midlands, Heathrow & partly Gatwick are doing good business even though Menzies Aviation/WFS & Dnata the cargo handlers are shedding jobs at the moment.
Prestwick is costing the Scottish tax payer a fortune to keep running.
 
Luton Airport own their landlord Luton BC a mere £400 Million.

It seems cargo dedicated airports like Stanstead, Prestwick, East Midlands, Heathrow & partly Gatwick are doing good business even though Menzies Aviation/WFS & Dnata the cargo handlers are shedding jobs at the moment.
It’s fcuking Stansted NOT Stanstead
 

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