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Worst Airport in the World?

World's worst airport


  • Total voters
    27
The mindset of making shit up as you go, using utter fuckwittery and self important posturing while scheming to nick as much as you can, as a protocol upon which to base procedures, is rarely found outside the continent.

Then folks wonder why African govts are a kleptocratic joke.
Yep. As Covid cases rise, so does the chance to loot 'emergency' funding.
And Magashula says it is OK... cos all the ministers are doing it.
 
Cases are rising but are deaths following suit? I'm seeing a cynical attempt to keep things locked down under strict govt control (how very socialist) while the emergency is inflated to extend the controls and enable further looting (once again, how very socialist).
 
Good point about the near monopoly of African airports so far (although the ME puts in a good effort). The Caribbean must surely have some shitty ones - Port au Prince perhaps? What about South America? Surely they must have some good contenders.

TBH most Caribbean airports aren’t too bad, generally short on bling but reasonably functional. The exception is Cuba although Haiti I’ve managed to avoid.

The big issue is the locals who could certainly teach the Arabs a few tricks on f#cking people about for the sake of it but generally, being poorer countries, most of it is paper based. some examples:

Barbados for not putting the hotel zip code on the immigration form (despite the fact we put literally hundreds of crew through there each week, all into the same hotel. Lighters are not permitted outbound which is why shivering people with suntans always ask you for a light outside UK airports at about 7am. They’ve just arrived from Barbados.

Cancun: We are not allowed to bring a whole range of stupid things in, including tennis racquets, because the company refuses to pay the passenger tax as we are not permitted to be classed as pax by the Mexican Govt. They delight in rooting through your suitcase and try to get a rise by unfolding all your gear and just dumping it back in. Cants. We are not allowed to bring Duty Free inbound or buy it outbound.

Jamaica: Staffed entirely by dead people standing up. The only people moving are the staff paid by the Yardies to hide drugs on the aircraft.

Cuba will take anything they chose off you but completely randomly. Bloke in front gets his safety razor confiscated, I don’t, his lighter is ok, mine isn’t. The natural assumption is, “I’ve got a razor, now I need a lighter”.

Generally, the Black Caribbean is characterised by people doing nothing and expecting to be paid and when not paid lurching into action to muck you around. The Hispanic Caribbean is much better, they’ve twigged that a bit of effort, usually by throwing hundreds of people at it, all working in a chaotically uncoordinated fashion gets people on side. We have problems with them being too keen, opening cargo doors before the engines are even shut down but they’re good lads and ladettes. By contrast, it’s not unusual to find certain other nations have a propensity for sleeping in cargo holds because it’s cool and they can’t be seen.

Theres a lass in Air Traffic at Barbados called Mogadon, you’re into your reserve fuel by the time she’s issued an arrival clearance at 6 words a decade.
 
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Cases are rising but are deaths following suit? I'm seeing a cynical attempt to keep things locked down under strict govt control (how very socialist) while the emergency is inflated to extend the controls and enable further looting (once again, how very socialist).

Are you on the avgas again? You’ve been told about that...:)
 
One prefers one's avgas with a pickled onion and lickle umbrella, and we're right out of pickled onions.

I'm not a fucking Philistine, you know...
 
The new airport is not that bad. No bullet holes and Ugandans are pretty good folks on the whole.

You're thinking of the old airport.

I passed through in 2014, the new airport obvs. I really wanted to go to the old terminal but they wouldn't let us. Apparently the Ugandans are very embarassed about the whol Idi Amin thing and anything connected to it.

I must add that Ugandans are really pleasant people and that I had a great time. The Lake Victoria Hotel is the place to stay, literally straight out of colonial times.
 
The Lake Vic is a gem. It's about 2km from the Equator, which you cross on short final landing on Rwy 35.

When the Israelis attacked, the new terminal was already in use. The military alowed the terrorists/hijackers to use the old terminal to keep the hostages. Only one wasn't rescued, Dora Bloch, an elderly lady who had been taken to hospital as she was ill. Apparently after the raid, Amin went there and dealt with her himself as nothing more was ever heard of her.

Lake Vic hotel. Story I was told was that Amin's army officers were on the balcony seen on the left in the first pic getting pissed when they heard gunfire from the Israeli attack. They apparently all shot off home to go hide.

Entebbe-Bunia 015.jpg
 

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Most places will get a pass from me if they have working aircon, pax are not taking a shit on the floor of the terminal, the security bods have some kind of clue and no one is trying to stick the barrel of an AK up my nose.
I take it that Kinshasa still fails on all those criteria?
 
I know Luzamba. That's where the DC6 clipped the raised edge of the runway and skidded to a stop sans landing gear and with a couple of the engines bouncing along next to the airframe. Apprently the crew bailed and legged it into the shateen, but the old Porra captain sat there calmly throwing switches and shutting down from a checklist what was now a total write off.

It's also a diamond mining area and the gravel on that apron is from the diggings. I don't know a crew who has flown in there who haven't walked the apron like chickens pecking up corn, looking for shiny stones among the rubble. Never heard of anyone finding one though, although I suppose it's something you'd keep quiet.

Mong with AK and tough guy pose typical of the region. If you pulled out a camera in those parts, the soldiery or fuzz or whoever was in the area and carrying, would come running over to strike warry poses in front of you. Got a few shots on 35mm of the mongs in then Zaire getting ever more creative as we spurred them on to acts of utter reflective sunglassed war machine fuckwittery.

The other alternative, depending on their mood, was to confiscate your camera, forcing you to buy it back, and possibly beat you up.
There was some kind of diamond strike in Western Zaire last I was there ( some time back) but the stones were being shipped/smuggled across the Rwanda border and Zaire wasn’t getting its cut.

There was a big fuss in the west when it came out and such stones were dramatically called “blood diamonds” for a while as though this was a new and shocking thing. Quite a lot of white middle class people got on the outrage bus as you may remember.

World champion kleptocrat and all round uttershit Mobutu Sese Seko, president of Zaire and it’s main reason for the total destitution of its population, decided to send in the Zairois army, a more useless gang of rag tag military clowns you have yet to see, to ensure he got his just dues.

The cunning plan didn’t work of course. The army deserted en masse instantly, sold its rifles, bought shovels and started digging.

“T.I.A.” As we used to say: This Is Africa.
 
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Oyibo

LE
I take it that Kinshasa still fails on all those criteria?

I was working there last year - the domestic terminal scores very highly on shiteness, with international being a bit better. On the plus side, the better parts of the city have some great restaurants and bars.
 
There was some kind of diamond strike in Western Zaire last I was there ( some time back) but the stones were being shipped/smuggled across the Rwanda border and Zaire wasn’t getting its cut.

There was a big fuss in the west when it came out and such stones were dramatically called “blood diamonds” for a while as though this was a new and shocking thing. Quite a lot of white middle class people got on the outrage bus as you may remember.

World champion kleptocrat and all round uttershit Mobutu Sese Seko, president of Zaire and it’s main reason for the total destitution of its population, decided to send in the Zairois army, a more useless gang of rag tag military clowns you have yet to see, to ensure he got his just dues.

The cunning plan didn’t work of course. The army deserted en masse instantly, sold its rifles, bought shovels and started digging.

“T.I.A.” As we used to say: This Is Africa.

I know of the diamond strike in western Zaire. The diggings in Angola over the river got raided a few times and I'm sure vice versa. Diamond bearing gravel got nicked and there was a bit of tit for tat where folks got killed.

Bit of a long way round sending them out via Rwanda, one would think. That's a big country and not much infrastructure. Mobutu's Zaire was truly a shit show of epic proportions, but I'm afraid nothing much has changed. Bloke in Lubumbashi said it best just after Kabila took over when I spoke to him passing through there - 'The shit's exactly the same, only the flies have changed'.
 
I was working there last year - the domestic terminal scores very highly on shiteness, with international being a bit better. On the plus side, the better parts of the city have some great restaurants and bars.

Used to be a nice restaurant at the Greek Club, overlooking the pool. Top class burgers by African (although not SA) standards.
 

OneTenner

LE
Book Reviewer
Whilst my African experience is fairly limited compared to some of the more seasoned idiots travelers here, I believe that I can offer the following observation: most areas of the rest of the Third World Aerospace Experience offer at least one thing that may kill you - a Bahamasair stewie valiantly attempting to finally close the door of a HS 748 as the a/c was reaching V1 as us pax were catching our breath, having had to load our own luggage at Freeport 'International' 'cos the handlers had gone to a party, a noble mention for Kai Tak (waving slowly up at Mrs Li as she hung out Mr Li's grollys) as the Herc wobbled down the street to the piano keys, Colombo Departures where my very intense (and suicidal) cab driver needed to get there before me and who's beaming face bade me farewell as he filled his day job as a Senior Customs Officer - I have to say that everything associated with air travel within the Cradle of Civilisation (and environs) seems determined to kill you.

I will never travel there again.

Ever.
 
There was some kind of diamond strike in Western Zaire last I was there ( some time back) but the stones were being shipped/smuggled across the Rwanda border and Zaire wasn’t getting its cut.

There was a big fuss in the west when it came out and such stones were dramatically called “blood diamonds” for a while as though this was a new and shocking thing. Quite a lot of white middle class people got on the outrage bus as you may remember.

World champion kleptocrat and all round uttershit Mobutu Sese Seko, president of Zaire and it’s main reason for the total destitution of its population, decided to send in the Zairois army, a more useless gang of rag tag military clowns you have yet to see, to ensure he got his just dues.

The cunning plan didn’t work of course. The army deserted en masse instantly, sold its rifles, bought shovels and started digging.

“T.I.A.” As we used to say: This Is Africa.
I know of the diamond strike in western Zaire. The diggings in Angola over the river got raided a few times and I'm sure vice versa. Diamond bearing gravel got nicked and there was a bit of tit for tat where folks got killed.

Bit of a long way round sending them out via Rwanda, one would think. That's a big country and not much infrastructure. Mobutu's Zaire was truly a shit show of epic proportions, but I'm afraid nothing much has changed. Bloke in Lubumbashi said it best just after Kabila took over when I spoke to him passing through there - 'The shit's exactly the same, only the flies have changed'.
I thought I should write an amusing screed detailing some episodes of diamond-related delight from Zim and Angola, probably including some of the episodes related above, but this isn't the place. Having been the officially-designated keeper of the Kimberley Process at my Zimbabwe mine (and therefore legally accountable for Moral Rectitude in their production), I've had some twitchy moments, but whisky has saved me from the more extreme penalties. No, really.
 
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American airports generally are, I find.

I wonder if it’s because so much of their traffic is national, they don’t have such a big duty-free market and thus don’t really bother?
Best thing in all US airports are the Military / Service lounges. Free of charge, free coffee , soda and some simple foods. All you need is a ID card or even some honest I am A vet . Arrive log in and have a nice rest.
 
Best thing in all US airports are the Military / Service lounges. Free of charge, free coffee , soda and some simple foods. All you need is a ID card or even some honest I am A vet . Arrive log in and have a nice rest.

Finally a use for those veteran ID cards we’ve been promised:)
 

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